Young Writers Society

The Life and times of Secret Treasure

You know I don’t really know what to write for an introduction so I’m going to wing it. Okay so sorry for this disclaimer of me winging this introduction. Secrets are a huge part of my life. Reason being I have no clue. Sorry I was listening to music. Where was I, yeah I was talking about Secrets their really important to a person. If you tell a person a secret you obviously think that it’s their desire to keep it and not tell anybody. But sadly their some people who don’t obliged to those rules. Those people are called Secret breakers.
Well, my name is Secret Solo Treasure. But you can just call me S.T or just plain Secret. If you wondering why on Earth you would someone call a person Secret? Why don’t you ask my parents, see before I was born my parents were doing the normal routine of everyday parent preparedness looking for supplies and all that baby stuff. And they were looking for names and they thought about many names such as Amy, Kelsey, Jamie but no offense to those people who names are those but my parents ditched those names. So they thought about the name Secret. The other two parts of my name don’t really have that long of a spiel. The name Solo is basically means “yourself.” And for Treasure my parent’s last name is Treasure. Wait…you must be thinking that my parents have really unique names. No sadly not entirely they have normal names such as Jack and Andrea. No not Jack and Jill I’m not nursery teacher am I? Enough of me why don’t I tell you about my other family members names are Jeddy and she’s 14 years old and the other one he’s Jamay and he’s 11 years old. Oh yeah I’m 16 years old.
I’m not sure if anybody is able to at-test to this but I go to school with my sister. She’s a 10th grader and I’m in 11th grade. I mean don’t get me wrong or anything but my sister is cool and stuff but it’s just awkward. And then to make it weirder she’s in…Actually let’s leaved that for future references. I just remembered that I forget to tell you the place that I’m from a place called Kov, Washington. Kov is really nice and peaceful the only thing is that nothing happens in this town. Despite the fact that nothing happens we have 36,000 people in our town. We have the usual that every town has a Kov Bowling alley, Freddie’s AMB.
However, we have the most awkwardness thing ever…. Treasure high and home of the Secerters I’ll get to that part of the story later. If you didn’t realize what I just did then you need to either discard this book or look go look for something more amusing to you or wake up and pay attention.
All this information I’m telling you can’t be told unless you ask permission from Miss Treasure.
Alright enough don’t you want to get to the Actual part of the story? The good stuff that you avid readers have been itching to read. Then farther or do I present you “The Life and Times of Secret Treasure.”
First of all let me tell you why on the previous page I said that’s its kind wired that my sister and i share the same school. The reason why is she’s in 3 of my 7 classes. She’s in French, Photography, Video Production, and has the same lunch as me. Sadly that’s the reason why Treasure High is so wired to me.
Let me tell you about Treasure High, you know all of its history all that mumbo jumbo. Treasure High is situated on 16 acres. You must be thinking why it’s called Treasure High. Well if I must tell Mr. and Mrs. Nosy.
Started 15 years ago, the town’s people and all of the other important members were thinking that this town needed a high school. So they found this 16 acres property on the outskirts of town. They decided that this place was going to be a potential site for a High School. Now building this was a challenge because the mayor for some freak reason wanted this project to be completed in 7 months. Sadly I wish I can to tell you this was the only problem but no the school was surround by 3 acres of trees, dirt, wetlands, and 400 ft. worth of mud.
Nevertheless to make things a little bit lighter. The school itself has 30 ft. ceilings in the main office; classrooms are equipped with touch screen computers, HP Pavilion G6 and Dell Insprion. As high tech as this school is we still use paper, pencils, and the usual everyday items.
The Cafeteria is not like any cafeteria you’ve ever seen. On each table there are 10 inch screens that have the choices of what’s going to be served for lunch. Did I forget to mention its touch screen? After that you use this card and you swipe it on the slot.
