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The Animal I've Become: Chapter One!



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Wed Mar 05, 2008 8:42 pm
day tripper says...



Prolouge.

Tarah ran as fast as her two legs could take her.
Her mind was racing.
Dodging swinging branches.
Jumping broken twiggs.
She just needed to keep going.
There was no stoping now.

'Go On Tarah, turn around, face him.'

The agonizing voice shrilled in Tarah's head.
"NO!" Tarah huffed, her emotions pouring.

'It will all be ok, we promise...'

"Shut up!" Tarah shreiked, jumping over a ditch.
She was almost out of breath.

'Aw, poor baby, are you scared?'

"GET OUT!" Tarah smashed her hands against her head.

'Just let them reach you..'

"ARGH!" Tarah screamed.
Tarah dodged a few more branches and bushes, until she saw a bridge.

'A Bridge?!'
"A Bridge?!" Both, Tarah's thoughts and her shreiked.
But before she could answer her own questions, Tarah was already falling face first.
She tripped over a rock that was infront of the bridge.
She landed hard on the old wood.

'That's right, just lay there, they'll be here soon..'
"No! I have to get UP!" Tarah pushed herself up,
but before she reached anywhere, she was grabbed by a cold, clammy hand.
"Well, you finally decided to stop..." The smooth air filling voice whispered.
"No! Get away from me!" Tarah struggled, but she was too distracted by those
gleeming green eyes. They had a yellow trim to them. It was just so mysterious.

Then, the pain, it came back. Racing up her spine and hitting her head.
"AHH!" Tarah yelled, falling limp to the ground.
She blinked aimlessly.. the body huvering over her, then everything went black....


Chapter 1.

Tarah tapped her fingers along the aluminated wood of the bar.
"Here's your water." The bartender said, making Tarah jump in her seat.
"Thanks." She mumbled and took a long, refreshing gulp of the ice cold water.
It was hot and clamy in the pub and tonight, Tarah just didn't feel like dancing. She arose from the bar,
and rounded her way through the people.
"You ok?" Tarah heard a familiar voice call out. It was J.C. A girl she attended the same school with.
J.C. and her were good friends, and usually were at the pub together. Only, Tarah worked there.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just going home." Tarah responded.
"Later." J.C. said.
"Bye"

Tarah returned home to her 'cozy' 1 bedroom apartment. Her black cat, Mimi came running to her, meowing.
Tarah bent down to pet the little thing, but then stopped when she noticed her other cat didn't come.
"Mimi, where's little Kiki Kaniball?" Tarah searched her appartment for the little kitten. The cat was named
after the celebrity, Kiki Kaniball, for its unusuall stripped and polka dotted fur, which looked like a replica of
Kiki Kaniball's hair.
"Ch Ch Ch, come here kitty." Tarah snapped her fingers.
Then a sound of a little bat bell came ringing through her ears, and on the window sill of the fire escape was
the cat.
"There you are!" Tarah exclaimed, grabbing the kittin off the window cill, and then closing the window.
"I guess Im not leaving that open anymore..." Tarah told herself.
Tarah placed Kiki down and then walked into the kitchen to fix herself a sandwhich.
She was starving, all she had at the pub was a water, which she only had 1 gulp out of.
But, before Tarah could at least even open the refrigerator, the pain came back.
"Agh!" Tarah skreeched, clenching her stomach as she fell to the floor. The pain was worse then any other
one she has ever recieved.
'It's ok, Tarah. Just indoor the pain' Came the voice.
"No, get out!" Tarah yelped. Tarah was only 18, a graduate for 1 week so far. Ever since her graduation,
she has been recieving sharp pains. Mainly in her mouth, stomach, spine, & neck. Tarah stood up, holding the wall for support.
She dragged her body to her room. Kiki glarred at her, then started hissing, Mimi fallowing suit. The pain passed, as did Kiki & Mimi's
hissing. Tarah had to admit, she was a little freaked. Nothing like that has ever happend to her.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Daminic Drakul sat in the red leather chair, staring at the charcol colored wall.
"Daminic! We need her soon, the revolu-"
"You will say no such things aloud!" Stefon, Daminics father, hissed at
Masco.
"Father, I can not be rushed! Im not even comfortable with this!" Daminic protested.
"Well, its not like we have a choice. She's a decendant." His father excused.
"More like a sacrafise..." Daminic mumbled under his breath.
But he could never underestimate his father, for whom heared what his son had just sneered,
and hissed at him, showing off his pearly daggers.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tarah awoke at 7:35 AM to the aganizing pain.... this time in her mouth. She walked over to grab a jacket off her bed post.
She was uncontrolably freezing. She turned to the thermostat... perfect room tempature.
"whattt the?" Tarah mumbled into a singing tone. She decided that the only other way she could
get warmer, was a shower.
As Tarah dropped her towel, and placed one leg into the boiling hot shower, she snatched it back.
She hissed at the water.
"Did I just hiss?" Tarah asked herself.
The water was colder, but how could it be, it was steaming!
Tarah grabbed her shiny black hair and placed it into a nice bun.
She grabbed her towell and walked out of the bathroom.
Her only next option was the doctors. Great...

