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Halo And Me



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Tue Sep 07, 2010 9:30 pm
Adeera says...



Halo And Me.


“Do you know what your goat did?”
I adopted the look of an innocent sibling getting reprimanded by her big brother
“Got hungry?” I replied meekly
“It ate my friend,” I giggled at this, he continued “No really, I was very attached to Phil”
“It's a plant” I argued
“that's not the point, and you would be wise to keep Halo in the barn whilst I am home,” he started to leave then added “oh and I expect you to get me a new plant,”
“OK Austin,”

My only brother had been home from college for only a few hours when my Pygmy goat Halo had eaten his Golden Pathos house plant.
It's not that I didn't feel bad about Halo's actions, I did, but I also didn't take kindly to death threats toward my 'baby'
.
I remember the day I got her. I was about eight years old when my mom looked at me from the rear view mirror in our red diesel suburban and asked if I wanted a goat of my own. I was a little reluctant to accept the offer because of my previous run-in with my sister Hannahs Nubian goat named Freckles. I was minding my own business when Freckles cornered me and began rearing and butting, after much screaming and crying my mother ran out and, much to Hannahs dismay, beat the tar out of that goat Ever since then I was never really fond of the creatures.

“um . . . Sure . . .” I said slowly.
“Will you promise to take really good care of it?” my mom prompted and my siblings, all older, threw in bits of advise and stated the pro's and con's of having my own animal.
“I promise,” as the thought settled in my brain I was able to adjust and even become excited.

A few hours later we pulled into the driveway of a well kept and charming looking farm house. It took a while for someone to answer the door but a Woman with long blond hair led us to the goat pasture behind her house.
I remember there were a lot of goats along with a few lama's and a donkey. The Woman gestured to the goats that were for sale and my mom told me to chose one. my siblings and their ever present advice was ringing in my ears and I couldn't decide whether I wanted a black, brown or a milky white. I was kneeling in the grass glancing from one goat to the next. Then I saw one. It was the smallest and by far the cutest. She had a light brown body with a black stripe down her back and black traced her dark eyes.
“that one right there,” I pointed
“Oh it's so tiny!” one of my sisters sighed.
The Blond Lady went around the barn and came back with the 11 inch tall goat, she handed the baby to me. My mom paid the $60 dollars and I held my new goat as we drove to my sisters piano lesson.

As we waited for the lesson to end my sisters and I considered what we could name the little thing. Something like angel felt accurate but it was such a typical name and I didn't like that. All kinds of names were voiced as we listened to the Bleating that came from the fuzzy body that I had in my lap.
Looking at the top of her head I noticed a white circle of fur that was set perfectly between her ears.
It reminded me of a halo, so that became her name, Halo.
The poor little thing cried herself hoarse while she adjusted to her new surroundings. eventually she calmed down and we became the best of friends.

We really were friends, I took her on walks and hikes, we would share my lunch and take naps in the sun. she would comfort me when I needed it. I reprimanded her when she was being bad and she gave me a swift butt in the knees when I was being stupid, Yup we were best friends.

I've had her for roughly 8 years and in all that time there have been lessons learned, car rides when we went on errands, tears shed, goat kisses received, Laughs shared, plants re-potted and hard times when all I wanted to do was sale her and let somebody else deal with the trouble she came with, But there was one time when she had run away for 6 weeks and in that time I realized just how much I loved that nuisance, and when I got her back I gave her a big hug, much to her displeasure.

She still goes on walks or runs with my sisters and I and she usually runs around the property without bounds or a leash, which can cause problems when people are letting plants get sunshine.

To this day I don't know what made me accept moms offer to get a goat of my very own but to this day I have never truly regretted having her in my life, she completes me and my love for her will never change, I'll take anything for her even my brothers anger when he said:

“Do you know what your goat did?”



~ Mikey
The talent of an amazing writer, they can convey any emotion, make you feel thing's you've never felt, and help you understand that which you thought you never would.

"Not all who wander are lost."
Tolkien
  





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Tue Sep 07, 2010 11:29 pm
EliteHusky says...



I love this. The goat is a very lovable character! The fact that it is non-fiction adds that certain charm to know that these events actually happened. The beginning was great. At first I did not fully understand that "Phil" was a plant but that fuelled my interest to keep reading. When the realization set in, it did so in a humorous manner. Overall very well written, very interesting, and very real. A very lovable entry.

Sincerely,
Elitehusky
  





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Wed Sep 08, 2010 12:55 am
Rosendorn says...



Hello.

I would suggest you focus on one thing before posting: grammar.

The first thing I noticed was the dialogue grammar. You have commas where there should be periods, and missing punctuation in general. This is very distracting for the reader and detracts from your story. No matter what content you have, poor punctuation makes the story more difficult to read. Dialogue punctuation can be some of the most jarring, because it's usually ignored. But when the conventions aren't followed, then it stands out. Like it does here.

I'd suggest looking at this article on dialogue punctuation. It's got examples of every dialogue and tag (tags being "he said" and variations, along with movements the character does) combination, and how each should be punctuated. (It's not all that long, though.)

I'd also take a look at your capitalization. Quite a lot of dialogue lines start without a capital letter, when they should. Word will not catch an uncapitalized word at the beginning of dialogue, so you have to keep track of it by proofreading.

Overall, it was hard for me to get through this work because of the grammar. Polish that up, and reviewers are more likely to finish this.

Hope this helps. PM me if you have any questions/comments.

~Rosey
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.
  





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174 Reviews



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Wed Sep 08, 2010 1:58 am
EliteHusky says...



While grammar is an issue, as pointed out. I believe it is worth stressing that the content was very interesting and did sustain my interest. Overall a re-reading this for grammar will help polish this entry but I really did enjoy the overall content.

Sincerely,
Elitehusky
  





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Wed Jan 26, 2011 3:02 am
Schroedette says...



XD Not long after that, Phil had an *ahem,* encounter with Hannah...lol.

I love this! It's well written, (but of course it could be proofread) sweet and nostalgic. I hope to see more like this.
[color=#400080]"You mistake me, my dear. I have the utmost respect for your nerves. They have been my constant companion these twenty years."[/color]
  








When a good man is hurt, all who would be called good must suffer with him.
— Euripides