Young Writers Society

This one a bit late UK wise but here it is in time due to uSA timezone.

April 9th: Path Less Travelled

Following the path
trod by others, whether
in dreams or abstact
realities, missing the
key to what desired.

Rose thorns sprinkle
the path less walked.

Easy choice it seems
to the weak, but it's
destinations we travel
and meet.

Shadows follow a trend
we can't escape, a walk
through tulips appeals
more than hell.

We live by facades in life
and death, illusions created
by egos and pride. But the
people who stand and never
falter, scaling the path less
travelled, escape mediocrity
of this humanity.

To canoodle with fate and
challenge it in every aspect,
ignoring the trend and paths
with mud tracks implanted
like skid marks on skin. You
escape obscurity.

I had inspiration after a dream, and sadly it ain't happy inspiration it's reminders of what needs to be done.

April 10th: Part 1: Ducking Reality

Pathetic reasoning, of a broken mind,
ignore the truth flee the door, avoid
the wall. Never climb to great heights
and taste ambrosia while having
dinner with the Gods.

Push me insanity, it'll happen,
repressing even stagnates and
the wounds I bear are the ones
of my own cluelessness. Mental
chips in a sculpture stuck in constant
flux.

I can't avoid the truth.

Screw you mind.

This is part 2 of the poem. I hate I realized but so be it.

April 11th: Part 2: Boy Against Himself

You remind of helplessness in state
of chaos, some mad anarchist is
giggling with glee as my life explodes
with these mental time bombs you
leave.

I trip, you laugh, I repress, remember,
forcing a trend to continue which should
just end.

Sure love is a powerful force, but in my
case ignorance is bliss, and don't destroy
what is my fragile sanity.

Okay, I get it, I must do this, to know,
but levy the pressure, level the walls,
give me a break, and my dreams
the kind we avoid reality.

Give me all this and please...
remember I'll never stray
never falter from the
path again...

I want her back.

Damn you mind, damn you to hell,
you saw through the facades I build
like Rome, but just as Rome was, I'll
prevent, I surrender to this battle,
I can't win

I'll do the deed and return,
hopefully you'll see an
idealist smile.

Sorry for delay but was busy uploading pictures and otherwise playing Dragon Age. This one is pretty subtle but it is about me.

April 12th: Emotional City

Eventually all madness
succums to the sadness,
which wracks and ruins
status and castles.
It leaves the fields scarred,
by swords and horses.

Eventually a siege
succeeds and people
starve, left by divinity
and any hope they
shared.

It's here the King is executed
and the Queen will follow as
the treason now has won
and defeated human spirit.

And now there is nothing but
a city razed, dreams crushed
inside, and people starved
of humanity.

It here we now stand.

This is for yesterday too, often my poetry only comes from one line I heard.

April 13th: Visages You Fear

Milk carton of the day
shows another face
another tale gone wrong.

Wanted posters scream
of convicts, rapists, killers
and bank robbers galore.

Each story is a tale which
you don't want to hear, but
shield your ears and beg for
it to end, the writing on the
wall glowers in your face.

Hi, LastPaladin! **peeks in** I've been meaning to go over these for some time now, so here we go...

April 9

Ha - anything with the 'Path less traveled' is going to crack me up - I love Robert Frost, and I was insanely curious to see what you'd end up doing with it.

I can see you write very intellectually, with a set, specific idea in mind that you want to get across to the audience. Now, this is not necessarily the best way to attack the reader - I mean, it's good to have that element of 'intellect' but without any striking imagery or emotion, it tends to fall flat.

First off, most of your 'learned readers' are likely to be familiar with the Frost poem, so it kind of DOES save you having to rewrite the imagery - but people appreciate his poems FOR the imagery (as well as everything else), so a reminder never goes amiss.

Rose thorns sprinkle
the path less walked

walk
through tulips appeals

with mud tracks implanted
like skid marks on skin.

These images you used; they were sweet and helped brighten up an otherwise very serious poem, but I felt they were not anchored as much, tied coherently together with your overall theme (that I can quite clearly see glaring at me). So...have a think about incorporating a single metaphor for what you're saying continuously throughout the poem; integrate it, expand on it, build on top of it, work sideways with it - and it will only make your message all the richer.