Tarah pushed the glass door open weakly.
She hurt all day.
Especially with her teeth.
She walked up to the secretary desk, but was stopped.
"Appointment?" The secretary asked.
"Um, no, I was jus-"
"I'm afraid all people who are here with out reservation must be seated until we call you up." She rudly stated.
"Sure..." Tarah responded, then turned on her heal and walked to the sign that said WAITING ROOM.
She sat down on one of the plush chairs and crossed her legs.
Usually, she would have read a magazine or something, but for right now, she was hurting too much to do so.
After about 10 or 15 minutes, Tarah heard the Secretary call her name, but pernounced it wrong.
She pernounced it Tara as in 'tarp' but with a 'a' instead of a 'p'. And her last name, Napire, pernounced
Na-peer, was said Na'pire, pernounced Na-pire instead of Na-peer.
"You mean Tarah Napire?" Tarah corrected.
"Mhmm, sure, Dr. Squalick will see you now." The secretary mumbled.
Tarah uncrossed her legs and walked passed the desk, into a small compressed room.
"Agh Ms. Na...pire, is it?" Dr. Squalick asked.
"Yes! You actually pernounced it right!" Smiled Tarah.
"I once had a patient with the same last name, only a V instead of an N, and everyone called him
Nickoles the Vampire." The Dr. smiled. "Now, what may I ask is wrong, my dear?"
"Well, I've been having these sharp pains mainly in my mouth, stomach, spine, and neck. But lately,
I've been recieving cold shocks when its room tempature in the room." Tarah explained.
"Well, lets take a look here... I just want to take an exray." The Dr. told Tarah, and gave her a heavy jacket to put on.
Tarah was layed down on a table and soon a black and white machine was huvering over her.
"On the count of three, just relax." Dr. Squalick commanded. "1...2.....3!"
Tarah relaxed all her muscles on 3 and she heard loud booms.
"Ok, there we go!" Dr. Squalick exclaimed as the machine returned to normal position.
Tarah sat up and rubbed her head.
"That's it?" She asked.
"Well, you'll have to come back in a week to tell you the news, here, lets make an appointment, then we'll take a look at that mouth." Dr. Squalick told Tarah.
"Ok." Tarah responded and then jumped off the table.
"How about 7:30 in the morning?" Was he crazy?! Tarah thought.
"Um, Im never getting up around then... sorry." Tarah confessed.
"Then how about 9 AM?" He asked.
"That's fine." She responded.
"Ok, now sit down, I just want to check out your teeth and then your free to go." He chirped.
Tarah sat patiently in the chair, leaned her head back, squinted her eyes, and then opended her mouth wide.
"Ok, let's see here...... oh my god." He exclamed.
"What?" Tarah asked, which came out "aut".
"Um, here, let me right you a letter, and I want you to go to this adress to see this dentist." Dr. Squalick told.
"Um, ok?" Tarah said, closing her mouth.
Dr. Squalick scribelled something down on the paper, and handed it to Tarah.
Tarah walked out of the room and walked up to the secretary and handed her the appointment card.
"Oh, so there is something actually wrong." She rudly stated.
"Mhmm." Tarah said, not paying attention to what the secretary told her.
Tarah accepted the appointment slip, then walked out.
She reached her car, and then she starting gasping.
She was suddonly cold.
Very cold.
Her mouth felt as if it was being ripped apart.
Her stomach was turning.
She was changing.
She opened the door quickly and climbed in.
Tarah emedietly turned the heat on, but things only got colder.
"AGGHHHHH!" She screamed and clamped her head in her fists.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!" She yelled.
Then the pain went away, and the heat washed over.
She slowly released her hands and grasped the stearing wheel.
"Strange..." She said aloud.
'Just a phase, baby.' Her thoughts teased her.
Tarah groanded..
"Great, you again." She said looking in the rearview mirror at herself.

