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Young Writers Society


Why Ch. 12



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Thu Mar 30, 2006 4:45 am
Black Ghost says...



"Hello, and good evening everyone, I'm Terry Shaw bringing you the eight o'clock news update." Said a tall dark-haired reporter, standing in front of the grocery store, police buzzing past her.

"I'm at the scene of a robbery that took place at the 'Grocery Stop', down by 11th avenue. Apparently, a tall, rough looking man entered the establishment wielding a gun. In the store at the time was the owner, along with a blonde haired boy named Joe Camson and another small boy unrelated to Joe, who's name is as of yet, unknown." The woman then took her microphone and brought it over to the asian man who owned the grocery store.

"Here I have the owner of the 'Grocery Stop', Spencer Chu, to tell us his first hand experience of the robbery."

Spencer put his mouth near the microphone and began to speak. "Uh, yes, Terry, I was just standing there taking the boy's money when the robber pulled out his gun. You know, I was very terrified and had no idea what to do. I thought I was going to die in there, especially when the robber told me to give him money. There was no money in my safe but I had to tell him something to keep him occupied, so I took him over to my safe. I didn't know what I would do when I opened it and he found it empty, but luckily that boy called the police." The reporter then pulled the microphone away from Spencer.

"Thank you, Spencer, and we are all glad you're okay. In fact, there were no fatalities in this robbery except for one, the robber himself. You see, the boy, Joe Camson, in a heroic action, called 9-1-1 on Spencer's cell phone while the robber, Jack Plash, was occupied with the safe. The robber also had taken a hold of the younger boy and had put a gun to the boy's head. Unfortunately for Joe, Jack had spotted him on the phone. Jack went over to Joe and kicked him in the face. Joe will be okay, except for a few facial injuries that will be taken care of at the local hospital. Then there was a gunshot, apparently after the kick, at which time Spencer had closed his eyes for he did not want to see the younger boy die. But in a twist of events the robber had not shot the boy, but himself. Police are baffled at why the robber went to such drastic measures, since he had not killed anyone and would have gotten off with about 5 years in prison. Nonetheless, authorities are glad that the situation has been contained, and that the victims had made it out alive."

Molly lifted the remote and shut off the television on the wall. she put the remote down beside her on a small table as she looked back at her injured son, laying in a hospital bed.

The ambulance had taken them to the Saint Anthony Hospital to get Joe bandaged up. He was still unconsious, but the doctor had assured Molly that he would wake up within the next hour.

As Molly sat down on the cushioned green chair next to Joe's bed, she realized just how drained she felt. But she could care less. She grasped her son's motionless hand, just glad that he was okay. There never was a time she could remember when she had felt as scared as she did when she heard Joe was in danger.

Molly could not believe her eyes when she had seen the robber dead on the floor. It did not make sense to her why he shot himself either. She concluded he must have been insane.

But it doesn't matter, she thought to herself, as long as Joe's fine.

Then she almost jumped as she was tapped on the shoulder. She looked up and saw a kind looking nurse.

"Sorry I startled you, ma'am. Do you need anything?" She asked.

"Maybe just a blanket," replied Molly, "I'm going to be spending the night with my son."

"Of course, I'll get it for you," the nurse said,"and I hope your son recovers quickly."

"Thank you," said Molly, forcing a weak smile.

As the nurse walked off, Molly laid her head beside Joe's waist, hoping to get a little shut-eye. That's when she felt her son's hand move within hers'.

Her head bolted upright as she said,"Joe, are you awake, baby?"

Joe's eyes fluttered open and he looked around the room. The bright light blinded him, but soon he regained focus and was looking into his mother's face, filling with tears.

"Oh, Joe, are you okay?" she said, the tears streaming.

The first word out of his mouth was barely audible. "Max," he said weakly, "Is he dead?"

"The other boy?" she asked, "No, he's not dead, the robber shot himself in the head." Joe looked shocked, even through his bandages.

"What do you mean? I saw the gun to Max's head, right before the gunshot. The guy couldn't have shot himself."

"But he did, Joe," replied Molly,"He was found dead on the floor with the gun in his hand."

Joe tried to sit up, but failed. His face was aching so much he could hardly move.

"Joe, keep laying down, you were badly hurt," Molly said, resting her hand on his chest.

"But Mom," Joe continued,"The gun was to Max's head, and I heard the gunshot right before I passed out. The guy couldn't have shot himself, he just couldn't."
Last edited by Black Ghost on Sat Apr 01, 2006 10:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Fri Mar 31, 2006 1:30 am
Black Ghost says...



magicman wrote:As the nurse walked off, Molly laid her head beside Joe's waist, hoping to get a little shut-eye. That's when she felt her son's hand move within hers'.

Her head bolted upright as she said,"Joe, are you awake, baby?"

Joe's eyes fluttered open and he looked around the room. The bright light blinded him, but soon he regained focus and was looking into his mother's face, filling with tears.

"Oh, Joe, are you okay?" she said, the tears streaming.

The first word out of his mouth was barely audible. "Max," he said weakly, "Is he dead?"

"The other boy?" she asked, "No, he's not dead, the robber shot himself in the head." Joe looked shocked, even through his bandages.

"What do you mean? I saw the gun to Max's head, right before the gunshot. The guy couldn't have shot himself."

"But he did, Joe," replied Molly,"and why are you so worried about the other boy? Did you know him?"

Joe tried to sit up, but failed. His face was aching so much he could hardly move.

"Joe, keep laying down, you were badly hurt," Molly said, resting her hand on his chest.

"But Mom," Joe continued,"The gun was to Max's head, and I heard the gunshot right before I passed out. The guy couldn't have shot himself, he just couldn't.":D


I really feel like I need to change some things in this part, any suggestions?? :?
  





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Sat Apr 01, 2006 8:37 pm
Black Ghost says...



come on!!! can anyone please give me some feedback on this, please?

I need something to make this better!!
  





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Sat Apr 01, 2006 8:57 pm
zell says...



i don't think it needs changing its alright i suppose infact i think its better than alright its very good
  





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Sat Apr 01, 2006 10:03 pm
-KayJuran- says...



Lol, Magicman I promise I'll try and remember to go through this in the morning, but I need to go to bed now.. so you'll have to wait a little bit longer. Forgive me? :wink:

For now though, something I picked up just now::

"But he did, Joe," replied Molly,"and why are you so worried about the other boy? Did you know him?"


^ The whole why-are-you-so-worried thing sounds odd. I mean to say, why would he not be worried. He's not just some selfish kid who doesn't care whether anyone else gets hurt. I know Molly should be more worried about Joe than anyone else, but why isn't she a bit worried about Max as well? Or at least curious as to who he is?? This just struck me as a bit odd.

Liking the ending...

"But Mom," Joe continued,"The gun was to Max's head, and I heard the gunshot right before I passed out. The guy couldn't have shot himself, he just couldn't."


This gets me thinking, and I can't immediately answer all of my own questions.. it gets you wanting to read on, and see what happens next. Good cliffhanger!

Anyways, like I said before, I'll try and post more either tomorrow or Monday, as it's past my bedtime. (My bedtime is earlier than before, as I've decided I need more sleep or I'll fail my A-Levels! Eep!)


EDIT:: Oh, and try to be a little more patient. This hasn't been up for very long!! :wink:
"There you go - sausages à la bread!" - Blue.
  








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