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Young Writers Society


somewhere over the Rainbow:Part I



do you think i should continue this or is it more effective left uninished?

yes
1
100%
no
0
No votes
 
Total votes : 1


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Mon May 02, 2005 4:43 pm
Acid_Fairy says...



I stared out at the dark streets. The light drizzle showed up clear, against the pools of light, that flooded the black pavement. There were no clouds in the sky tonight. Just the stars. Watching over me. Smiling at me.
I looked into the bright lights of the horizon. Thinking that if I looked far enough, I would be able to see them. My Papi...My Tia Zulima, my abouelos...my cousins...Katalina...Cecilia... Smiling, waving, and telling me how much they loved me.
I felt a tear drip slowly down my cheek. Falling onto my windowsill silently. I looked around my room. Everything was still there. My desk still had everything on it. My bookcase was still overflowing with books. And yet, despite the small space of my bedroom, it felt empty. Reflecting how I felt inside. A small tap on my door announced the arrival of my mum, home from work. She poked her head around the door.
"Get your coat love. We'll be off now." she said delicately, as if the the words were about to fall to peices as she said them. Then dissapeared again. I picked up the small carrier bag, contained a few of my posessions which ment most to me. Then climbing dom from my window seat, I took one last look at my life as I knew it. The only life I had and had ever known. And with one last look around my room, through the tears that blurred my eyes, I closed the door on my life...Forever.
I didn't know where we were going. I could only guess. But deep down, i hoped it would be somewhere over the rainbow....





(this is in the narrative poetry section as well because i posted it by mistake- i'm not sure how you delete it from there...?)
Angel now- Devil forever ;-P
  





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Mon May 02, 2005 4:50 pm
Lollipop says...



Awwww! It's soo sad! But it's great at the same time! I think you should continue it!

~Lollipop~
Way hay!!!!
  





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Mon May 02, 2005 6:51 pm
Rei says...



Definitely continue. It's all right t leave certain stories unfinished, but only if you've given the reader enough so that s/he can piece together what might happen next. Here, you didn't. But it's still a very strong start to a much longer story. I'd like to know more about the narrator and where s/he is going.
Please, sit down before you fall down.
Belloq, "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
  








"Think of all the beauty still left around you, and smile."
— Anne Frank