Young Writers Society

Silence.

The song... I remembered hearing it.

Darkness.

What happened to the light?

Moon's gone. I realized, gazing in the direction I assumed was up. No stars.

Dusk. A voice whispers softly.

One word.

A name?

My name?

I'm here. My voice sounded strange. Indistinguishable. It was as though my words were being not spoken but transmitted through my mind.

Go back.

Back where? Where had I come from? Where was I now?

Dusk, listen to me....

Listen to who? Who was speaking? I peered into the empty abyss. It was dark. Far too dark to see. I dared not take a step forward for fear of loosing my footing and falling into the void.

Go back....

And suddenly the world went cold.

My eyes shot open. I gasped for breath but something cold and damp filled my mouth. Soil. I choked and struggled, clawing at the earth with desperation. I felt my fingers break through above me, cold air and rain swirling around them. I took another breath, more dirt clogging my lungs, burning my throat and making my eyes water. My strength was ebbing.

I started to panic, struggling to push the rest of my arms through the opening. I coughed, chest burning, head throbbing, heart drumming with the need for air.

The rain started to seep through the soil, loosening it as I clawed my way out. I gripped the muddy soil outside and forced myself through, my muscles strained with the effort. I clenched my teeth. Almost... there....

I dragged my exhausted body out into the open air, and hacked up soil. I took a deep breath that ended with a fit of coughing.

At last I collapsed and gave in to unconsciousness.

The rain poured down.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

"You're sure he's dead, then?" Silek asked. He had to be sure.

"No one enters the Forest Of Silence and lives, you of all people should know that." Tierron snapped. "Now shut up and let's get this over with."

Silek nodded, pulling the hood of his long black cloak over his eyes. He gripped a tall staff elaborately encrusted with jewels.

The two men stood in a large, circular chamber dimly lit by candles that flickered along a spiraling ledge leading from the ceiling down to the dark stone floor. The whole room reeked of mold, sweat and above all -blood.

Teirron pulled his own hood up and grinned maliciously, his sharp piranha-like teeth glinting in the candlelight. "Bring her in."

Silek raised his staff and brought it down sharply, striking the floor hard. A loud bang echoed through the chamber and the candles flickered only for a heartbeat before they erupted in a blaze of flame winding along the ledge.

Silek raised his staff high above his head. "Aperio." His voice boomed through the chamber, bounding eerily off the walls. The ceiling shifted suddenly and slid away into the darkness, revealing the dim moonless night above.

A man appeared at the edge of the opening. "Be quick!" He called. "She's a feisty one." He disappeared for a moment and returned with another figure; a female with chains around her shoulders and forearms. He shoved her over the edge and she tumbled, down and down, past the flames until she collided with the cold stone floor below, landing on her back. She grimaced but both Teirron and Silek knew her bones were not broken. Teirron kicked her hard in her ribs out of pure disgust and she yelped like a wounded animal.

And as far as the men were concerned, she was an animal.

Silek strode over to her, his long black cloak flowing behind him like a shadow. He grabbed the girl by her chains and pulled her sharply to her feet. She stood in bitter silence, her deep burgundy eyes boring directly into Silek's soul.

"Alright," Teirron croaked. "you heard Liken. We must be quick."

Silek nodded and moved behind the girl, jabbing his staff into her spine and forcing her to her knees. Cautiously, he unlocked her chains. "Ready?"

Teirron nodded.

Silek slid the chains off the girl and watched as her raven-black wings unfolded. "Quick!" He yelled. "Grab her!"

The two men dove, pinning her down on her stomach. She struggled, shouting and squirming. "No... No!" She tried to slide out from under their weight but failed. Silek wrenched one of her wings back and there was a loud crack. The girl screamed, her face a mask of pain.

"Don't worry," Teirron hissed. "it only takes a second." He nodded to Silek.

Silek raised his staff high and brought it down with force at the base of the girl's left wing. She shrieked and the sound of cracking bones echoed through the air.

He raised his staff again, and struck her right wing with all his might. And again, bones snapped and the girl's shriek rung through the chamber. She lay motionless, defeated, her eyes screwed shut and her teeth clenched. But she didn't cry. Not her. Instead she bore the pain in silence, mourning her loss.

"Alright," Silek sighed. "let's get out of here."

Teirron nodded. "Liken!" He called, lifting his gaze to the dark night overhead. "Get the ladder. It's done."




*Author's Note: No, this is not a story with Angels. These winged creatures are something very different.*

This captivated my attention beyond a doubt. At first, I was asking myself who the person was at the start. It sounds like a girl but I could have been wrong. And then the second part of it, it was faster than the first. And you could feel the tension coming from the men, especially when the woman is described as being a feisty one.

This is where I became ultimately confused. When the woman was described as an animal, several thoughts went running through my head of what she could be, a tramp maybe? Or a cripple. It never occurred to me that she could be something special, like an angel.

But then I got even more confused as to why her wings were solely broken and she wasn't killed. But this isn't a problem in that it didn't make me want to read on. Quite the opposite actually, I now want to know why she was buried at the start and who she is. Why they kill angels instead of manipulating them for their power? Why, just why these things happen.

Two points however - 'wreaked' is 'reeked' and angels is spelled wrong at the end. Apart from that, I have nothing else to say.

Kasim.

Ok. Whoa. My brain is just on overload right now.

I really don't have a single problem with this. The beginning was very good, and one I hadn't seen before. The grammar mistakes have already been pointed out by Kasim, so I've got nothing more to add to that. I love your choice of names, they give a sense of a whole other world, completely serperate from the one we live in. The little things make a big difference, too, like how you say chamber instead of room and opening instead of door. Your descriptions are vivid, the world you've created seems well formed and the dialogue is thought prevoking and clever. It's just the right length, too, so the reader isn't bored, and is left wondering the right questions. Like, who is the main character? Why are these people breaking her wings? What is this creature? And so they're not left asking what just happened.

Overall, it was very good. The title also has me interested. Great job!
-Anna

That definitely opens with a bang. I keep wanting to know who this guy is that was buried alive. Is he linked with the winged creature? Love the whole setting. Dark, mysterious, scary.