sometimes all i want to say is i miss you,
the words etched across my veins and pulsing
harder and harder until i want to rip them out
and write the messages to you in what
i know will be blood, which is why my hands
stay by my side and wrapped around
my biceps, voice in my head saying
if you hold yourself tight enough
you can pretend they are there even
if they had never touched me i still
pretend this is how they would have
done so (harshly, their finger prints
carved out in bruises that simply
let the loneliness out), the blue blood
of my wrists a reminder without you
i cannot breathe and i
close my eyes against the cold.
(it is better this way, i know, because
i am a shadow and you are all light
so strong you blot me out
and forget i even exist)
—April 14, 2015
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