Tarah returned back to her appartment, and then remembered the note the doctor gave her.
She sat down on the couch and read the note aloud.
"Tarah, please go to this Dentist and ask for Dr. Maylos.
133 Harvest Plaza
"Dr. Maylos, Krenchin, & Lou. Dentistry."

"Ok?" She asked.
Tarah thought that she would go in about an hour, she needed to rest..
She got up and went into the kitchen to look for Mimi and Kiki.
"Ch Ch Ch, come here kitties." She called.
She hear their bells, but couldn't see them.
"Kitties!" She called again. "Ugh, what ever." She gave up after the sound of their bells faded away.
She walked over to their food bowls and noticed that everything was untouched from yesterday.
Tarah grabbed her keys, and went to the nearest Starbucks.

As Tarah opended the doors, the swift smell of coffee beans swipped through her mind, calming all her senses.
She walked up to the line.
She was next.
Tarah looked at the menu.
"Yes, what would you like?" The cashier asked.
"A tall Mocha Latte please." Tarah decided.
"Ok, thank you." The cashier accepted the money and gave the reciept to the coffee maker.
Tarah turned to the seats.
She found a nice section she would sit at once she got her coffee.
"Ugh.. a Tall Mocha Latte?" She heard the coffee maker call out.
"That's Mine."
"That's Mine."
Tarah heard another voice call out.
He had dark hair, and mysterious eyes.
"Oh, sorry." She appolagized and backed off.
"Don't worry about it, you have it. I'll have the next thing. That's what I get for ordering the same thing, I guess." He chuckled.
"Thanks.." Tarah smiled, and grabbed the coffee.
She walked over to the section with all the arts and books.
She set her coffee down and placed her purse on the couch.
She walked over to the sketch pads and picked out a nice pad and some pencils, and walked over to buy it.
When she returned, the same boy appeared. She looked at her watch and decided to go to the dentists.
Before the boy could say anything she was already again.

Tarah arrived at the Dentist sooner than she expected.
It was literaly right down the street.
She walked in and the 7th grade smell came back to her.
Yes, when Tarah was little, she had braces.
"May I help you?" The sweet secretary asked.
She was Much nicer then the one from the Doctor's office.
"Oh, yes, here." Tarah gave the secretary a folded slip piece of paper.
The secretary read the note and smiled, nodded, and picked up the phone.
A few seconds later, a Dentis came running in.
"Dr. Maylos, Tarah.. Napire? Is here to see you." The secretary said.
"Ah, yes, I recieved a call from Dr.Squalick." Dr. Maylos said.
"Oh, ok." Tarah scratched her head.
"So, let me take a look at those teeth." Dr. Maylos directed Tarah to the chair, and sat her down. "Just open your mouth for me."
Tarah did as she was told.
The bright light was shining down on her fragil face.
Tarah was very pale, and had dark raven black hair.
She didn't intend on getting tan, she didn't see the need to.
"Oh my goodness, oh my goodness." The doctor started paseing around the room.
Nicole sat upright, and stared at him.
"Um.. something... wrong?!" She asked.
He stopped paseing and sat down in his chair.
"Overgrown plaque, that has to be it." He said as if she knew what he was talking about. "It has to be." She heard him breathe out quietly.
"Excuse me?" Tarah heard the word 'plaque' and almost flipped.
She always took care of her teeth.
She was very hygenic.
"There is a time where your two "vampire" teeth are filled with plaque. And as this process happens, your teeth now grow in as the form the plaque
is placed in. And they end up with the shape of.. daggers, as in, you look like a vampire." He said.
"Your insane." Tarah said as she got up, ripped off the paper that was clipped around her neck, and started to walk out.
"Please, it's the ONLY explanation." Dr. Maylos started.
"I've had enough explanations for today." She said and turned and walked out.

