II. I want to run away, to let the wind be the wings of my feet but your shade continues to follow me wherever I go.
Even when I cower and hide; squeeze myself in crevices in the brighter parts of my mind your shadow continues to loom over me
You continue to haunt me in my dreams not merely as a shade, but as a wonderful illusion and I'm afraid of that -- of you because I know you'll pass through my fingers
I know that you'll disappear or disintegrate into small orbs of light and I'll be left with nothing more but memories of you that'll keep me awake at night
You were never Polaris or the fireflies in the grassy plains but you were the nightlight that kept my monsters away
except now, I'm scared of you and I want to run away from thoughts of you because the roles have reversed you've become the monster that kills me quietly.
I. There’s a tension hanging over the air too many words I fail to speak I’ve shivering lips and frozen fingers yet I remain out of reach
I’m losing myself, losing my mind forgetting where I am and those I’ve left behind
maybe if I held the torch high enough maybe if I held it long enough I wouldn’t be in these crossroads I wouldn’t be in these long and winding paths
each take me to places I’d rather not go places I’ve been through yet tried so hard to break out from places buried deep in my memory to try to move on
but I guess that’s where I made the mistake I shouldn’t have dug them deep I should’ve let them haunt me in my sleep
maybe then I wouldn’t be so scared maybe then I would have actually be able to run maybe I won’t have to deny that intimacy isn’t really wrong
maybe our personified dreams are just a bit too surreal but what remains in me are images long gone
feelings long gone.
[even the multicolored sea of light in the dark canvas of the sky are reminders of the dead and of days that have gone by]
I. I remember the days when being in the ocean and swimming in its waters meant harmless fun
I remember when we used to dive deep and see who could collect the most seashells and compare whose was prettiest
I remember the cold swimming along my skin as I watch you glide amidst the reflection of fireworks
but under this moonlight, sad tunes fill the air as lonely insects and sharp whooshes of the wind cut through the deserted space
beneath the surface the water felt freezing on my skin and everything was just various shades of the darkest hues
but then I see you in the emptiness and joy replaced the blood in my veins so I swim despite the tightness in my chest to reach out and hold you close
but then you pass through my fingers and then I remembered once your afterimage silently disappeared that the currents have already taken you away from me.
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