Young Writers Society

I see the sun rise in the water,
but it does not rise in the sky.
Water - so much water - comes to my feet.
The rondo begins; there's no place to go.


To go...


Every sunrise you would smile
as we stood at the cliff, watching the tiny
boats in the distance.
Today, you weren't there. So was I.


So was I...


I see so many pale hands around me.
I hear so many voices.
Alone in the grey shelter, I waited for someone
to find me.


I saw the sun rise in the water
and I'm not sure if there'll even be a sunrise.
But I was proven wrong when that light came -
a hand appeared - reached out for me
and pulled me out of the darkness.

I liked it. It's very tasteful. If I hadn't seen the tagline that said "For Japan" I wouldn't have know that you were talking about the earthquake. I like the imagery. I didn't understand this line though.

Today, you weren't there. So was I.

Could you make what you were trying to say clearer here? Also, in this line,

The rondo begins

you mention the word "rondo." What exactly is this? Perhaps you could put that in an author's note or something. Anyway, I like it. Keep writing!

Hello there Japan huh? Great inspiration for writing. I have to be honest, I'm not the biggest expert on lyrics. I use to have a friend that was nuts for song writing though, so I've been exposed enough to sort of touch base with this. Although, I'm not 100% sure whether this was suppose to be a song or not. Maybe I'm just confused --I've never reviewed under this forum! 0_o

If it was meant to be a song, I didn't notice any real chorus or hook to this. The words were great though. The meaning behind it obviously had it's inspiration. I really liked your opening words.

I see the sun rise in the water, 
but it does not rise in the sky. 

It just describes the vastness of the flooded waters. How they compromise the size of the sky. I love such simple use of words to describe such a great thing. (Great as in immense, not good.) Overall, nice job.