Young Writers Society

Great work!!!
This is a great story with an interesting plot. I think it would be a great story if you continue with it.
i am only a new person really so my critiquing inst that great.

i think you need to elaborate more on what happened that night rather than just jumping right ahead.

have a great time writing the rest.

Hi,
Everyone has pretty much picked up on the error's that I found so I am just here to praise you. This story was well written and intriguing right to the end. Though, maybe you should consider putting in their names. Like when the girl is holding the sweater, you could say something like "She ran her finger over the spot where his name was stitched: (Enter name). Just something simple like that.

I really hope you continue with this piece, as it was very enjoyable to read!

If you need anything PM me

Love,
N

I love this...and anybody who knows me will realise I NEVER say that straight away! Everyone has obviously picked up on all the niggling little problems judging by the sheer number of reviews. This is purely to say congratulations on achieving such a fabulous writing style. The enormity of your detail is perfect!

Can't wait to read more!

Wow. This is the first story I've read on here as I just joined.
I really, really liked the vagueness of the piece, it just made it all the more intriguing. I wish you'd divulged a little more about the characters, but, at the same time, I like it better that way. Wow, I just really, really like it.
Can't wait for the next part:)
-Mechi

I actually really like this. It will appeal to many readers emotions. Everyone has felt used at one point in their lives. It will really let readers connect to your character with simple brown eyes. This will eventually blossom into a great story if you continue to write this way with less vagueness.