Young Writers Society

Just a quick song I made up when I was sitting in the garden taking photos. Decided to write it down and see what people thought:

I look at the window where you fled
Smashed in pieces and all stained red,
Yesterday it was you and me,
Now you’ve fallen from our loved up tree.
Now it’s over, over, I’m glad you’re gone but it feels so wrong.
Babe it’s over, over, I hope that you’re not away for too long.

I thought that we were through,
Guess that’s how much I know you,
Once upon a time baby,
We were sittin’ in some sort of loved up tree...
But its over, over, never has never meant so much before
So it’s over, over, you left my lying, crying on the kitchen floor.

I’m thinkin’ bout all the things you said
Know now I shouldn’t have let them get to my head.
I remember now baby,
When you chopped down our loved up tree...
Cause it’s over, over, thought you’d listen and understand
Mate it’s over, over, please stop trying to grab my hand.

You ripped my heart until I died,
Beat me up until I cried,
Somewhere I know I’m dead inside...
All just because to me you lied.

It’s over, over, please get over yourself.
Cause it’s over, over, loving you is so bad for my health.

I look at the window where you fled
Smashed in pieces and all stained red,
Yesterday it was you and me ,
Now you’ve fallen from our loved up tree.
Now it’s over, over, I’m glad you’re gone but it feels so wrong.
Babe it’s over, over, I hope that you’re not away for too long.

I like this So long as you have an awesome tune to go with it!
If this were an ordinary poem, I'd say to crop up the ends a bit. The stanzas are a bit messy...

But this is a song Therefore, it's good

This sounds more like a song to me than a poem. I like your description but like I said, it's like a song. You repeat many of the words in one sentence like a song would and that makes it good (ha ha I rhymed! ^~^) Anyway, if it's a poem then make the lines a bit shorter and neater. If a song, then it's great! I really like this!

wow! the emotion so clear to me..
the pain and soreness..
hmm. i like it!

my favorite part was

You ripped my heart until I died,
Beat me up until I cried,
Somewhere I know I’m dead inside...
All just because to me you lied.