Tarah's life in New York was simple.
She'd wakeup, feed her cats, go to work, hang with friends, come home, eat, go to a club or something like shopping, and then come home and
watch Conan at 12.
But lately it's sleep, sleep, work, sleep, sleep, rest, eat, sleep some more, and Conan at 12.
Today, it was early Wednesday morning, and Tarah was in bed.
It's official, she has pointed out teeth, and everytime she goes to the dentist to get them "shaved down" they grow back the next morning.
Tarah felt like complete ass.
Suddenly, Kiki jumped on her bed.
"Kiki... what's wrong with me?" She asked petting the fuzzy kitten.
Then the familiar song of Missery Bussiness came on as Tarah finally decided to close her eyes.
She starred at the cell phone on the nightstand, almost tempted to smash it, but decided against that idea.
"Hello?" She asked weakly after pressing Talk on her phone.
"Sweety, it's your mother, I haven't heard anything from you after your senior week. How was it?" Came Mrs. Napire's highpitched voice.
"It was great mom." Tarah said.
"That's wonderfull. Are you doing anything today? I wanted to know if you wouldn't mind driving down to West Virginia to come see us!" Her mother said.
"No, mom, not today, I'm not feeling so good. I'm just resting." Tarah answered.
"Butterfingers." Tarah heard her mother muder.
She started smiling, that was Mrs.Napire, always interested in other peoples lives, wanting to do something else than pay attention to her own.
"Mom, I'm going to sleep, I love you." She smiled.
"Ok, well, honey please call me as soon as you get better! Bye!"
And with that the line disconected.
Tarah turned her attention to the clock on the wall.
"11:30 my ass." She said and turned to try to go to sleep.
But she couldn't! Interesting images came to her mind everytime she closed her eyes.
Some of a male with dark hair and gleamy eyes.
The one that chased her in Senior week.
Tarah shot her head up.
She flipped the covers over and swung her legs out.
Her feet hit like daggers onto the crisp, cold, wooden floor.
She got up and walked to her dresser.
She got dressed quickly and was out the door.

It was late, Tarah had been out all day. The hot sun slowly setting, and the cool moon rising to it's fullest.
Tarah hooked a cab to the nearest bar.
She needed to find an old friend to help her out.
And his name would be
Mack Castelo.
"Chaque, where's Mack?" Tarah breathed as she reached the bar.
Chaque turned his head tordward the back door leading to his office.
"Thanks." Tarah thanked then ran off, through the back door, and almost saw him;Mack when she ran into a man...
"Oh Gosh, excuse me!" She said.
Tarah watched as the... boy... pulled himself up and brushed himself off.
"Whatever. Im still walking." He said.
Tarah wasn't taken back by this remark, nor bothered by it.
"Oh, ok.." She said, brushing her raven black hair out of her green eyes.
"Excuse me." He said as he pushed her aside and walked out.
Tarah's head fallowed the boys figure out the bar.
His dark hair and mystical eyes had an effect on her, along with his glowing pale skin,
and soft spoken voice that sounded like a symphony conducted by Motzart.
"Tarah?" Macks voice interupted.
"Oh, yeah, Mack, I needed to talk to you." Tarah said as Mack indicated her to sit down.
"And?" Mack said indicating that there was something else.
"And.....??" Tarah asked, obviously not knowing what he ment.
"Tarah, we've been best friends since 6th grade, I haven't seen you since graduation, and then
all of the sudden you bump into a guy at my brothers bar and you act like you just saw an angel.
Is there something I should know?" He explained.
"Back.to.the.point." Tarah spaced out her words in a sturn voice.
Mack just chuckled and leaned back in his chair and waited for Tarah to speak, his radiant brown eyes
glowing with the candle's reflection twinkling in them. His brown hair, dark and bushy, fallen infront of his eyes.
It's amazing to know he was adopted by a french family.
"Ok, so lately, I've been recieving sharp pains all throughout my body, like, my mouth, stomach, spine, and neck. I went
to the doctors and he said that I was perfectly healthy! But when he looked at my teeth? He nearly flipped a nut!! So he
sent me to this wacko dentist's office where this dentist checked out my teeth. And HE said that there was this thing where plaque
builds up around my 'vampire' teeth and consult the shapes of daggers, and then they permitnatly stay that way! It was un-
believable, so THEN I payed 650 to get them shaved down, but the next morning, THEY WERE BACK! Mack, I don't know what's
wrong with me! Im so scared!" Tarah exaled after the long explanation.
Mack blinked a few times.
"And you needed me why?" Mack finally spoke.
"MACK CASTELO!" Tarah yelled, her green eyes turning, 'brows burrowed.
"Alright, well, it seems that your.. involved in some transformation to me." Mack said.
"What the fuck? Transformation?" Tarah repeated. She didn't know if she was hearing
things right.
Mack opened his mouth but before anything came out, there was a knock on the door.
"Excuse me, Yeah?" Mack told Tarah, then called out to the door, sitting straight up.
It was Chaque.
"Macky, time to close it down, Tarah's gatta go." He said, motioning for Tarah to get up.
Tarah started to rise, but a warm, delecate hand clenched her wrist.
She wipped her head around to face Mack, their heads inches apart.
"Just come back soon, it was nice seeing you." Mack said, giving Tarah
a peck on the cheek, then letting her wrist go.
Tarah placed the wrist that Mack grabbed in her other hand and smiled.
She turned and brushed past Chaque and walked outside.


