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Redneck Assassin (18+ Rating)



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Points: 1092
Reviews: 2
Mon Jan 02, 2012 6:06 am
allinall says...



Hey, I learn life’s lessons by the gun
I squeeze the shiny trigger
And watch the bodies drop one by one
I won’t quit until the job is done
My body count gets bigger
With each clip placed in they cannot run
It’s time to die motherfucker
Get ready to die

~Chorus~
Assassin
Redneck assassin
Assassin
Redneck assassin

Yee ha!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah


Don’t scream
Because that makes it worse for you suckers
Don’t scream
Because he’s loading again dumb fuckers
Don’t scream
Because he’s the fucking redneck assassin

(chorus)

Gunshots are on my MP3 player
I sleep with my shotgun, bitch
Don’t even think that you’re a slayer
One shot, out comes the undertaker
I don’t even need to switch
My gat, one pull, spills out brain matter
Sit back and die motherfucker
Fall backwards and die

(chorus)

Damn, the heats on

(chorus)

It doesn’t really matter who wins or dies
The sweet sound that a fucking body makes
As it falls down will serve to romanticize
The lovely scent of holes that soon realize
That they need to puke blood when they awake
I hear thuds mixed with blood along with death cries
Your turn to die motherfucker
Come out and just die

Yee ha!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

…he’s loading again, motherfuckers
…he’s loading again, motherfuckers
…he’s loading again
…he’s loading again
…he’s loading again
…he’s loading again
…Motherfuckers, he’s loading again!!!

Damn, I’m loading again
Damn, I’m loading again…

Damn, I’m loading again (Click, click, double shoot, shoot)
Damn, I’m loading again… (Click, click, double shoot, shoot)

When I point my fucking gun at your fucking head
Tell me, do you believe in a fucking God now?
When I aim my fucking gun, what more can be said?
Are you going to believe in a God somehow?
Fuck you
Fuck, fuck, fuck
Fuck you
I am God
I am God
I am fucking God with my fucking shotgun
I am fucking God with my fucking shotgun

Damn, I’m loading again
Damn, I’m loading again…

Damn, I’m loading again (Click, click, double shoot, shoot)
Damn, I’m loading again… (Click, click, double shoot, shoot)

(chorus)

Don’t scream
Because that makes it worse for you suckers
Don’t scream
Because he’s loading again dumb fuckers
Don’t scream
Because he’s the fucking redneck assassin
  





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Points: 14918
Reviews: 384
Mon Jan 02, 2012 4:27 pm
eldEr says...



Hey, allinall! Isha here to review. :3

First of all, I'm going to say that this song... had the potential to be funny? Maybe? Now, I've never been one to find gruesome deaths amusing, but I suppose that others could probably be able to look at this in a comedic way. Personally, I can't, however, but I'm not going to be unfair and downright say that it wasn't.

However, I am going to say that this song got irritating after a little while, especially near the end. Why? Well, the constant cusses, and the constant use of the same cusses over and over again. Now, whereas there's nothing particularly wrong with swearing in songs, so much repetition just gets... messy. I start to wonder if you didn't just throw in the cusses for the sake of trying to stretch the hilarity (which I still can't bring myself to see, but this is a review, not a debate starter, so I won't go there), and to be honest, it all seems to be a rather desperate attempt.

Either it was to force the hilarity of the song, or I see it as something that's just there for the sake of length. It starts to look like you couldn't think of anything better or more creative, so you threw in a bunch of swears just to fill space between the beginning and the end of the song.

But I mean, really? Dropping the f-bomb 5+ times in one stanza seems to be overworking it a little. xD So basically, I'm encouraging you to explore your word-choice a little and maybe try to add something more original. There's a fine line between funny and just plain vulgar, and it would seem that you're walking it here. But that last bit is more or less just a personal preference.

Otherwise, there's also a lot of repetition elsewhere. It's like you took one stanza and found three different ways to re-word it. "I'm going to kill you, it's gonna suck, I'm unbeatable, I'm an assassin, and I like my gun" over and over again. Of course that's not how you worded it, but that's the basic gist of the song- and you've already made your point.

Of course, there's also the chance that I'm misinterpreting the entire point of this song, and assuming that it's supposed to be funny when it's dead serious. In which case... the cussing doesn't make it seem any more serious, either, and stating the same thing a few times in a few different ways doesn't help get the point across any better.

Whether it's supposed to be a comedy or something taken seriously, this song could use a little reworking. There's a lot of repetition, with pinches of originality within a few of the lines, but I suppose that it does have potential to go either way. :)

Sorry if this review was a little ramble-y, seeing as I've just woken up. xD

Keep writing,
~~Ish.
Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurl.

got trans?
  





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Tue Jan 03, 2012 10:49 am
JabberHut says...



Hi, All!

There's not much to the song really, but what you have provides an interesting story enough!

But the one thing that probably stood out to me the most was that this song probably depends a lot on its music. The lyrics don't have enough to stand on its own, so I'm guessing you've got a really good sound that will over-compensate. xD

Isha's already touched on it, but the structure of the song is a bit out of whack. The real content of this piece is in those three stanzas. Everything else is just filler -- icing on the cake, so to speak. And this cake's got a lot of icing. That's why I say that the song probably depends on its music more than its lyrics -- there's not much in the lyrics to begin with!

What ties in with that is the swearing not having much to do with the song, giving it a very ranty/rambly feel. It's literally complaining/boasting too much about something not worth the effort.

I didn't even think about taking this in a humorous way until I skimmed through Isha's review. Maybe my tastes are just extremely different from yours, but I just found this grating. I couldn't find any humor in what I was reading. Again, I say that maybe the music will give a different impression.

I was going to look at your three stanzas, but they certainly are the best part of your song. I'm not saying they can't be better? But the imagery is definitely very well done, giving that interesting story a chance in the spotlight. A little swearing is fine, and I was accepting it alright 'til about halfway through the song. But I won't say anymore on the stanzas just because I wanted to emphasize the floppy structure and boney content of the song. If you choose to go through an edit, that's probably where you would start. And if you decide not to cut out the extra, then I'd emphasize the thought of editing the three stanzas so that they stand out more. Otherwise, it all just blends into a pile of mush. xD

That's all I've got to say though. Keep writing! :D

Jabber, the One and Only!

P.S. I took the liberty of putting a rating in your title. Since our rating system isn't installed on the site yet, it's a good alternate method to rate the piece! That way, younger members don't stumble into something they don't want to or shouldn't read. :)
I make my own policies.
  








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