Elemental Cycle: Volume 1- Fireborn
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Kei snorted, matching the other prince smirk for smirk. "I thought something smelled bad Adri. What are you doing here?"
"Oh that's you Kei, knowing you I'm sure you haven't bathed in weeks." Adri's eyes narrowed as he glared at Kei.
Nodding in acknowledgment of the strike, Kei stood up and walked over to Adri. The two young men glared at each other, sizing their rival up and noting any changes the summer had brought with them.
I love the way you describe your characters, the perfect blend of detailing and holding back, creating a very nice effect for them. I thought the part in bold was a little too much, though. We get the idea he's a young man, maybe just say 'man' but they're all the same age at the academy, right? If not, you would have referred to him as being a guard or teacher, yes?Jas shook his head in mock disappointment. The dark skinned young man crossed his arms and stared at them, long bangs of dark brown hair, shot through with auburn, covered solemn brown eyes.
the repetition of guys so close together is an eyefull"Just so you guys know the other guys in our dorm house aren't going to tolerate it this year." He continued in the same long suffering tone of voice.
Bewildered Kei glanced over at his rival, only to see Adri looking at him in equal confusion. "We're not that bad, are we?" Kei asked him.
Adri shrugged in bafflement. "Apparently we are. Since we've just basically been told by the entire dorm to shut up."
Flushing in embarrassment, Kei glance at his feet before turning back to his room. Muttering sourly under his breath. "This school year's gonna be no fun at all then."
"You’re telling me." Adri agreed sullenly. Sticking his nose in the air he strode across the hall towards his own room.
close?dull eyes slid clothes and his legs folded beneath him. He leaned against the wall snoring softly.
Um, what is Kei afraid of? Did I miss something, or is it a premonition he's having? I mean, you just went from describing the castle to him shivering in fear. And if his twin is older, shouldn't the burden of protecting his family fall onto him? And, protecting from what, exactly?Kei's brow furrowed as he shivered in fear, he shouldn't be scared he was a big boy and needed to protect Mama and the girls, Papa would be done with his meeting soon and would come see them before bed time. He shoved the fear and confusion aside and went back to watching the snow fall from the night sky, absorbed in his own imagination. Trapped in the memory the older Kei could do nothing but watch in resignation as what little he remembered of this night unfolded
It should be a comma, not a period"Just because it's been peaceful since before we were born Adri. That doesn't mean it's going to stay that way."
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