.:Downtown Selene:.

Dominic sat on the cold allyway of his home town, Selene.
Drake Orleander, Dominic's best friend, joined him.
"When's she coming?" Dominic asked, still looking down to where the allway starts.
"Right now." Drake smiled.
And right on que, you could already hear the screeching brakes
as Andrea, Dominic's sister, drifted the turn, and into the allyway.
Her pave-black mercedes nearly hit Drake.
"You have to be one of the few chicks in Selene to drive a car." Drake laughed.
"Well, why else would they have roads? I mean come on, street racing is amazing!" Andrea
confesed, sitting on the hood of her car.
She looked over to find her older brother, Dominic, sitting on the curb.
She motioned her head tords him, and Drake shrugged.
"Im fine, Andrea, stop asking." Dominic yelled, resting his head
between his hands.
"I hate it when he does that." Andrea scoffed. "Well, I guess since there isn't any news here,
Im off to meet Felix Ambrogio." Andrea turned to Drake.
Drake nodded.
But Dominic stiffend at the name.
Before Dominic could protest, the mercedes pulled out of the allyway and sped off.
"Out of all the chicks in this town, your sister had to be the one I want, I mean seriously,
for one, she drives, two, she's hot, three-"
"Shut up, Drake!" Dominic snapped, getting up and pushed past his friend.
"Well, I can't help it, I just th-"
"I said shut up! Listen!" Dominic hissed, and closed his eyes.
His senses picked up a quiet conversation about a mile or 2 away.

"Felix!" Came the angelic voice of Dominic's sister, Andrea.
"Hello, Andrea. How has your evening been?" Felix slurred his speech.
"Something is wrong with my brother, other then that, just been driving." Andrea perked.
"Wonderful, so sorry to hear about Dominic." Felix hissed out like a snake.
Dominic sneered at his words, only Felix would be one to lie to a Drakul.
"You know Dominic?" Andrea questioned.
"Mhmm, oh yes, we're old time buddies." Felix smiled a mechivious one.


.:New York:.

Tarah awoke with a splitting headache.
Another day has rushed by, and her pains were getting no where.
Everyday, it was the same thing, her pains coming back, her talking
to that damn voice in her head, and never any answers.
Kiki suddenly jumped up on the bed.
"Kiki, what do I do?" Tarah pouted, petting the purring ball of fur.
Kiki walked to the corner of the bed and curled into a ball to sleep.
"Already tried that.. Advil, you're my best friend for the day." Tarah told herself as
she pushed over the puffy covers and sprang out of bed.

'Good morning, little one' The voice came back.
"Bye Bye annoyance." Tarah said as she grabbed the Advil pill.
Tarah chuckled. She felt like the Corpse Bride with the worm in her head.

There was a loud knock on Tarah's appartment door.
Tarah yelped and jumped a little at the sudden noise.
As she placed the Advil bottle down,
she walked to the door.
She looked through the peep whole-
"MACK!" Tarah yelled, unlocking the door.
"Hey, Tarah!" Mack hugged his friend.
"What's wrong?" Tarah asked, letting go of his broad shoulders.
"Remember when you came to me, talking to me about your problems?" Mack asked, closing
the door behind him.
Tarah looked up at her friend with burrowed eyebrows.
"Yeah... what about it?" She asked.
"Well, I talked to Chaque about it." Mack sighed, grasping Tarah's tiny, pale wrists, leading her
to the couch of her living room.
"...And?" Tarah's fierce green eyes glimered in the light.
"He agrees. Tarah, you're becoming something you don't know. You're doing things that
you dont agree with, you're feeling things that you dont want to feel." Mack explained.
"How.. how did you-"
"Your doctor. My father checked into at his office. He saw that you had an appointment there,
and he asked what was wrong." Mack explained, taking hold Tarah's arms.
Tarah looked down, huddling to herself.
"I'm scared, Mack." She cracked out the sentance.
Mack took one of his fingers and placed it under Tarah's chin.
"Listen to me, I am your best friend, you need to trust me. Everything will be fine," He said. "Plus,
Im always here if you need me." He smiled, moving the fallen crimson black hair out of Tarah's eyes.
Tarah didn't know what to say, but her actions spoke for herself.
She grasped Mack and held him close.
Him and J.C. were her only good friends in the big city.


