i spoke truthfully in flowery tones, not realizing i was just painting the knives i threw at you; but when they sunk into your hands you held them like they were a bouquet.
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"i dont slay i slaughter, luke i am your father..." ~fatherfig
you have always been beautiful i regret that i was the ugly duckling unpickable and closed off because i was silly and i accidentally fell in love
and you talked to me that made it worse because you looked at me with tender kindness and i looked at you with could this be forever
now you love someone and i don't look for your kindness it hurts too much instead i look at our memories of all the times i could have told you seeing you smile is like seeing a solar eclipse and all i want is to be near you
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"i dont slay i slaughter, luke i am your father..." ~fatherfig
a lazy river if its moving why do you say that undercurrent cant be seen only felt do you need to drown in unseen rapids to know they are there will you keep calling the river lazy as it drags you out into the ocean with a little less air than you had before you stepped in saying dont worry this is a lazy river
"i dont slay i slaughter, luke i am your father..." ~fatherfig
my mirror looks at me with rounded features and all the expressions of a hallmark beauty you know somewhere in my lineage im related to marilyn monroe or at least thats what ive been told for generations i wish i werent because then maybe my face wouldnt look like pink rose petals and ivory vines and maybe i wouldn't smell like lavender and maybe someone would tell me i looked like a boy and maybe they would actually mean it
"i dont slay i slaughter, luke i am your father..." ~fatherfig
a cashier at the dollarstore yesterday she forgot how to count when i tried to buy two mean beans i was short a dollar which my aunt lended me and i watched her softly knowing she must've been having some anxiety when we left my aunt told me she had thought i was a boy and had gotten that worked up and flushed she had thought i was an attractive boy buying two mean beans with silver change and a lended dollar and she had forgotten how to count how am i supposed to believe that all i know is some poor gorgeous lady working at the dollar store forgot how to count for a moment yesterday and all i did was give her a little patience and leave with two monsters but my aunt thinks i pass for a boy or at least she wants me to think so and that almost made me cry
"i dont slay i slaughter, luke i am your father..." ~fatherfig
you are an old coffee mug with a chip on it's rim with a worn handle and cracked paint and you have a picture of a character on you one that i have tried to draw a million times since i was ten and you if someone asked me for you willing to exchange a hundred dollars for you i would refuse because the second i let you go i would miss holding on to you despite the fact i cant drink from you despite the fact you aren't in my posession despite the fact you are practically a memory now if someone offered me a thousand dollars i would still hold you and if someone wanted to give me the world to take the faintest memory of your smile or the curve of your hands - handle i would still hold you in every spite of your cracks in every spite of your chips i will always choose your memory i will always choose you even though i can never have you because you make me feel warm my favorite coffee cup and you make me feel whole even just as a memory
"i dont slay i slaughter, luke i am your father..." ~fatherfig
they say when you are in love you know its only partially true because when you are in love you know that his favorite color is bright orange and he has anxiety and needs to be told how amazing he is and he has more bad days than good days and you can tell when hes fake smiling and you can tell when its real or hes been crying or stressed you know his hobby is making jewelry and you know everything
except what to say when you make eye contact except how to ignore his boyfriend except how to let go and thats how you find out that you are in love because when you try to stop loving his smile and his wide nose and his dimpled cheeks and shining quiet eyes and you try to forget his favorite color you cant
that is how you know and when you realize the reason you have been trying to forget isnt because you dont love him anymore it is because you know when his smile is genuine and you know hes happy and you dont want to see that fade so you dont want to stay
"i dont slay i slaughter, luke i am your father..." ~fatherfig
that feeling like a spiderweb drifting across my cheeks as the blush raises on my face invisible as it is with my anemia as i see the corners of your mouth slowly tug upwards into position like adjusting the corners of a banner for a party- one ive been invited to seeing you this way is breath taking
the warm blush on your face after a compliment and how you look away afterwards as if you didnt deserve it as if you didnt work so damn hard as if you didnt give your all like you always do with everything until you dont have anything left we all know better or at least i do
because you are the firework i always wanted to be but now i see it i wish you were a roman candle so you would be harder to put out
"i dont slay i slaughter, luke i am your father..." ~fatherfig
The whole progression in the "how to know you're in love" poem just broke my entire heart.
except how to let go and thats how you find out that you are in love because when you try to stop loving his smile and his wide nose and his dimpled cheeks and shining quiet eyes and you try to forget his favorite color you cant
</3 Oof!
You're doing great gem! Keep on going! <3
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
<33333 thank you so much @alliyah and im glad you felt something from it that means im doing good
TW: cursing
i was a white silouhette or at least the lines drawn said so pulled around me like a stringed purse tighter together until there was no room to breathe i went missing in the chaos and no one looked for me you won't recognize me now that i've started to find myself i'm too far from what i was to you back then i was the character you designed to hate the outline lying on the pavement -- tugging on your coat tails like wet cement that chalk outline shows a hollow girl i don't know who she is-- your projection onto a child she is faceless and that's all she ever was a blank canvas a charade a puppet-- she was a marionette made to do what you wanted i am none of those or a vendetta against your sister i'm a boy who is healing from all your evil visions and i'm healing-- slowly-- let me teach you who i am i am defiant and broken and i am putting myself back together i am a pain in the ass and i am not letting go of anything because it's not what you wanted i'm ambitious and i'll show you that i am because if you try to break me down i'll tell you you that i'm an element the barest and purest of myself and i can't be broken again so try me bitch
"i dont slay i slaughter, luke i am your father..." ~fatherfig
all my peices need to find a home im not the worst person ive ever known once i let go of all the traits that they passed on i can one day say i've grown
i need to find where i put the jagged edges and keep them from underfoot it is hard to be my best when i dont know who ive cut
i need to find all of the edges that cause nothing but pain and i need to put them into my cabinet until i see my demons again
my walls have fell down and shattered i wanted to ignore the shards but ive learned cleaning up matters because even rubble can be sharp
"i dont slay i slaughter, luke i am your father..." ~fatherfig
i was born empty; a ripped canvas my eyes marbles and tongue porcelain my fingernails broken glass; heart a void
broken glass straining outwards to touch your fingertips marbles glassy and tired rolling to follow your foot steps a ripped canvas begging for paint; a void threatening to swallow you an empty vessel promising to give you everything
"i dont slay i slaughter, luke i am your father..." ~fatherfig
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