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Chapter 3 of "Tainted Life"



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Points: 2049
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Tue Nov 10, 2009 6:26 pm
Calmal says...



Here is Chapter 3 of "Tainted Life". This Chapter is seen through the eyes of the Leader of the Braxton Solar Navy.
Chapter 3: Wavering loyalties.
Ducis Das.

The leader of the Braxton Space Navy was an impatient man. After years of war among their own race, Das had risen through the ranks quickly. Seeing the rebellious colonies pulverised into the ground, treacherous soldiers cut clean in two by the diamond bayonets, the families of guilty spies massacred. The Commander had loved it all. He stood by the Rex Vons for many years nuking entire worlds and being favoured. Although peace had been reached, it would’t last long. It never did. Braxton were born fighters and would always fight among themselves no matter what others said. Other species saw Das as a bighead who took cruel and rash action. The rebels were the same, all Braxton were the same.
He ordered his bridge to enter the Hawys system. Many would think the job too menial for the leader of the armed forces. But the idea of a life of administration and comfort almost scared him. He had always fought and enjoyed doing little else. As the rainforest planet of Hawys came into view, a memory flashed in his mind.
He had been just 14 when he joined the BSN, and was sent off to practice forest combat with the rest of his platoon. They were set the task to find a prisoner somewhere in the wild using only their highly attuned senses. Fortunately after centuries of selective breeding the Braxton had evolved into the perfect fighter. Rippling with muscles, perfect sight, excellent smell, their scaly skin available to blend into the most colourful backgrounds, astonishing speeds and deadly pointed teeth, they were prepared for any foe they encountered.
But the Typok were sneaky.
Much like the common viper, only larger and also able to camouflage itself to the forest background. They had lied in wait for a primitive mammal to cross their path. Unfortunately his comrades had been bickering over which way to go and were about to erupt into a vicious brawl when two of the amphibians shot out of the undergrowth and wrapped themselves around one of them and began squeezing profusely.
Das and his unit attacked the creatures and managed to rip one of the vile predators off but the other had already bitten the poor soul and the poison took immediate effect. His scaly skin turned to a deep blue and he started frothing at the mouth. The slit-like pupils dilated and blood seeped from the deep bite. They managed to slit its throat with their sharp claws but the soldier was already dead. The other Typok launched again this time for Das but was knocked off course by Private Taz’ fist. Before it could rear up the others pounced and ripped its throat out. It was humiliating for a comrade to not die in battle and he was given a small grave deep in the forest.
And now 30 years later Das was the only survivor of that first unit. His rotting friends would be proud he was in control of the largest navy ever seen in the galaxy. Many times he had met with Rex Vons and been awarded countless medals for his unwavering loyalty to the faithful Braxton people. He had returned for a different reason than that first encounter.
As his Caedmon landed in the nearby spaceport a large fanfare erupted as the bumbling bureaucrats came to greet his ship. Das saw them as a waste of genetics but as the Rex had pointed out, someone needed to handle the paperwork and so the weak fools had been permitted to breed. He disembarked his ship with the 4 members of his personal guard. The supposed lead bureaucrat came up to speak but Das ignored him. The fool persisted.
“Ducis, visitors are rare these days.” said Mod
“I am here for just a routine stop. I wish to survey the new recruits.”
“Of course right this way” and Mod gestured towards a small lift on the landing pad. It zoomed down several floors before it reached the under canopy city. Many young recruits were leaving the urban tranquillity but immediately snapped to attention when they saw their leader. Nodding to each in turn, he then walked to a large concrete building and after a scale scan, entered the observation tower. Surrounded by screens transmitted from surveying camera droids, Das searched into the canopy through the huge viewing mirror and attuned his senses. After several minutes Mod spoke.
“If you would like, we could set the screen setting to thermal to ease your …”
“I do not require assistance from you. I’m sure you have some paperwork to do” growled the Ducis. Mod bowed and left the reinforced room. Das pulled out his communicator and transmitted to his waiting flagship.
“Dux Boaz do you copy?”
“Yes Ducis” the brave commander answered.
“Commence scan”
“Starting now”
After several seconds Boaz responded.
“Got him sir”
“Sure it’s him?”
“Certainly Ducis, Jic is here”
“Can you pinpoint his exact location for air bombardment?”
“Sorry sir, but the massive life readings are wavering the signal. I can pinpoint his position to a ten mile radius.”
The fugitive leader of the upstart rebels had been on the run for years, and now he had taken refuge in one of the Braxton’s prized worlds. Damn those snobby pen pushers. They would do anything for a little more money in their lives.
“Release the ground troops. No one is to return until Jic is found. Over and out”
“Over and out”
Rapidly exiting the building Das headed over to the landing pad where he would lead the search. As he rocketed up the levels he found Mod and his assistants still swindling around his ship inspecting it.
“Mod you and your entire council are under arrest for harbouring an enemy of the Braxton Empire”
Before Mod could protest, Das and the descending patrols raised their sidearm and targeted the weak financier.
“As accused by me you are not permitted a trial. Verdict: Guilty. Punishment: Execution.”
“Please have mercy. He threatened us. He has a whole battalion down there. There’s nothing …”
“Silence. You are guilty. Take aim.”
15 soldiers came forward and levelled their metallic betenists. With a single nod from the supreme commander they fired. The 4 bureaucrats were fried by the overwhelming laser fire before they even hit the ground. A few from the firing squad detached and threw their bodies kilometres into the forest for the wildlife to eat.
“Find the rebel. Bring him back to me. Let no one stand in your way.” Screeched Das. Thousands of loyalists marched down the ramp and jumped down to the city. They spread out in an orderly line and began their ruthless search. With a satisfying smirk, the Ducis boarded his ship and went to the bridge to meet with Boaz.
Calmal
  





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30 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 4198
Reviews: 30
Wed Nov 11, 2009 7:18 pm
Stealth_Slicer says...



This was better but I still think more physical description is needed. Also I don’t really understand all this skipping from one character to another each chapter. I think you might be trying to give the back-story of the characters before they all meet or something like that, but at the moment I am confused about the skipping.

Also I really liked the execution, I found it amusing how he wasn’t given any time to explain and was just shot very nice.

All the best.
  





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9 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 2049
Reviews: 9
Wed Nov 11, 2009 7:57 pm
Calmal says...



The reason I use a different character per chapter is I figured I cannot tell the story through one character. So the chapters will be seen through different eyes each chapter.
Calmal
  





User avatar
30 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 4198
Reviews: 30
Thu Nov 12, 2009 9:17 pm
Stealth_Slicer says...



Calmal wrote:The reason I use a different character per chapter is I figured I cannot tell the story through one character. So the chapters will be seen through different eyes each chapter.



I see.
  








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