.:Downtown Selene:.

Dominic past the other hungry blood suckers as he walked to his home.
This town was his home, but he hated it here.
He'd rather be in the busy, alive, city of New York.
His family, though, loved it here.
They felt at peace.
Dominic snickered.
Peace, in Selene?
The Natherise were practically at war, and they call it peace?!
Dominic crossed the street, where all cars stopped, just
so he could pass by.
Dominic thought that instead of cars, they should just teleport everywhere,
but those damn for saken street racers prefered it.
Like Andrea.
Dominic and his family were the only ones at Peace here in this town.
Country, actually. Selene was half of the vamperic world here. The other
half belonged to the Centrics, called Cascade.
The Drakuls, Ambrogios, and d'Sandrisiols were the only families at peace,
for they are the royal families.
The Drakuls were pure Natherise.
The d'Sandrisiols were pure Centrics.
And the Ambrogios were half and half.
Felix was on the Nathrise half of the family line, but he sure as hell could pass
as a Centric.
Dominic popped his collar of his jacket up around his neck and plunged his hands
into his pocket as he crossed the street.
All the Nathrise vampires moved out of his way so he could pass.
Dominic hated being royalty. He wished he could be like the other vampires of
Selene, and not be treated like some sort of god.

Dominic made it home, to his family's estate, and walked up the stairs of the porch.
He pushed the door open and made his way inside.
"Dominic! That you?" Came Dominic's mother, Afina's, voice.
"Hello mother." Dominic greeted, unbuttoning his coat.
"Your father would like to have a word with you, do be patient with him, dear, he's had quite a long day." Afina
finished and paced out of the room.
Dominic stopped midway of his coat, and continued into the study.
"Father, you wanted a word with me?" Dominic asked, closing the door behind him.
"Ah, yes, Dominic, please do sit down." He smiled, indicating the chair infront of his desk.
Dominic took the seat, and waited for his father to speak.
Stefan set down his papers that he was going over and starred Dominic straight in the eye.
"I have a, what would you call it.., task, I have a task for you." He smiled.
"Yes?"
"Tarah Napire."
"What about her?" Dominic scoffed at the name.
"It's time. You must go back imediatly."
Dominics jaw dropped, and he couldn't understand.
"What about Drake? Have you talked to him?" Dominic asked.
"He's all ready. Tomarrow, you two depart for New York, and you
take her to the house. Go pack your things."
"Yes, father." Dominic said dryly, jaw tightend.
And that was the end of their conversation.


.:New York:.

Tarah arrived home around 8:30. She'd been out all day with Mack and J.C.
After the talk with Mack, that's all she wanted to do, was to be around him.
She dropped her bags, and carried into the bathroom.
After a nice shower, she would go get ice cream and sit on the couch & watch T.V. until
Connan came on.
Or so she thought.

Drake walked New Yorks streets unwillingly.
He didn't want to, but he knew he had to.
His phone suddenly went off, and when he saw the caller,
he moved into the dark allyway.
"Dominic, Im almost there." Drake said quietly, making sure no one was around
to hear their conversation.
"Good, now remember, just small talk, teleport, but dont make her pass out!" Dominic hissed,
and then hung up the phone.
Drake found himself pacing tords Tarah's appartment.

Tarah found her self sitting on her couch of her living room,
bundled up in a warm cotten blanket, eating
"Death By Chocolatte" ice cream, watching Connan O'Brien.
Tarah adored Connan, and his show.
He always made her night better, she could never not laugh
at what he says.
There was a loud bang on Tarah's door, which made her yelp in surprise.
Tarah placed the ice cream carton on the coffee table, then glidded to the
door.
When she peered through the peep whole, no one was there.
She unlocked the door and opened it, and looked out into the hallway.
No One.
Tarah silently closed the door, and eased her way around.
"AGH!" Tarah screamed, jumping back at least 3 ft from where she stood,
as there was a guy in her appartment.
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!" She screamed, more scared then angry.
The guy just chuckled, shaking his head as he smirked.
"Does it matter? Would you rather want to know who I am? Or what I'm here for?" He spoke.
Tarah couldn't help but want to hear more of his voice.
It was so ... mezmorizing.
"Tarah, is it?" The voice called out. Tarah could see golden, bronze eyes looking at her, lurking
in the darkness.
"What." Tarah spat.
"I've come to take you away from this cruel world." Drake smiled,
emerging from the darkness.
"Excuse me?" Tarah asked, not quite understanding.
"Well, I mean, living in a building with over 50 delicious humans is no place for a... Ravenous Vampire, like yourself." Drake elaberated
the words Ravenous Vampire as he talked in her ear.
Before Tarah could respond, a whirlwind tornado formed around them, and within the tornado, different sceneries flashed before
Tarah's eyes. They kept going around and around. It was making Tarah woozy, uncomfortable.
Then it stopped, and her and Drake were on a doorstep of some cottage.
Drake nocked 3 times.
The door opened.
"Welcome, Tarah Napire, we've been expecting you." A dark figure spoke.


