Young Writers Society

1. Whatever happened to my life?
Before you ask, I’m not for sale you fucking jerk.

Before you slap me, call me a whore, argue with me over the price of my pussy, let me get something off my chest.

Men are scum. I am no longer a smack head. I am not here to suck your cock or to give you a fancy looking handjob.

My sister brought me into this business. I intend to move out of it as quickly as I can. I am not intending on staying here, in this city, for too long. Know your limits. I couldn’t define limits when she sedated me that night.

So before you consider yourself unlucky, not getting to touch my body or using me as a sex toy, wait until you see my veins. Years and years of abuse are visible when I wear t-shirts with no sleeves. I use this destruction to barricade men from wanting me. “Hey baby, show us your tits!” When they cry that, I cannot wait to flash my skin. The scars still show. My blood still thickens.

Don’t offer me a fag. I don’t have the time to get lung cancer. I don’t even have time to talk to you. Oh, you want to come closer now? Every man on this fucking street wants my body, isn’t it? It looks like heroin addiction doesn’t seem to forbid you to me. I was junkie for five years, yet you STILL want my body? Men get deafer by the second it seems.

There is my call to get away, but I shall refuse. Why? I need money. So don’t go round calling me a slut. I am only Semi-Pro. Want a pro, you talk to Rene. Rene will provide you with the best things imaginable. I am not Rene. No point of me telling you my name. You’ll forget. Like everyone else.

If I am Semi-Pro, and Rene is top slut, then William is the man around here. He has an indefinite swagger that remains unmatched after all these years. A self-proclaimed ‘pimp of the decade’, he handles all the up-market arrangements. New gal? Sign her up. Next in line? Don’t ask me, I’m just a worker.

Honestly, what services do you require? If you are looking for someone to TELL you their boob size, or to tell you their favourite sex positions, a hotline is good for you. If you want to get a serious taste of what we are about then talk to William. He can get you three girls for the price of one. No joke there. Even if it’s just for a girl to have a fag with you, go ahead. I’m not the most valuable source of information. Seek someone elsewhere.

Don’t be expecting a free ticket to pleasure though. You need to pay for this service, sir. Yep, it’s not a privilege. A service. As much as a service as transportation. We provide sex, pleasure, smack. Although I no longer partake in drug use anymore, it is a great opportunity to die young. In terms of disintegration we provide a step further than anyone else.

Please don’t be offended. I’m sure you’re used to girls rejecting you.
I am sure you are also used to people calling you a pervert. A voyeur. A ‘rapist in the making’ so to speak. Don’t be hurt. We’re just being honest.

Stop staring. I have work to do.

This was really effective. It showed exactly how bad some people's lives can be, and how they view it. I would really like to read the rest of this story!

This story has a lot of potential. It captures what girls go through so many times a day. It also captures how man just use girls and think it's okay. I want to read the rest of this. You got my interest from the very first line. I can't believe her sister got her into that what a (you know what). Keep writing!

Honestly, it's amazing to see a guy capture a woman's feelings so completely. I really loved this.

If I am Semi-Pro, and Rene is top slut, then William is the man around here. He has an indefinite swagger that remains unmatched after all these years. A self-proclaimed ‘pimp of the decade’, he handles all the up-market arrangements. New gal? Sign her up. Next in line? Don’t ask me, I’m just a worker.

This was an excellent way to introduce characters.

I have some grammar stuff but that's not a huge deal.

Before you ask, I’m not for sale, you fucking jerk.

What a great intro line!

I intend to move out of it as quickly as I can. I am not intending on staying here, in this city, for too long.

Just change one of them.

Honestly, what services do you require? If you are looking for someone to TELL you their boob size, or to tell you their favourite sex positions, a hotline is good for you. If want to get a serious taste of what we are about then talk to William. He can get you three girls for the price of one. No joke there. Even if it’s just for a girl to have a fag with you, go ahead. I’m not the most valuable source of information. Seek someone elsewhere.

This was really the only paragraph that I didn't understand what you wanted to prove or point out. Maybe try to make it clearer.

A rapist-in-the-making so to speak.

Anyway, this is a great chapter. I would love to read the rest. I appreciate the bluntness.

First off...what? You're a boy! When I first read this I assume the writer was a girl, kudos for you for writing such a convincing female voice!

Secondly, I'm a writer as well, I've got more works on Wattpad than here, one of my works is about a call girl. Now I've done research, I'm not sure if you have or not. Just let me make this distinction clear, call girls are NOT hookers or prostitutes. Hookers/prozzies, walk the streets and would sleep with someone for drug money or bus fare. Hookers/prozzies don't take care of themselves or care about their Johns. Call girls/escorts are professional working women...does it seem like I'm condoning this?...who don't seek out clientele. They control everything, sure they may have a madam, but they ultimately set the prices, pick their clients, and say what they will and won't do. This character seems like a hooker to me, I'd have to read more to fully know.

Thirdly, I like this, I really do. Like I first said, this is strong and the voice is memorable. I like it and I promise you darling that I won't forget your name ; ) Can't wait to see where you take your call girl, my call girl is a bit different, a bit of a love story really, I wonder will yours get one?

Nicely done,
Grandison

Hi there. Just a couple of nit-picky things first of all:

Don’t offer me a fag. I don’t have the time to get lung cancer. I don’t even have time to talk to you. Oh, you want to come closer now? Every man on this fucking street wants my body, isn’t it? It looks like heroin addiction doesn’t seem to forbid you to me. I was a junkie for five years, yet you STILL want my body? Men get deafer by the second it seems.

'Isn't it' needs changing to ' don't they' to make it flow better.

No point of me telling you my name.

Change 'of' to 'in.'

Other than that I thought this was great. Really blunt and well told, especially from a male writer giving a woman's voice well. Good work

Becki