z

Young Writers Society


Expect the Unexpected- Chapter Ten



User avatar
27 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 390
Reviews: 27
Sat Nov 03, 2007 4:24 am
Chaotic Romance says...



Hey! I actually have nothing to say... so, here's chapter 10:
___________________________

“Do you know why you’re here?” was the first question that he asked. Elizabeth was surprised, she had not expected that kind of question. At the least she had expected a harder one…

She took too long to answer, for it was only a few seconds later that she felt that same prick, except this time it was up closer to her heart and it was closer to breaking the skin this time. It was a silent warning that she was taking too long to answer and she nodded her head, “Yes.” she muttered softly.

“Do you know what I am?” was the next question.

“Yes.” she muttered. She knew very well what he was, a bastard. Though, she wasn't about to answer the question with that, God only knew what he would do if she did.

“And what is that?” he asked, the knife hanging very close to her skin, making her very uncomfortable as well as very nervous.

“A vampire.” She said softly, but she knew he could hear her.

“And what is your father?”

“A human.” And the moment she said it, she regretted the words for she felt the knife make a slow diagonal cut across the lower part of her stomach. Blood immediately came to the surface and began seeping out of the wound. She jumped and winced at the stinging pain it brought. Tears pricked at her eyes, but she refused to let them show, not in front of him. She could handle this, she was strong.

“Wrong answer.” He said darkly, “I’ll ask again, what is your father?”

She looked at him for a second, then glanced at the cut that he had created on her lower abdomen. The blood was slowly seeping out of the wound and forming a small trail down her body, since it was at a slight angle. He seemed unfazed by the fact that she was bleeding. Even though he was a vampire and could care more about the sight of blood, he didn’t and that’s what confused her, if not slightly scared her as well. She looked back at him and then at the knife that he held in his hands. He held it a few inches about her shaking body, bur when she glanced at it, it began to descend closer to her body. She gasped and uttered the words that she never thought to use in the same sentence; she didn’t want to get cut again! The first cut was still slightly stinging.

“He’s a vampire.” She whispered.

“What was that? I didn’t catch that.” He said with a smirk. The look he was sending her made it quite obvious that he had heard her the first time.

She glared at him. Bastard! If she hadn’t been tied up she would have slapped that smirk off his damned face.

“He’s a vampire.” She said a little bit louder and this time she was positive that he had heard her.

“Good, and that makes you…” he trailed off, waiting for her to finish.

She sighed, closing her eyes, not wanting to say it, not wanting to admit it, but she really had no other choice. She did not like the idea of getting cut again. “Half vampire and half witch.” She was still trying to hold the back the tears.

“Right again. Now, here comes the hardest question, where is your family? Your father, in particular. It’s been a couple of days and he has yet to contact us. And yes, he knows we have you.” He answered her unspoken question.

“I told you before,” She started, “I don’t know.” she stated in a rude way.

He stared at her for a few moments and she mentally prepared herself for the pain that would come from the knife because she knew that he didn’t believe her. But he didn’t do what she expected him to do, instead he placed the knife down on a table behind him and sat down in a chair that was just out of the lights range so she hadn’t seen it. He pulled forward until he was close enough so that she could see his face once more.

“You’re not lying today.” He remarked after a few moments of silence.

“I wasn’t lying yesterday.” She said meekly, not really looking at him.

“Like I said before, there was something in your eyes that told me otherwise, but now I see that that was just a flicker of fear. I mistook it for meaning a fear of being caught, not instead for what it truly was, just fear.” he remarked, he stared intently at her for several seconds before swiftly getting up and untying her arms. He left her legs tied though.

"Don't untie your legs quite yet," he said as he turned around and made his way towards the door. Once he was gone, she studied her wound, it was a long diagonal cut beginning on her left side under her breast and ending right above her underwear. It was starting to scab over. She touched it lightly, and winced at the slight sting it brought.

She was still inspecting her wound when she heard a sound in the room that made her jump. It sounded like something had dropped, a very small something, but nonetheless, something had dropped. Which meant that someone was in here with her. She hadn't remembered hearing the door open.

She jerked her head up and found herself looking into blue eyes, and nearly jumped at the close proximity her and David happened to be in. She recovered quickly and glared at him.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

He ignored her question and began grabbing a few things from behind him. Gauze, rubbing alcohol, first aid tape… was he going to bandage her up?

