Young Writers Society

you got one more chanse cause baby i cant take it anymore and i mean it cause baby baby i mean it i mean it iii meeen iiittt cause baby baby baby i cant take it anymore baby and i mean it i mean it stop it you got one more chanse so take my hand but dout you dare do a thing with it cause i just want you to hold it cause this is your last day her with so me you but you haveto wait for night cause you are leaveing at night so i want you to baby .now that is the song from kayla allen pretty

What????
Please...
Explain it further.

kaylapretty wrote:you got one more chanse cause baby i cant take it anymore and i mean it cause baby baby i mean it i mean it iii meeen iiittt cause baby baby baby i cant take it anymore baby and i mean it i mean it stop it you got one more chanse so take my hand but dout you dare do a thing with it cause i just want you to hold it cause this is your last day her with so me you but you haveto wait for night cause you are leaveing at night so i want you to baby .now that is the song from kayla allen pretty

The format bothers me...
Spelling?
Punctuation?
Capitalization?
Grammar?

????????
-Jojo

I agree with XxJoJoxX here I am afraid.

Whilst it probably made sense to you, to me this was unreadable.

As XxJoJoxX said where is your spelling? It is obviously that you haven't checked this through. It looks like you have just written it on the spot. I am very sorry to be harsh but it's true. Words such as 'chance' are not spelt as 'chanse' surely you would know that. Also an extension of some of the words such as the triple use of 'i' indicated as 'iii' does not make it easier to understand how it goes. It just detracts the reader from understanding the key points of your lyrics.

But worse still you have no punctuation. What is writing without it? I admit myself that I am nowhere near perfect but I have attempted.

Instead of:

you got one more chanse

It should, in reality be 'You've got one more chance'.

Here there is no use of full stops or capital letters what so ever. It makes it harder to understand the flow of your writing without it. the letter 'I' on its own should always have a capital letter, it is a basic grammatical law.


Sorry to be harsh. It's only to help you improve.

you got one more chanse cause baby i cant take it anymore and i mean it cause baby baby i mean it i mean it iii meeen iiittt cause baby baby baby i cant take it anymore baby and you got one more chanse cause baby i cant take it anymore and i mean it cause baby baby i mean it i mean it iii meeen iiittt cause baby baby baby i cant take it anymore baby and i mean it i mean it stop it you got one more chanse so take my hand but dout you dare do a thing with it cause i just want you to hold it cause this is your last day her with so me you but you haveto wait for night cause you are leaveing at night so i want you to baby .now that is the song from kayla allen pretty

That is your song.^
Maybe it should look like this.

You've got one more chance baby,
cause I can't take anymore.

I mean it.
Cause baby baby.
I mean it,
Stop it.
I mean it
I mean it
I mean it!

Cause baby baby baby.
I can't take it anymore baby.

Well thats some of it . Just a suggestion.

<3 dasiamari

Pm if you want me to help you fix it up.

you got one more chanse cause baby i cant take it anymore and i mean it cause baby baby i mean it i mean it iii meeen iiittt cause baby baby baby i cant take it anymore baby and you got one more chanse cause baby i cant take it anymore and i mean it cause baby baby i mean it i mean it iii meeen iiittt cause baby baby baby i cant take it anymore baby and i mean it i mean it stop it you got one more chanse so take my hand but dout you dare do a thing with it cause i just want you to hold it cause this is your last day her with so me you but you haveto wait for night cause you are leaveing at night so i want you to baby .now that is the song from kayla allen pretty

That is your song.^
Maybe it should look like this.

You've got one more chance baby,
cause I can't take anymore.

I mean it.
Cause baby baby.
I mean it,
Stop it.
I mean it
I mean it
I mean it!

Cause baby baby baby.
I can't take it anymore baby.

Well thats some of it . Just a suggestion.

<3 dasiamari

Pm if you want me to help you fix it up.