Oh, by the way, if there's one thing I can say for certain, it's that the word 'canoodle' doesn't belong - it kind of kills the depth of intellect you're trying to evoke. To be perfectly honest, that's where I cracked up laughing - a little inappropriate, I think.

April 10

Just wanted to say I ALWAYS get inspired by crazy dreams to write - and, yeah, I see where you're coming from - those 'next-day' dreams are all about what we need to remember for the day after, but we don't currently.

This was quite a dark poem, again, and it was perhaps a bit too raw for my liking; raw and abstract. I KNOW it was a dream, but dreams are hard to understand even on a good day, so think about anchoring it a little more with specific details of reality. And also, try to be less direct about things:

Pathetic reasoning, of a broken mind

'Pathetic' is probably not the best word to begin a poem with; I think you can do better than 'pathetic' - try for something subtle that has yet a larger impact BECAUSE it's subtle - a bit of an image, maybe?

April 11

Favourite lines:

I want her back.

Damn you mind, damn you to hell,
you saw through the facades I build
like Rome, but just as Rome was, I'll
prevent

This is vivid, and clear and striking. I would daresay that you should make the rest of the poem less vivid, so that this can have even greater effect. I loved how you isolated that line 'I want her back,' and then how you went on to curse, 'Damn you mind.'

It's bizarre, but even with your clear statements, I actually have less of an idea what's going on - which makes the mystery all the more annoying. But anything for a bit of emotion from the reader, eh?


April 12

Yes! Good title - 'Emotional City' - had my attention at once. You know, I used to think title weren't that important, till I found myself judging poems by them - so nice work there .

I would not say that it is 'pretty subtle' at all, actually! I think it's quite clear what you are trying to say - if I could say anything, it would be to make it more subtle!

April 13

Yeah - go the one-liners - and that was such a bizarre, chilling, interesting opening few lines:

Milk carton of the day
shows another face

Ouch. This is eerie, and has your intended effect. I didn't like the part about the wanted posters - maybe you don't need the thing about 'convicts, raptists, killers and bank robbers galore' - I think it's understood, actually. Make them more faceless and nameless; it's not really something people like to dwell on - plant the seed in their mind, but deftly skirt your way around the topic.

I loved this line:

writing on the
wall glowers in your face.

Hope that's helped! And good to see you're going strong with NaPo!

Okay, here's today one. It's got a sorta musical quality, and again it's about me. Also thanks Navita, you're a huge help and glad you like my pieces. This is my first time doing NaPo doing my best to keep up.

April 14th: Craving The Fall of the Facades

Dance me a jig, quick not fast,
take to me to heaven and make
it last. Capture the moment in
sands of time, watching the
hour glass slowly decline.

In the great hall, with sparkling
floor, our feet hit the ground,
as we seemingly soar, innunedos
and suggestions fly. We could
really let loose, and let us
glide.

A wink and a nod, and we
both wish, slow dancing
to melodies one never
hears, while passions
and desires rage in
a chord.

The dance we have,
is endless, as words
are spoken in langauge
of secrets, and actions
are acted out, but
never acknowledged.

It matters not how you
perceive what I do, and
what I desire, I only
wish you'd see me
outside the Masquerade.

Well, any poem about music will IMMEDIATELY have my attention. I love music, and whenyou put poetry and music together...well, you can't really go wrong, can you? Which explains why I loved this latest poem of yours.

What I especially liked was the immediacy of the event - you sort of just grab out to us, and pull us right into the image with that commmand in the first line:

Dance me a jig, quick not fast

And I LOVED the random rhyme scheme - I mean; I haven't ever seen it before - did you make it up? If you did, that's clever. If you did not, it was brilliant of you to use it in this poem - where it fits perfectly! You are talking about a 'quick jig' so OF COURSE it works - and it keeps us entertained. My eyes were kind of slurring over the text waiting to see where the rhyme ended.

The dance we have,
is endless, as words
are spoken in langauge
of secrets, and actions
are acted out, but
never acknowledged.

It matters not how you
perceive what I do, and
what I desire, I only
wish you'd see me
outside the Masquerade.