“Don’t get use to this; I’m only doing what Darren told me to do.” he said, she knew that he had read her thoughts, and for some strange reason, she wasn’t even offended by the action.

She smirked, “I thought you didn’t do what he said?”

“Don’t push it. Do you want me to do this or not?” he asked. He sounded quite angry.

She shut up. And watched as he poured some of the rubbing alcohol on a cotton ball and proceeded to dab at her scabbing wound. “Ouch.” She muttered as she winced slightly as the rubbing alcohol stung on her still somewhat open wound. David didn’t react he just continued his attempts at cleaning her wound. She was surprised to see that he was unfazed by her opened wound. All his concentration was focused on bandaging her up properly. And it was just then that she also realized that she happened to be almost completely naked in front of him. All she was wearing was her undergarments, which didn't provide much cover. But, at the same time of this sudden realization, she also realized how she was not even remotely embarrassed at the thought of him just seeing her in almost naked.

Once he was finished, he patted lightly at the bandage he had created to make sure that it would stay. He got up from the chair and began putting the medical supplies up. It was silent the whole time and she thought that he was going to leave her without saying anything more. She watched as he paused on his way to the door. He turned slowly on his heel and looked at her. She could tell that he was trying to make up his mind. He seemed to do so quickly for it was only a few seconds later that he made his way over to her and sat back down in the chair. She watched his actions suspiciously.

“You never told me who Andy was.” In a matter of seconds her face had contorted into one of anger.

“How dare you!” she snarled, pissed at herself for ever once thinking that he actually had some decency and wasn't a compete bastard. Sometimes she even amazed herself at her own stupidity.

“Come on, it can’t be that bad, can it?” he pushed, “What’d he do, cheat on you?” he asked, watching her curiously.

She gasped, “Andy would never do a thing like that!” she snapped, leaning down and untying her feet and getting up off the table and headed to where the door happened to be. Or at least, where she thought the door to be. But she was far off. All she found was wall, and more wall. She groaned, she really wanted out of this room with this cold, heartless bastard before she did something stupid.

Her groan turned into a gasp when she felt herself being shoved completely against the brick wall. She had to move her head to the side, so her nose wouldn't be smashed in the waiting brick in front of her.

She didn’t need to turn around to see who had done it. The perpetrator turned her around to face him and gave her a very playful look. His hands were on her shoulders, making it very hard for her to move.

And quite suddenly, she wasn't quite sure how it happen, but the next thing she knew his body was arched into hers, but she didn’t protest, just stood there and stared at him. Mouth agape, trying to form words, but none would come.

Elizabeth nearly fell over in shock at what he did next. She probably would have if he hadn't been holding onto her shoulders.

He kissed her. Full on the lips. And it was no light kiss either; this was a full blown French kiss. With tongues. David tongue ran along her bottom lip, requesting entrance. She wouldn't allow it and he somehow pried her mouth open. How he did that she didn't know. All she knew was that after that the kiss deepened considerably.

The reasonable side of her was trying to tell her to pull away from him, to get away. To stop. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. He was such a damned good kisser! She was completely immobile, not because of him, but because of her body for it was not going to allow her to break this kiss anytime soon…

He wrapped his arms around her small frame and proceeded to pull her against his tough chest, not even breaking their kiss. But making her gasp in shock and giving him more access to her mouth.

She finally needed some air and pushed him away, he growled softly, but allowed the action, remembering that she was only half-dead and therefore still needed to breathe, unlike him.

She gaped at him as she tried to catch her breathe. Touching her lips, they tingled from the kiss that they had just been a part of not a minute before. There was something in his eyes, that she had never seen before, but before she could decipher what it was it was gone and a second after that he disappeared.

“What the hell was that?” she muttered, still touching her mouth. In totally shock at what had just happened.
_________________________________________________________

David slammed the door shut behind him as he stomped into his room. What the hell did he just do? He did not, could not have kissed her! What the hell was he thinking? What the hell was hedoing?

He laid down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He hadn’t meant to do that, all he wanted to do was scare her, but her lips had looked so kissable in the lighting, or lack of lighting in this case. He just had to do it. And she was a hell of a good kisser. Which was something that he was not expecting, he had thought that she had never kissed before.