“Hello class Welcome back from Mid-Winter Break.” Said Mrs. G
“Hi Mrs. G,” said the classroom in a half excited/ rowdy way
Okay Mrs. G she’s an English teacher. Brunette has long curly hair, about 32 years old. And likes to hang out with Mr. Manga he was a former all-American wrestler and a 3rd degree black belt.
“Class, today were going to be reading this interesting short novel called “How to find something hidden.” Said Mrs. G
“Mrs. G why do we have to read this book?” a random voice from the back of the classroom
“Cause I said so.” Said Mrs. G in an affirmative way
“Know classes come get your books in the front of the classroom.” Mrs. G said
Everybody went up to get their books. The books had this soft but rough edge. Uneven edges and it was about 76 pages long. The cover was a brown-greyish color and it had a picture of 5 kids holding a magnify glass. For some reason I didn’t really feel that this book was very appropriate. I had this hazy feeling that this book contained some type of secret or hidden message. So mustered the courage to ask my teacher what’s the deal.
“Mrs. G, who wrote this book and how come this book feels like it’s hiding something?” Secret asked
Everybody was laughing at me because of that question
“Secret, why are we reading this book because it’s part of the curriculum, and by the way the person who wrote this fine book her name is Jasline Remposture? Why are you having this feeling I don’t know there’s nothing that I could tell you.” Said Mrs. G
Ding…
“Hey class have chapter 1-8 complete tomorrow.” Said Mrs. G
And Secret this note is for you.” Mrs. G
“Note, who wrote this?” said Secret under her breath
“And Secret listen here you better read that book that you got from class. Mrs. G said nonchalantly.
“Excuse me Mrs. G did you say something?” said Secret
“Watch Out, and by the way here’s a pass so that you don’t get late to where you’re going.” Said Mrs. G
“Hey Secret, what’s up.” Jamke Said
“Nothing much but Mrs. G had a spasm attack.” Said Secret
“Really” Jamke said
“You want to walk over to Mr. Craze.” Said Jamke
Bringgggggggg…
“Good afternoon.” Said Mr. Craze
“Good Afternoon Mr. Craze.” In a gloomy/ groan voice
“Okay Class if you’ve not been exposed lately or been told that something wired going to happen.” Said Mr. Craze
“ Anyways let’s get to science class today were going to learn about Photosynthesis and were going to learn how to make diet coke so look for your Lab Partners. “ said Mr. Craze
“Secret do you have a partner?” Said Mr. Craze
“No, Mr. Craze.” Said Secret
“Secret, here’s a person her name is Meddy Kov.” Said Mr. Craze
Who on earth is she. I’ve never seen this girl ever. Okay Meddy Kov she’s a brunette with fluffy hair, it’s tied into a Mohawk with pigtails, she’s about 5’9, wears black eye shadow, and was wearing a Aeropatle Sweater with number 78 on it and she had Nike + Free run shoes. And she was sitting in the back of the classroom.
“Hi my name is Secret.” Said secret
“Hi my name is Meddy Kov.” Said Meddy Kov
“For some reason this is the first time I’ve realized you.” Said Secret
“Yeah I transferred from Mr. Ankra science class to Mr. Craze.” Said Meddy Kov
“Why did you transfer from Mr. Ankra science class?” asked Secret
“Well let’s just say something bad happened to him and he went somewhere else.” Said Meddy Kov in a dark/ eerie way
“Wait did you destroy him? “Secret asked in a concerned way
“Oh gosh no…my explosion was so bad that his classroom and himself flee to the north side of the school. Said Meddy Kov
“Alright, well let’s get to work on this project.” Said Secret kind of hesitantly
“Class … Class I forget to tell you that this science project is 43.33 % of your grade and also it due June 13th, 2011. By the way this project is going to be shown in a Cake walk style.” Said Mr. Craze

Greetings, peasant! Ohohoho! I'm here to review your work!

So, I have read this piece and found a large amount of spelling and grammatical errors. This takes away from the focus one has on the actual plot, and I was distracted by them greatly, I must admit. I also didn't like the formatting of the paragraphs, and your word choices. I did not like this story for those reasons. However, I can say that the plot did seem interesting. I hope that you edit this piece on this forum, so I can reread it and perhaps give you a better review.

I agree with you Daughther of Evil. Thank you so much for reading my piece. I'll do exaclty what you said so that it can be much better.