See, in my day? Kids had respect for pigs! But they also went on dates with them... And did stuff... *cough* Anyway.. The poem, wow. It is very strong. You show your feelings like there is no tomorrow.
I liked the style and structure, but the imagery just wasn't there for me. Could you please try working on your diction perhaps?
"He who takes a life...it is as if he has destroyed an entire world....but he who saves one life, it is as if he has saved the world entire" Talmud Sanhedrin 4:5
!Hasta la victoria siempre! (Always, until Victory!)
-Ernesto "Che" Guevarra
I think it would be better if you removed the S from the first word. I think the S promotes low self esteem in the reader. Not a good thing. Or maybe even the first T. Either TET or EST...i prefer Est. The french for "is"... so meaningful.
"Sometimes we see a cloud that's dragonish,
A vapour sometimes like a bear or lion,
A towered citadel, a pendant rock,
A forked mountain, or blue promontory,
With trees upon't that nod unto the world,And mock our eyes with air.."
I agree, Muse. Quite so, but as it would be french, I have to disagree. a wonderful statement on a misunderstood subject. Imaagery was a little lacking but succient and simple. I'll go with Jack's word here, magnificient.
***Under the Responsibility of S.P.E.W.*** (Sadistic Perplexion of Everyone's Wits)
Medieval Lit! Come here to find out who Chaucer plagiarized and translated - and why and how it worked in the late 1300s.
Personally, I found it both life-changing and extremely moving. I can't tell you the number of times I read over it, just to find all the hidden little meanings and implications and subtle images that you passed on to the reader. It was just such a powerful piece! *wipes away tear* thank you Nate, you've changed the way I look at everything!
The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello Boo. SPEW is watching.
Poem? I thouht it was one of those short fiction pieces. I thought it was done remarkably well. Normally, when I see capitalized words, I cringe, but this had something meaningful behind it. Something beautiful.
Only a could of things. For one, you used a fragment. Now, mind you, fragments aren't totally bad, and you handled it quite well, but many times writers generally overdo it. While this piece was short enough to not be too repetitious, you have to be careful with other stories that you vary your words and not capitalize everything.
Even so, I love the simplicity of it. It communicated all we needed to know. A remarkably well done job at summarizing the struggles of the human spirit.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
You know, I think you could seriously get this published. I've been thinking about this ever since you posted it... I just can't get it out of my head.
I think we can honestly say who the best writer on this forum is. No one can even compare to your work. Astounding.
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