Tarah looked up from the fire.
She hasn't spoken a word since she arrived to the cottage.
She nodded her head a few times, that really doesn't count though.
Drake was smiling back down apon her, his eyes gleaming, no emotion shone.
His smile didn't reach them.
As if it was fake.
There was a tap on Tarah's shoulder, and she turned.
"Here, drink this, you must be freezing." A peteet girl offered, handing her a warm cup of tea.
As much as Tarah wanted to smile at the little girl, or say thank you, she couldn't.
She was much too upset for being taken from her home.
"Drake, Andrea, please leave. I need to talk to Tarah." Came a soothing, familiar, voice.
Tarah didn't turn, or move any part of her body for that manner. She didn't even sip the warm tea.
Just starring into the fire.
"Tarah, you will have to talk eventually." The voice spoke.
Tarah knew that voice.
'The bar... senior week... SENIOR W-'
"-eek, yes, that was me." The voice interupted her thoughts as if he read her mind.
"How did you know that, wait..that was.. YOU?!" Tarah skreeched.
"And the Mute Speaks!" Chimed the voice.
Tarah crossed her arms and leaned back into the arm chair.
"Who ARE you?" She spat, starring into the twinding flames, as if it was a war,
fighting.
"The name would be Dominic Drakul, any more?" He asked, though he snickered,
he knew there were tons more.
"No, that's all." Tarah said, still starring into the war of flames.
"Thats... all? No, you and I both know there's plenty more, but it seems as if the great legand is trying to out smart the great royalty." Dominic stood up
and leaned against the mantel of the fireplace.
Tarah's eyes shot up and burned wholes into Dominic forhead.
"Great.. Legend?" Tarah choked out.
"Correct. Im glad to see we are making conversation." Dominic slurred.
Tarah pouted.
"Alright, here's the truth. I know you want to ask more questions, but it's late, and I must return to my family." Dominic starred
Tarah straight in the eyes.
Tarah starred back into the fire. "So, you're not staying here... but I am?" She wanted it to sound like she wanted him to leave,
but it came out quite the opposite.
"Mhmm, and you my dear, are still evolving, so you need some sleep." Dominic leaned off the mantel and made his way to the
door.
Tarah wanted to scream. She was scared, angry, and tired.
That wasn't the greatest combination.
"So, we all set to show you you're room?" Drake motioned for her to come out of the sitting room and up the stares.
Tarah got up and sneered at him, pushing him as she walked passed, and up the stairs.
"Who are you? I want to go home! People will be looking for me-"
"Nawh, calm down. The people who knew you are now believing that you moved. They wont expect a thing." Drake smiled as
he lead her down a dark hallway of the old home.
"Excuse me? Correction, WHAT are you?" Tarah asked as they approached a door.
"We, Tarah, you and I, are vampires. Along with everyone else in this house." Drake opened her door, and then disapeared down the
hall.
Last edited by day tripper on Fri Mar 07, 2008 3:30 am, edited 2 times in total.
  





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Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:02 am
Lucky_Author says...



That was really good. Very interesting. There were a few spelling mistakes and such but other than that, it was really good. I wondered what was going to happen next throughout the whole story and it's really drawn me in.

Can't wait to see more of your work...

Keep on writing:

**L_A
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Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:47 am
Fall_Into_The_Sky says...



Very interesting.
Waiting for more!
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Sat Mar 22, 2008 4:59 pm
Izzyeyore says...



..Continue? *hopeful smile*
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Sat Mar 22, 2008 5:24 pm
Kadie says...



Ok, i didn't read it all. The short sentences and lack of description kinda put me off.

Also, there were quite a few spelling mistakes. You spelled 'Prologue' wrong, and in the first paragraph you spelled 'twigs and 'stopping' wrong.

For all i know they could just be typos or something, but any decent word processor would be able to pick those out for you. You should try Open Office, it's free and you can get it by just searching it in google.