But then he remembered that Andy boy, they had to have been boyfriend and girlfriend, he was probably the only one that had ever kissed her. Elizabeth didn’t seem the type that had a lot of boyfriends and hooked up with some random boy she met at a club or whatever. Oh no, it was quite clear to him that she was in fact the type of girl that liked to stay in most of the time, only going out once or twice during a week, but only if her parents allowed it. Thus, proving that she was somewhat of a goody two-shoes, not that he was surprised, he was well aware of that the first time he first saw her.

He closed his eyes and groaned in frustration. She was good looking, he’d give her that… but to kiss her was so wrong on so many different levels. Not only that, but he could think of no logical reason doing such a thing, except for one, but he refused to even acknowledge it.
_________________________________________________________

Elizabeth eyed the clothes that Darren held out to her. Surely, he could not expect her to wear those pieces of clothes? If they could even be called that. He held in his hands a pair of skimpy, tight jeans and a very tight white shirt. She glared, there was no way in hell that she was going to wear those, she would rather stay in her drawers, if it meant not dressing like a slut.

He rolled his eyes after she had blatantly refused to wear such an outfit, “Come on, these are Nicole’s, she’s the only one that's your size.”

She continued to glare at him, offended at what he happened to be holding, “I want my old clothes back.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

He let out a frustrated sigh, “They’re filthy and in a desperate need of a wash and so are you.” He said looking her up and down, and scrunching his nose up in disgust.

“Come with me and I’ll let you bathe, but first you will have to put these on. I will not be wandering around this house with a half naked woman. Besides, I don’t think you want to go wandering around here where a bunch of boys will be able to look at your exposed flesh, now do you?” Giving her a very knowing look.

She sighed, in defeat, “Fine, hand me the clothes.” She put her hand out for them and took them from him and proceeded to put them on. They were very uncomfortable; she wasn’t the type of girl to wear overly tight clothes. So, naturally they didn't feel right.

“I want my bath and then I want my clothes back.” She said darkly crossing her arms over her chest.

“Very well, follow me then” he said as he turned on his heel and opened the door to the room, holding it open for her as she step beside him to exit, pulling on her clothes as she went.
_________________________________

Now, I hope that the kiss wasn't too sudden... if it was, well, it's not suppose to be that way, all confusions will be cleared up later.
"Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault." - Dr. David M. Burns

My website: http://www.freewebs.com/chaoticromance1/index.htm
  





User avatar
378 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1215
Reviews: 378
Tue Nov 06, 2007 5:52 am
sokool15 says...



She knew very well what he was, a bastard.


Lol, that was truly funny.

I'm really sorry, but I don't have time for a full, line to line critique as usual, so I'll just point out some general stuff.

Remember to check your punctuation! Let me add a few more exclamation marks to that. Remember to check your punctuation!!!!!
Very important. If you still have questions about dialogue punctuation contact me, but I think I laid out the rules in a previous post. It's jarring for me to be reading along and then see a capitalized letter and a period when it should be lower case and comma.

Sentence fragments and run-ons. Your chapters have really been improving in this sense, but you should still be careful. You tend to insert commas where there should be a period.

Elizabeth was surprised, she had not expected that kind of question.


After 'surprised' should be a period. This is hard, because there's not a blanket rule to lay down that covers all sentences. Just...I don't know, read it out loud or something. I know it's wrong but you'll have to ask somebody else to help you fix it! :oops: :?

These are just nitpicky grammatical things, though....as far as your plot and excitement, action etc, great job! You're doing a really good job at keeping my interest in the story.

THEY FINALLY KISSED!!! I knew you'd work romance in there eventually...great job! You didn't make it seem unnaturally sudden, because they still hate each other. They're physically attracted to each other, but don't want to go into the emotional side of it yet. Good, good, good.

Um...that's all, I guess.

SEeya!

~MademoiselleYouKnowWho 8)
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein
  





User avatar
82 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 82
Sat Dec 01, 2007 3:38 pm
chayonz says...



yay!
h a y o n :)

nobody is perfect. thats why pencils have erasers.
- unknown
  








Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.
— James R. Cook