My dad brought a few jokes and funny stuff home from work, and I decided to put them here. If this isn't the right place, some official person move it!
~Madame Kool
Guide to Employee Performance Approval:
Instructions: check the statement that most closely describes the degree of performance of the employee.
Quality of Work
1. Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
2. Leaps tall buildings with a running start
3. Can leap short buildings with prodding
4. Bumps into buildings
5. Cannot recognize buildings
Promptness
1. Faster than a speeding bullet
2. As fast as a speeding bullet
3. Would you believe a slow bullet?
4. Misfires frequently
5. Wounds self when handling guns
Initiative
1. Stronger than a locomotive
2. As strong as a bull elephant
3. Almost as strong as a bull
4. Shoots the bull
5. Smells like the bull
Adaptability
1. Walks on water
2. Keeps head above water
3. Washes with water
4. Drinks water
5. Passes water in an emergency
Communication
1. Talks with God
2. Talks with the angels
3. Talks with self
4. Argues with self
5. Loses arguments with self
---------------------------------------
These are examples of unclear writing, taken directly from actual letters written to the Welfare Department in applications for support. Hilarious! Mispellings and all, by the way. ~Madame K
*I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on half sheet of paper.
*I am writing the WElfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money.
*I cannot get sick pay. I have had six children, can you tell me why.
*I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.
*This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?
*I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie, as I was married a week before he was born.
*In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighting 10 lbs. I hope this is satisfactory.
*I am forarding my marriage certificate and my three children, one of which is a mistake, as you can see.
*My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.
*Unless I got my husband's money pretty soon I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
*You have changed my boy to a girl, will this make any difference?
*In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
*I want money as quick as I canget it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good.
---------------------------------------------------
One last thing...a short story that was cute. Thanks for reading! ~Madame K
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to do and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody would have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody would do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
Gender:
Points: 1215
Reviews: 378