I can't imagine seeing the shingles on the roof without remembering the day that you nailed them into place and watched them fall, your mouth agape when I tried to run for cover under the trees, darting among their long shadows (but I laughed then and I wish I could laugh now, sipping this coffee and wishing my spirits were here enough to reach for the cream); yet that's exactly what the doctor, in his tinny voice, is telling me as he paces around my dining room and tries not to shout as I spill the cup slowly, aiming for his feet.
***
The heavens now will not answer me; the mountains turn their pine-laden backs, the clouds shout by their din, "And do you think I can give you any mercy, frail man?" while even the lakes swallow the stones I skip across as their smooth surface, leaving no ripples. I told you that I would drive myself into the ground eventually, but I guess I hadn't expected my body to do the deed.
***
My mind still wants to compensate - it kills me to think the staff will soon tell me I should have been more cautious, that I should have restrained years of passion and frailty among the woods, where we camped and looked for the rarest mushrooms and the faintest stars, as though I didn't want to burn out rather than fade away.
***
It kills me to think that you, weeping in the driver's seat, as you speed off towards the hospital, my letter in hand, will try to give me the same dreary warnings, as though I hadn't already driven off the cliff and foundered in the river years ago. Because, yes, it changes nothing, and never would have.
***
I do not want to go, but if avoiding this demise meant not seeing your warm face poking from the covers as you caress my check with a soft hand, then I will gladly walk into the shadow of the valley of death, and wait for his grip to carry me upwards.
S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse a persona che mai tornasse al mondo, questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse. Ma per ciò che giammai di questo fondo non tornò vivo alcun, s'i' odo il vero, senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo.
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