Young Writers Society

If I make it longer.

Tears like little rivers on my bed as I imagine the horrors that horrible man would do to you. Your home, poor and shabby. I remember when you had been part of mine and still today I cry. Musa are you alive? Has he killed you? Is the rumoured cancer true?

I like that the sentences still have a neat flow.

~

Thank you.

I think you need to expand at certain points a bit to get a longer meaning out of it.

real time reviews lol

I get 500 points for them.

I still don’t know if I want to expand. Just a bit of writing I guess. This is the last one.

I often wonder. Musa. I wrote a story about you. And I’ll write another and another till my brain closes up and my pen falls on the desk. Because I love you. And hope you’re alive. He was Military. Did he hurt you? Do you miss us? Or has he held you in his grasp and forced you into submission. Musa. Are you okay?

is this like from the perspective of a letter?

I think you could also publish it on your wall if you don´t want to spent 200 points for a shorter work.

I know. I’m just not sure if I should do anything with it. I like your idea Shady. It could be a be a letter to her about the time she has been gone.

I think that´s why reviews are here.

i feel like you generally get more in depth feedback tho if you post as a lit work. ppl also aren't going to get points via a wall post

If you post it as lit work you can tag me to read it.

So do you think I should rewrite and publish it on YWS?