What i like about this song is that just by reading it I devoleped this tune in my head, and I can just picture every girl singing it in their cars jamming to it on the radio. Good? Yes very much so. However its not like that cutesy little catchy song. Its like real feelings, good? oooh yeah.
My suggestion would be to fix the last paragraph. It's your concluding verse, and it has to be memorable. The things you remember in a song is: First the Chorus, the the beggining/ending, and then the hook.
It's just that simple. Your last verse is good, but the second line is what got me off. Say what? Your'e talking about leaving and if he says he will...ummmm?
ALSO:
Your rhyming is pretty much all over the place, if you have a steady beat you need a steady Line/Rhyme ratio.
Your verse first has LRRL,
then you have LLRR
It doesnt have to be a constant but with songs most good songs have that steady rhyming.
PM me if this doesnt make sense. Take care&Keep writing.
-Haley
. Its very good. I dont think I would want you to change anything.
xXx
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