Death's Blossom -- Prologue

Note: The story may contain content for older readers in the upcoming chapters.

--

“Must you always be so sarcastic?” Andy complained, skipping ahead a few feet before slowing his pace to match mine once more.

“I’m not sarcastic,” I said, kicking a leaf and hearing the noise of cement colliding with rubber. “I’m honest. There is a fine line between sarcasm and honesty.” I finished, flashing him a teasing look.

“I know.” He replied, watching the ground. “You cross it enough.” I snorted at his response, but kept silent otherwise. Andy and I had met each other three years ago when we started high school, and after awhile became friends. His house was closer to school by a couple of blocks, so we normally walked to and from school together until we reached his house and I went on alone. We passed a house with a fence up against the sidewalk, where the horses normally came up to greet people as they walked by.

“We should bring some carrots or something for them sometime.” I suggested to Andy, beckoning at the horses. Andy shrugged before responding to me.

“And where are we going to get the carrots? Carrots don’t exist in my home.” I rolled my eyes at him before continuing the conversation. We spoke for awhile before finally reaching his house, where we said our goodbyes and I walked on. I occasionally kicked the autumn leaves off the sidewalk and into the road, or sometimes kicked a small rock into someone’s driveway. I turned down the street where my house was, and after walking only a few feet, I heard the thrumming of footsteps behind me and turned to see Andy running after me.

“My parents are going to be at work for awhile, you could come to my house and we could play some video games or something while they can’t be bothered by it?” He suggested.

--

That day had been so casual. So normal. But I never made it back home. I had stayed at Andy’s house until about an hour before his parents got home with his threat hanging over my head; but after what happened there, I couldn’t just go back home, could I? I could have lived my life almost unchanged if I had gone home, but nothing would ever be the same again.

Hello! Layla here!
First off, I love your theme.
Secondly, this is awesome! There's no grammar corrections necessary. But the ending part was a little confusing when he asks her to go an play video games. Read it out loud to yourself.
How is this romantic fiction? Does it become more obvious in the rest?
PM me when you do the next part please!!
<3:
Layla!

Hey, Layla!

Yeah, my sister pointed out that line to me. And yes, it'll be more obvious later!

Thanks.

Oh this sounds good! I can't wait for your first chapter to come out. I just noticed one thing:

I said, kicking a leaf and hearing the noise of cement colliding with rubber.

For some reason the word "hearing" just doesn't sound right when you are using imagery in this context. I would have worded it like this:

I said, kicking a leaf as the noise of cement colliding with rubber penetrated my ears

Something like that.

Ok the only two things I noticed is that around the center of your story you statred saying "before" alot. Maybe it wasn't that much, but it was starting to get kindo of annyoing when you had around three setences in a row with that word in there. Try to mix up your variety of sentece structers.

My parents are going to be at work for awhile, you could come to my house and we could play some video games or something while they can’t be bothered by it?

You have two connected ideas so you need a coma before your and. It was probably just a typo, but that was the only grammer problem I found.

Other than that your story was really good =] ! I liked the ending. It was interesting enough to make me wonder what happens next, but didn't give enough hints to REALLY make you want to read on. I'm anxiouse to see the first chapter. PM me when you post it =]

Keep writting,

Alyson =]

Hey Fire! This is a great beginning I think, there's not much I really can point out, it's pretty sound. I love the way they're teasing each other in the beginning, I think that's a great opening, and it made me want to read more. Can't wait to see the next part .

Arris! I saw this was yours and just had to read it.

This was a good read. It was a bit confusing. How you left us with nothing, it can be intriguing, but, one line jumped out and hit me in the face. I was so confused.

But I never made it back home.

Do you see how with this line you are suddenly jumping to the future? I would suggest deleting it to:
1. refrain from revealing too much about the future
2. make the story less confusing.

I really like it! I'm excited to read more. Please PM me with the next part, I will forget if you don't.

Classy