Chionophobia #15 /P

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Incandescence
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Points 890
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Thu Jan 11, 2007 5:00 am
Incandescence says... · Thu Jan 11, 2007 5:00 am
Removed.
Last edited by Incandescence on Tue Mar 20, 2007 1:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson




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Emerson
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Thu Jan 11, 2007 9:42 pm
Emerson says... · Thu Jan 11, 2007 9:42 pm
It was good. I haven't a single complaint!

Well, no. At one point, the dialog/action got weird and I couldn't see it happening (The fight) but eventually it picked back up. It was just awkward was all.

You write so well. I really want to see this on a shelf. I caught no errors.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo




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Riedawriter23
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Fri Jan 12, 2007 4:32 am
Riedawriter23 says... · Fri Jan 12, 2007 4:32 am
YAY! I've been waiting for this one and it was definitley worth waiting for it. I loved how you ended it as well. Kyle and John are getting pretty close, can't wait to see what happens next. This is what they would call a page-turner. lol. Great Job.
I love, love.
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Jennafina
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Wed Feb 21, 2007 8:32 am
Jennafina says... · Wed Feb 21, 2007 8:32 am
“Jonathon.” Kyle said.

There should be a comma instead of a period after Jonathon.

No other complaints, though. This part was especially good.

-Jenna
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Sometimes poetry is inspired by the conversation entered into by reading other poems.
— John Barton