The voice in her head is interesting and her reactions to it are very intriguing. I'll probably come back and read the rest later :)

***Also, i'm not a moderator or anything, but as much as the writer might like to hear that you like her story, or that she should continue, it's not very helpful now is it?

A review is supposed to point out both good and bad aspects so that the writer can improve upon their work. That's what this whole reviewing system is for.
  





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Tue Apr 01, 2008 1:16 am
inkling says...



Really good! But, what's with all the typos?? It makes it really hard to read.
but on the bright side, captivating and entertaning, but not as good as the one with carly in it (what's the name.. )
Good job!

~Inkling
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Tue Apr 01, 2008 2:08 am
myfreindsavamp says...



I do agree with L_A but I also have to say that for the first chapter that was long....well I have to go I have map testing tommarrow bye>.<
-em
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To beautify him only lacks a cover.”
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Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:38 am
idle muse says...



I liked it, but is quite difficult to read. I think it would be better in traditional spaced paragraphs. Oh, and you used shrieked twice in the prologue, and spelt it shreiked. i recommend removing at least one of them, as it's noticeable. But nice job!
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Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:17 am
deavarna_satina says...



It has potential. The story line was good, and it's left me eagerly awaiting the next installment. My only suggestions are use more description and proof read it a few times before posting it. I could make out what you meant, but lots of spelling mistakes do put people off.
Other than that I say 'more please?'
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Thu Apr 03, 2008 9:05 pm
KJ says...



Hey. I would add much more spacing to this to make it easier to read, and maybe shortening the length would also help. It's so long, and I haven't the heart to read it all now. :(
  





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Tue May 13, 2008 9:05 am
budding writer says...



It has potential. The story line was good, and it's left me eagerly awaiting the next installment. My only suggestions are use more description and proof read it a few times before posting it. I could make out what you meant, but lots of spelling mistakes do put people off.
Other than that I say 'more please?'


exactly what i would say. looking forward to more :D
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Tue May 13, 2008 11:09 pm
Jesse says...



K im gonna start reading and just review as i go along.

"NO!" Tarah huffed, her emotions pouring.
I didnt like the word pouring here

"No! Get away from me!" Tarah struggled, but she was too distracted by those
gleeming green eyes. They had a yellow trim to them. It was just so mysterious.
I would changed the words around describing the eyes, it was a bit choppy.

""You ok?" Tarah heard a familiar voice call out. It was J.C. A girl she attended the same school with.
J.C. and her were good friends, and usually were at the pub together."
I didnt go for the introduction. Maybe try "It was J.C, a good friend of Tarah's, they both went to the same school [insert for how long].

But, before Tarah could at least even open the refrigerator, the pain came back.
Get rid of a few words in the middle "at least even"

"The pain was worse then any other
one she has ever recieved."
I didnt like the way this sounded. Try some other words to describe the unbearable pain

In the second part of chapter one i would give readers a vision of where the conversation is taking place.

Same with at the office. Id like to see whats going on while she waits to see the doctor.

You wrote "Ok, let's see here...... oh my god." He exclamed."
I would write "Ok, lets see here," the doctor started as he bent over, carefully inspecting her teeth, "Oh my god!"

Also when she is leaving the doctor it just says she walks out. He didnt tell her to or explain anything. I couldnt tell how he was feeling either.

When she is in the coffee office I couldnt tell what kind of person it was that wanted her coffee. And then at the end of that paragraph "Before the boy could say anything she was already again." made no sense to me.

Okay, i cant help but just focus on reading the rest now. No more reviewing, its to dam interesting haha.

I like how i gradually learned more about Tarah throughout the story rather than telling it in big clumps.

Im no expert so maybe im wrong about some of the corrections i made. Wow that was great. I really liked it!. PM me when you've added more.
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Wed May 14, 2008 2:27 am
RoryLegend says...



Up front I have to admit that I didn't get to read it all for a lack of time but the parts I did read were pretty good. Can I just suggest that in the part where you talk about the secretary mispronouncing her name that you do it less in depth. I understand the point you are trying to put across but you should take another look at that part and see if you can't rewrite it or if needed eliminate it and put soemthing simple like ...she called me but mispronounced my name....well that is kind of lame but you get what I mean. It's just confusing with all the explanation then made me worry about how I was pronouncing her name for the rest of what I read. I like how in the very begining she is sort of fighting with her own sanity-I think that is a good way to add emmotion to a story and make it seem almost crazy and make the reader feel like they are losing it too throught hte character. Very good overall- Keep writing!
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