I understand this feeling entirely. 'Actions are acted out but / never acknowledged' - you put things so succinctly; it's really refreshing (and completely, utterly true). I thought the ending was good, too - a nice bang to cap it off.

And, I reckon that for most people at least, they ALWAYS write about themselves when they write poetry - what makes it interesting, is how you present yourself, I guess. Most of my poems are based on something I personally experienced - and generally these ones are true from start to finish. I leave it for the learned readers to figure out which are which! So...it came to me as no surprise that this was, yet again, based on something personal. To be perfectly honest, I don't even think you need to say it - we all write like that, anyway .

Also, I loved the emotion that came with this poem. So...skippity-hop, I guess. It's good to see you experimenting (subconsciously) with different forms of audience-manipulation - I liked the divergence from the more literal and intelligent poems to this more figurative and emotional poem (but you've done very well to keep it grounded!).

This is a good idea but constructed badly, really need help to make it better. Also sorry for delay I'mn trying to catch up.

April 15th: Modern Standards

Deceptive natures break through
and shatter shields, held by Knights
and Heroes in contempory times.

Lifting standards high, we ride our
minds and charity to another,
proud as can be.

Jousting with people,
mental duels and
glorious wit, we
give it all.

Ride on to valour
we shall, defeat
the foul beings
who feast on
misery.

Catching up on NaPo finally, got one more to write to catch up here April 16th's one, and this refers to Saturday night, how it made me feel.

April 16: Every Cloud in Hell Leaves One Day

The passage through Hell
with Dante-esque traps,
and people to face,
it was no such easy
task.

Broken hearts weaken
the body leaving empty.
the melodramatic 7/11
see's them the emos,
romantic, cynics and
crushes that never
let go.

Freedom from this place,
is beautiful and gripping,
to see the sun in the sky
and scream in joyous
praise.

A much less thoughtful piece up next.

April 17th: I Hear Them Say Tommorow Just Another Day, They Lie.

Out for the night, irn bru
ya know. Pub quiz nights
and mic night galore,
dance and swing, sing
this spin.

Hours fly and we live
live live, see the time
and laugh and smile.
The nights fly by
we don't doubt.

Out for the night
it was epic, my mates
drunk and giggling, we
all have banter this
late at night, talking
rubbish, which seems
important. (Aye right)

Finally it's quiet and
we remember now
facts of reality, Oban
tiny we don't doubt.
It was still a blast
that much is true.

And now for the final piece in this catch up. This goes with my feel good mood of this poetry. Inspirational quote from Les Miserables.

April 18th: Freedom

Truths we never share,
lies we never tell,
moments we ignore,
they all come to
past.

It's freedom my friend,
we all truly share

And it's freedom my friend,
that helps us bear.

It will save the lost
free the blind, 'Even
the darknest night
will end and the sun
will begin to rise.'
Musicals never
had it so true.

Okay next two poems, are about a friend. So these ones are nothing to do with me. I just wrote them .

April 19th: Pauper King

From Rags to riches to rags again,
riding trepidation and the torrent
of questions attacking the mind.

Turmoil, joins with trust,
this tempest. But deep down
you know, the storm goes on
and on.

You live by questions and
answers of what you desire.
Love has failed you, hope
has squandered you.

From rags to riches, to rags again.

He didn't much like last one, but this one he liked. And there is some things better about it. But I like both equally.

April 20th: Neverending Riddles

Questions and answers
ride a broken mind,
ride the currents,
dance a tango within
the brain.

You live for questions, that
must have answers, you live
to know, to avoid a fate.

A broken mind, asks same
questions, who, what, when
and why? It all must be understood
all must be known.

A mental trot from broken,
to fixed.

This came about after playing Dragon Age, and it's weird I admit, but theme is no doubt obvious here. So won't need to tell.

April 21st: No Quo, No Status

Free the princess, defeat the wizard,
it's a cliche of sorrow and turmoil in
the end. We live through life in a series
themes, love, hope, fear and death, it's
this puzzle we strive to complete.

Status quo, became a quo when once
there was no quo, now Berlin Wall
can fall again. And humanity itself
will remember this day.