Young Writers Society

Wow, I haven't been here in FOREVER! Anyway, this is the prologue of a novel I finished a few weeks ago. I must admit I'm terribly proud of myself for finishing it, but now it's time for editing and re-writing, as I have two huge contests coming up I'm entering it in.

I greatly appreciate ALL comments and constructive criticism. Be harsh if you want (I love excellent criticism), but please don't just insult; please give suggestions and recommendations. Thank you so much in advance.
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I should have seen this coming.

As your best friend, your confidante, your other half, the only other person who understood, I should have known what you were considering even before you really did.

After all, you aren't the kind of person who does things spur-of-the-moment. That’s me, I have always been the impulsive one. You, though, you are the one who plans everything. Who sits and thinks for ridiculous amounts of time weighing the pros and cons of every decision. There was this one time we went to Subway, and just like always I picked a random sandwich off the menu, the first one that caught my eye. Mine was completely done and at the checkout by the time you even decided what kind of bread you wanted.

Suddenly I feel it, like a knife stabbing in my gut. I have been betrayed. You must have thought about this, been planning this. And you never mentioned a thing.

I don’t know who I am more mad at, you for hiding this from me, or me, for not seeing it sooner. I was supposed to be the one who always watched out for you.

Which begs to the question, what else have you kept hidden?

It is my fault that you are gone. Not my fault that you left to begin with, certainly, but I could have stopped you from going anywhere if only I had been more perceptive. This is my problem; I have to be the one to fix it.

I do not think about anything as I slip on my shoes, grab my coat, grab a backpack I fill with nothing. I do not think about anything as I flat-out sprint to the nearest bus stop like there is some way I can outrun my emotions. I do not think about anything as I get off the bus at its third stop and start walking toward the airport, my feet propelled by some invisible force. I do not think about anything as I spend most of my savings to buy a plane ticket. I do not think, I just do.

I have always been the impulsive one.

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Chapter 1 will also be posted today, and I will be posting as much of the rest of it as I can in the next few days. (It's 50 chapters total plus an epilogue)

Chase is also on Wattpad; you can read the full story here: http://www.wattpad.com/1589650-c-h-a-s- ... logue-cole

I definitely found it interesting, but I was a bit confused while reading it. I'm not quite sure what the narrator realized, but did his friend commit suicide, or something? It's really not that clear to me, but overall I like it. Nice language, descriptions. I'll read the first chapter if I'm able to, and maybe my questions are answered then.

Awesome! I'm really looking forward to reading the first chapter, although I did find it a bit confusing as I read it. I think you should tell us how had the narrator been betrayed, what should he have foreseen, or at least give us a hint of what had happened. But well, that just makes me want to read the first chapter to see what happens then, and hopefully my questions will be answered. Anyway, nice! Let's see if you can make the reader read on until chapter 50. I think I will.

Hey there Gen!

I'm not really one for prologues but the title caught my eye, so I came for a gander

First off, your opening line is great. At once my brain is filled with a question; Seen what coming? The best way to make me want to read on is to make me want to know what happens next. You certainly hook my interest with the first line, even if this is only a prologue.

I like how you gave a brief description of both characters, even if it was only by comparing how the MC is impulsive and the other character likes to think before they act. Giving the reader a little bit of personality to hold onto is better than giving them a description of their hair and eyes, in my opinion. While an image can make the character look realistic in the readers mind, personality can make the characters feel realistic. It means we have a chance to identify with them.

This almost feels like a letter at parts, when the MC is talking straight to the other character by saying 'you'. It's a different way of writing and I think it gave the piece more life, compared to if it had just been the MC and their thoughts.

Sorry for the short review, but the piece isn't exactly long, so there's nothing I can really give you but my first impressions. The prologue serves its purpose by making me want to read on. That's a good thing for sure.

I hope this helps.

xDudettex