Young Writers Society

He grabs Fiona by the hand and quickly they hide in the room of the second floor.
Cronoe was still shocked of what had happened minutes before. "Why on earth
are you trying to negotiate with The Winship? Like they're willing to!", Crone cried.
Fiona stared at him, direct into Cronoe's blue eyes. He's just a kid, she thought-and
do not understand these certain procedures. He didn't know that The Winship was the
group that brought him to this world.

Are you going to add more or is that a small excerpt from the story? It's hard to properly analyse your writing style or the story itself, when it seems that you just wrote a few random lines about some stuff that makes no sense and doesn't have any appeal that would keep the reader in the story.

Immediacy has its pros, but so far in this case, the abruptness made me stop reading (except i was already finished anyway with it being only a few lines long).

Please add MORE and i would love to see what your storywriting can do..

Thank you for your comment.. I've been busy lately. and couldn't write till the end of the second week in March. Sorry for the delay. Im preparing for the examination.