anair pm me that joke wonder what it is. i have some dumb blond jokes(kinda weird, im a blond )heres one of them, if you want more say i, if no more say nay
3 men are in prison and they are going to get electrecuted, there is a blond, a auburn fan(doesnthave to be auburn)
and an alabama fan(the names are just how i hear it). the auburn fan is up first.
gaurd:any last words?
af:war eagle!!!
gaurd: ok
he pulls the switch, nothing happens
gaurd:okkkkk, your free to go
the alabama fan is next
gaurd: any last words?
af:roooool tide!!!
gaurd:ok
he pulls the swich, nothing happens
gaurd:oookkkkkkk, your free to go
finally the dumb blond is up
gaurd: any last words?
blond:it's unpluged............
Ok, this is a little dicy, but no offense is ever intended.
An Italian, an American, and a Mexican are all traveling through the amazon forest, and they happen upon a native tribe. They are immediately taken captive for trusspassing on holy land, and are to be flogged severely. But, since they are all forigners they are allowed to use whatever they want for protection. The Italian is first, and he says "I will take only oil." and so he is oiled up, and whipped. The Mexican is next, and he says "I don't need any protection, go ahead an whip me." Impressed, the natives whip him. Finally they come to the American, and when asked what he wants to use for protection, he says "I'll take the Mexian."
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A Priest, a Buddhast monk, and a Rabbi are all sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake fishing. Suddenly, the Rabbi says "Oh no! I've forgotten the Matza!" So he leaps out of the boat, and darts across the top of the water, and comes back with Matza. Then, the Buddhas jumps up and says "Oh no! I've forgotten the sandwitches!" So he gets up, steps out of the boat, and walks across the top of the water. The priest thinks to himself 'If these two non believers can walk across the water like our Lord and savior, than surely, I can too!" So the priest gets up, steps out of the boat, and sinks to the bottom. The Rabbi turns to the Buddhast and says "Hey, do you think we should have told him about the stones?"
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A Priest a Rabbi and a horse all walk into a bar and the bartender says "what is this some kind of joke?"
---
HAHAHAHAHAA
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- HL Mencken
Lie together like butt.
Presenting the GFuture, soon to be the Gnow, reality presented by Google.
Welcome to GEarth.
~Baske in the randomness~
*Wipes tear from eye*. Oh my god, the third one is so-o-o funny. Oh my god. Nice...
*Static* Please wait while the mods discuss something please:
Jack, shouldn't we like...delete this thread, or split it up into the other joke thread? Because they both are practically the same. But I guess it doesn't matter.
Gotta a find a woman be good to me,
Who won't hide my liquor, try to serve me tea.
Without sensibility no object would be given to us, without understanding no object would be thought. Thoughts without content are empty, intuitions without concepts are blind.
I have more Heaven and Hell jokes. They're definitely dirty, though:
Bonus Question : Is Hell exothermic [gives off heat} or
endothermic [absorbs heat] ?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle`s Law {gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed]
One student however, wrote this:
"First we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let`s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle`s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives 2 possibilities
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, the the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Theresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct.....leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Theresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
______
And another one:
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh ! God, I'm coming!"
"If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."
An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that life's going to launch you into something great, so just focus and keep aiming. — Unknown
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