Young Writers Society

I can't help feeling this way for you
No matter what I do, it still lingers on
I've suppressed, oppressed, and denied too
But it all comes on so feverishly strong
So feverishly strong

In such a pleasant dream
Away from the proper scene
I smile and lie atop of you
Leaving behind who I am, too
And absorbing your charms
Away from all of the harm
This awaken world can bring

I'm afraid to be with you
I'm afraid to be like you
No words can soothe how I feel
Nothing has quite made me feel
Like this
So afraid

I can't stop thinking how crushed you were
It was only your kiss, but it came too fast
So stressed and depressed of what occurred
And oh, I hate that I did not make it last
A little bit longer

And in a pleasant dream
Apart from the laughing scene
I smile and glide high above
Leaving behind the one I loved
For she will soon move on
and won't miss me when I'm gone
But awaken world doth sting

I'm afraid to be with you
I'm afraid to be like you
No words can soothe how I feel
Nothing has quite made me feel
Like this
So afraid

So kiss me
Oh, kiss me the way you did before
Release me
Release me and prove that you're worth it
Just kiss me
Oh, kiss me, what are you waiting for?
Release me
Release me and prove that I'm worth it

For she knows that something is amiss
I can't keep up this charade, and this, she knows
For she knows that every time we kiss
That there's a lie in me that directs the show
And I can lose this all
Oh, I can lose this all

So kiss me
Oh, kiss me and tell me it's all right
Release me
Release me and guide me through this rain
Just kiss me
Oh, kiss me, I do not have all night
Release me
Release me and just kiss me again

aw... such a touching piece! I like it. I remember the days when I was writing poems because of the inspiration of a person.

Not bad. Not bad at all. I couldn't find any grammar errors (I'm a grammar Nazi, sorry xD). All in all, it was a beautiful song that got the point across and told the story you wanted to. Keep up the good work

It's really nice, it really conveys a lot of emotion and feelings. I couldn't find any grammar mistakes or anything Anyway, I really love it, it pinpoints almost exactly how I felt about someone. Keep writing!

This is so cute!!! I love it I've said this before (not specifically to you, but in general), but I love pieces that I can relate to. And this... I totally know what the speaker/singer is feeling. It's brilliant.

One little correction:

For she knows that something is amist

I think the word you were looking for is "amiss". Not a big deal, but I just thought I'd point it out.

Love it! Keep up the good work!!

~Molly

Hii, a quick review of this piece which I must say was quite amazing!

This was really beautiful! Although I thought the rythm was good in each stanza by themselves but the flow didn't work that well while switching between them and I think you should have less variation in the number of lines, and structur of your stanzas. Otherwise I liked it alot, cute, sweet and brilliant!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness