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Something Out There



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Wed Oct 31, 2007 5:11 am
Kim says...



i would like to know if i should keep going on this story or not. this is my first time writing. not sure if it is that good, and would appreciate comments. if there is someplace else this should be instead , i am very sorry.

thank you for your comments, i have continued this story. i am now up to chapter 11. again thank you so much.


Something Out There


Chapter One


The night air was crisp as was the ground under Seth’s footsteps. Fall finally made its entrance with the trees letting go of their leaves as if they knew the leaves were no longer needed for beauty. Seth loved this time of year. It was one of the few times his footsteps made a sound as he walked and tonight he purposely let his feet touch ground, just so he could hear the leaves crackle under his steps.

Seth’s mind was in turmoil, he needed to get this figured out but he could not grasp the reason why. He ran his fingers through his long, golden hair, what was it? There is always a purpose, ALWAYS! Why was this one kept from him? He continued to walk slowly as he willed his mind to match his footsteps, but his mind would not slow to the pace.

How could he exist without his charge? This child who was given to him to protect from the moment he entered his mother’s womb. Seth steadfastly guarded Christian who now celebrated his tenth birthday. He loved this boy with everything in him. His boy had a way of melting his heart by just being in the same room with him. He also knew Christian was different from other children his age; it was something Seth kept to himself. He shut his eyes tight, unable to control the tears now trickling down his face.

Seth did not see the black, boney arm with long, pointed fingernails striking out making him fall to the ground. As he lay in a heap, the demon crawled away with a sneer leaving a sulfuric mist in the air. Seth stayed where he fell unable to find the energy to get up, neither did he have the will. All he could feel right now was sadness so deep, it cut through his soul. Only one other time did he feel this way and it was two thousand years ago, this feeling of helplessness was not something Seth was accustomed to.

The park was full of trees; it gave Seth the feeling of being in a forest and not in the center of the city. It was full of small animals, and it was Christian’s favorite place to be. Christian loved feeding the squirrels and other small animals. “Stop it!” Seth screamed in his mind, trying to keep the memories from surfacing. “This is not going to get you answers.”

Aronn floated barely above the top of the tree line, just enough to keep hidden. His massive wings tucked in so the light would not give away his presence. The darkness of night helped to shroud his large form. His green eyes stood out against his black hair. He was unaware of his beauty, but not his strength. He wrapped his cloak tighter around himself as he watched Seth; he was trying to understand the emotions Seth was emanating. It confused him. Where was Seth’s strength? He looked pitiful just lying there! It filled him with disgust.


Aronn could see the demon following Seth, it would take but a blink of an eye to end its disgusting existence, but he could not draw his sword to send it back to the depths. If he did it would give away his presence. This small of a demon was not worth showing himself. Not yet anyway. Aronn hovered motionless for what seemed like eternity, not moving even an inch, observing the entire park. His job at this moment was to keep an eye on Seth. He would rather be anywhere but here. His passion was going into battle, which was what he was designed to do, not being a babysitter for a guardian, and a pathetic one at that. But he would stay and follow orders.

Seth was still lying there; the only thing moving was his robe in the wind. Aronn was getting extremely annoyed by this, when suddenly something else moved in the dark. It was about ten feet from Seth. He knew it was not one of his kind by the way it crawled along the edge of the bushes. It was larger than the one he had seen trailing Seth earlier. Why would they be interested in Seth? This did not make sense, one this size did not waste its time on anything but countries and nations, not parks and definitely not guardians.

Aronn drew his sword, something did not feel right. Does he stay in place or show himself. His orders were to protect Seth but to do it without being seen. His skin crawled as the demon moved beneath him, it didn’t look up; its red eyes focused only on Seth. It watched Seth silently, unaware it had been seen. Its mouth spread in an uneven grin. Aronn did not move, his eyes going back and forth from the demon to Seth. The demon was not moving, and Aronn was sensing a change in its behavior with the breathing becoming heavier and filling the air with a stench. Its eyes are now darting back and forth. The grin had left. It was looking for an escape. It sensed another presence but could not locate it.

Aronn scanned the park; something was making this demon nervous. He knew it could only be one thing. Anger welled up in him, who was being so careless! The light caught both Aronn and the demon’s eyes simultaneously. The demon moved with the speed which did not match its enormous gnarled body. It took flight with thin, black wings. Three sets of large claws extending as fingers from each vein running the length of the wing. It vanished. Aronn laughed to himself, if only the demon knew it ran from a guardian, and a gentle one at that. Aronn sheathed his sword and watched as an angel quietly approached Seth. She bent down and placed her hand gently on his head, “Seth get up” Bri whispered. “You can not stay here, it is not safe!”



Chapter two

“I can’t believe it hurts like this Bri” Seth whispered as he looked into her face. A face so familiar to him, he loved her light brown eyes, rimmed with copper. Her face seemed to always radiate gentleness. “Bri, why are you here with me? In my shame I am running, I am trying to find the truth, its not there Bri." His reply was so quiet she had to bend further to hear his words. She wiped a tear as she said. " Seth, I do not understand why Christian was taken from you, I do know that it was not your doing.” What would she be going through right now if she lost her own charge, Anna? Bri shuddered; she could not bear the thought of even thinking it. She loved Anna with such fierceness that she could not blame Seth.

Bri knew it wasn’t safe for her or Seth to stay here. She could sense they were being watched. She could smell the sulfur in the air. It was faint, but enough of it lingered, telling her the demons had been here. This was definitely not safe. She had to get him elsewhere. They needed to form a plan, anything to get Seth going again. She had never seen him like this, and it bothered her. This was not something she could do alone. Together they were a stronger team. While helping him up she thought of a place they could go. Yes, it would be safe. Not completely, but safer then here in the open.

Aronn silently moved in closer to Bri and Seth. He was getting suspicious. The legion of demons that occupied this small city of White Rapids were more like annoying flies, compared to the many wars he had fought in. If you swatted them, they would flee. It would be more like going into battle with a fly swatter than a sword. He grinned at the thought. Then he realized the danger was not coming from the legion of demons who occupied White Rapids. The thought sent a shiver through out his whole body.

Much to Bri’s relief, they had made it to the entrance of the cave. This will be safe for now. It was out of the way and hidden behind a thick foliage of overgrown bushes. She turned her focus to Seth. There appeared to be little life left in him. He needed rest badly. “Seth? “ Her voice soft as she spoke. “You can rest here, I need to get back to Anna, I will return in the morning. Will you stay here until I get back?” Seth heavily sat down on the rough stone, his voice weary. “Yes Bri I will be here when you return, I have nowhere else to go.” He leaned back and let his head rest on the cold wall behind him. He closed his eyes, “Bri, go, you need to be with your charge. Thank you for being here for me.” Bri quietly walked out, as she sent up a plea to her Father for help.

Aronn had followed Bri and Seth; he watched them enter the cave. He was now on the ground close to the entrance, he softly stepped behind the bushes, trying to keep the leaves from breaking and making a sound. Aronn could hear their voices clearer now. He didn’t like being this low, but the trees were not tall enough to hide him .He watched as Bri stepped out, she was looking up to the heavens as tears poured down her face. She was pleading for help. Aronn’s face softened. He suppressed the urge to show himself, and let Bri know she was not alone, their Father was aware of Seth’s plight.

Aronn watched as Bri headed out of the park, knowing she was going to her charge. He felt an urgency to leave also, he needed to meet with his captain and brief him on the information he had gathered. While contemplating what to do, Aronn did not notice the black form crawling on all fours, moving towards the entrance of the cave. It moved along the ground, almost on its belly. The demon scanned the area with eyes full of hatred; it was looking for light source that would give away the presence of its enemy. It found none, and now filled with boldness, it quickly entered the cave unseen.

Seth waited; he could smell the demon as it entered. His anger now coming to the surface, Seth was ready for a fight. He had no fear of them, none of the angels did. These creatures were the lowest of life. They needed to be eliminated but never feared. Seth did not move he would make it come to him. He could now hear the scratching of nails on the rock surface, and heavy labored breathing. Seth almost gagged as the stench filled the air. The demon was close. “Seth!" The demon yelled, with a rasping, wheezy voice. “I know you are here, you hide as a mouse does.” Seth stayed silent. The taunts were not affecting him. The demon now moved into view, it crawled up to Seth and put its face mere inches from the angel. Still Seth did not move. He locked eyes with the demon and glared. Holding his anger back, he allowed the demon to speak its business.

The smell caught Aronn’s attention; he worriedly looked around for its location. He knew one was here; a sickness filled his stomach as he realized it had made it past him and into the cave with Seth. He moved to the entrance without touching ground, and slowly entered. Now inside the cave he could hear the demon yell Seth’s name. “Oh great!” he said to himself. Seth could not possibly defend himself, a guardian does not carry a weapon, and as beaten down as he is, he was definitely an easy target. Aronn was angry; he would now have to show his presence. To do that would mean he had failed.

He moved to a position where he could visually see both Seth and the demon. As he started to take his cloak off and draw his sword, a gentle whisper came to him. “No Aronn, do not prepare for battle, stay hidden as you were told to do. Seth must pass this test.” Aronn could not see from whom the whisper came, but he could feel His presence. It filled him with a peace and calmness, and warmed him from the inside out. Aronn put his cloak back on, leaned against the stone wall and sighed.


Chapter three


Seth sat on the cold ground not moving. Wings tucked in beneath his cloak. His eyes never leaving the demons face. To think that this grotesque thing was once beautiful. He almost felt pity for it.

“Do not pity me!” the demon screamed, reading Seth’s mind. “Look at you! You give up to easy. You have become weak! The demon moved in closer, its voice lowered,” You were once strong Seth, those stupid humans have changed you. You should have come with me.”

Seth closed his eyes, remembering when they were once friends, they could have been brothers. Both of them had golden hair and blue eyes. They did everything together. The laughter they once shared, the dreams and the meaningful conversations. It was a time he tried to never take his mind back to. They were too painful for him; even now he willed his mind to erase what he couldn’t forget.

“Aw I can see it in your eyes, you remember don’t you Seth”

“How can I forget?” Seth yelled. . He opened his eyes and looked at the fallen angel. “Those memories are no longer, you are detestable to me, and you willing gave it all up for power! What power do you now possess demon! “

“What power do I possess?” his eyes half closed, a smile creeping up his face. ”Mmmm… let’s see, where do I begin.” The demon looked around for a comfortable sitting place. Finding one next to the wall he sat back on his haunches.

“Well to start with, I destroy relationships of every kind. I can wreck a friendship in one day, marriages fall apart with mere words whispered in ears.” He shifted his weight, enjoying this. And continued. “Families are my favorite. I can destroy generations going way back, lasting way into the future.”

“You see the human race is…., let’s just say empty. They seek anything, and everything to fill this void. That’s where I come in. Once I am allowed in, I consume them. They can barely let their minds think of anything else. I grab their hearts with my hands. Once my claws have dug in deep, I don’t let go.” The demon let out a long sigh. “If you look in the humans eyes you can see me. That is power in itself. “

He continued now with a low hiss. ”don’t you get it, Seth? Your Father allows forgiveness, but I have found a way to keep them from forgiving. I can keep their hearts from seeking Him. I do not let go easily, and continue to come back, again and again. They are so stupid; they make it easy for me to control them.”

Seth leaned forward; he has seen first hand what this demon is capable of. His anger boiling to the surface,” They are not stupid, they are blind and unknowing; do you honestly think your power is so strong? With one word, a child with faith can send you back to the depths!’ Seth’s voice became lower. “Stupid is what you are, you traded love, freedom and peace for shackles. That is what I see demon!

“I have a name! “The demon screeched. “Say it!”

“Your name has been erased; it no longer belongs to you”

The demon became enraged,” Say my name Seth! Acknowledge who I am!’ spraying Seth with sulfurous spit.

Seth stood up and stepped forward in one quick, fluid motion. His frame over ten feet tall towering over the demon. “Acknowledge who you are? You mean WHAT you are. You are Hate, that is your name now; never will I call you by another!”

“I have a name! I have a name! I HAVE A NAME!” hate screamed while backing away from Seth. He looked behind him and noticed only rock. Panic now filled him, his sides heaving in and out, trying to get air. This is not the way it was supposed to happen. Seth was weak, an easy mark. He was known as the gentle one.

Seth moved in closer. Taking his cloak off and tossing it in front of him, purposely making it land on the demon’s head. It snagged on a crooked scale and hung there. Seth grinned. He could feel the energy course through his entire body. With it came a comforting warm sensation. The energy exploded in a blinding light, exiting through his enormous wings.

Seth’s face was full of amusement, blue eyes shimmering. Gazing downward he looked at hate. "What are you doing? Looking for a way out?”

The demon, now enraged clawed at the air, it tried to lift its self up with tiny, thin black wings.

Seth started to laugh. “Those itty bitty wings are useless” He said as he moved in even closer, pinning hate to the rock. The demon’s body was now twisted, his left back leg pointed straight up, caught against the wall, and he could feel the tendons stretching to their limit. He tried to get his other leg underneath him for leverage, but it would not move.

Hate could find no way out, he slowly rolled his head to face Seth. Eyes bulging with evil. “MOVE!!!” his lips curled baring sharp uneven teeth.

“Make me!”

Using the only weapon available, hate opened his large gaping jaw, releasing a thick, green and black mist. His yellow fangs pushing forward, and angled straight out, like a venomous snake. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, showing only the white.

It all played out with a blinding speed; before the demons mouth found its mark, Seth’s fist plowed into the side of its head, making it roll and bounce off of the rock wall. Not stepping back he lifted his wings for more leverage, his other hand smashed down on top of the demons head, cracking it open. Seth then picked him up by his thick neck, and hurled him into the rock ceiling. Hate hit with such force it sent rock pieces flying in all directions. The demons body hit the ground and rolled, making Seth having to side step him.

Hate rolled painfully onto his back, and searched for the angel with one eye, the other swollen shut. His body twisted like a rag doll. With his vision blurred he spotted Seth standing off to his left.

“You still lose, you can not win Seth” his voice coming out in gasps. “Come kneel beside me so you can hear me better.”

Seth stood straight, put his shoulders back and chest out, opening his wings and stretched them to their full glory. Exposing the intricate silver lining that shined with such radiance, the dark of the cave became like day.

“Only my Father will I get on my knees for.”

“You may have won this fight, but Seth, you will lose the battle.”

As Seth strained to hear the words, the demon screamed in terror. Seth quickly looked around him, but found nothing.. Only the demon could see the horror that was before him.

Hell was its home now.


Chapter 4

Seth cautiously scanned every space in the cave, slowly turning his head to look over his shoulder, tucking his wings in to see behind him. An audible sigh escaped his lips; allowing his body to relax. He was alone. Spotting his cloak on the floor, he kneeled down to pick it up. A smile played upon his face as he wrapped the cloak around his shoulders.

“I am done hiding” Seth thought. His mind raced and began to fill with thoughts of what he now needed to do. This time his feet did not touch the ground. Opening his wings he lifted up through the rock ceiling, streaking high above the trees.

The night air was cold and refreshing as it hit his face. He was taking large deep breaths; cleansing his lungs from the stench of the demon. He felt alive again. He had the King of the universe holding his hand. Seth hit top speed, turned left and headed home.

Aronn stood in the darkness of the cave. He had watched the entire scene between Seth and the demon. His eyes twinkled with amusement. “To think Seth kicked butt with out a sword. He didn’t even need a fly swatter.” he chuckled to himself.

Stepping outside, a cold, gentle wind ruffled his black hair. Unfolding his wings; he flew east toward the town of White Rapids. “Maybe this assignment won’t be so bad after all.” Aronn thought to himself.

Aronn could see the city lights approaching; he felt an urgency to find his captain. Now flying low, he circled the town. As he entered, he swooped into an alley behind a deserted clothing store. The alley was dark, as was most of this side of town. This part of White Rapids had fallen into the hands of evil. Crime and immorality had become the norm and demons now occupied it. The dark helped to conceal Aronn‘s arrival. The last thing he needed right now was to alert the enemy of his presence.

Aronn could now see the small church being used as the headquarters. He squinted to see the rooftop. Relief flooded him as he drew closer. Turning to his right, he rose higher and landed quietly on the steep roof. Tiptoeing, Aronn made his way over to the far end.

“WAKE UP!”

“Aronn! When will you grow up?” Ernes whispered, with a hint of annoyance.

“Ah captain, you are glad to see me, don’t hide it.”

“Why can’t you just present yourself, do you really have to sneak up on me like that? I almost fell. Besides, I knew you were coming.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did. There is nothing that catches me off guard.”

“There is no way you saw me. I am stealth, and fast. I go unseen.”

Ernes turned to look at Aronn,” Stealth? Ha! You might as well carry a sign saying, “Here I am.”

Aronn turned to look over the city and laughed. “You know I am the best in this army of yours. Admit it. Many a time have I saved your behind?”

“And I yours” Ernes said under his breath. Aronn was right, he was the best. They have fought in thousands of battles together, and there is no one else he would prefer to have at his side. Aronn could have easily been captain, but he preferred battle over semantics.

Aronn sat down next to Ernes, allowing his legs to dangle over the roof top, leaning back on his hands he turned and looked at his captain. He couldn’t remember a time they weren’t friends. Ernes was shorter and his skin was dark. His brown hair always seemed to be in place; a stark contrast to Aronn’s wild curls. His friend’s eyes were so dark; they appeared black; especially when he was angry.

“So, are you going to fill me in, or just sit there and admire my looks?” Ernes said.” Seth returned home. I wasn’t expecting him this soon.”

“You give away your secrets my friend. Seth’s returning meant my return.”

“Aronn, seriously just tell me, I am in no mood for your banter.”

“Ok, it doesn’t look good\.Seth had been trailed by a couple demons. One small, one very large and one who knew him personally. The large one was out of place.”

“What do you mean out of place?”

Aronn became serious, “One his size is not normally assigned to a town like White Rapids, but rather a war between countries. There is only one reason for him to be here, and that does not bode well.”

“Why are they following a guardian?” Ernes said nervously. “Who was this demon that knew Seth?”

“I don’t know the first name that was given him, but Seth called him Hate, It appeared they were friends before the falling. I am not sure why he hunted Seth, but I am sure he intended to destroy him.”


Ernes stared out into the dark; a guardian angel on a hit list did not make sense. He turned back to Aronn, “This child of Seth’s, do you know him?”
Aronn jerked his head around, “That’s it! The child, it must be the child.”

Ernes got to his feet, “We need to get all the information we can on Seth’s charge. I will put a hedge of protection around him for now.” As he stepped off the roof, Ernes looked back at Aronn, “Go stay with Seth and the child. Do not let them out of your sight. Stay hidden, you are not to be seen, you are only to observe.”

Both war angels flew off in separate directions. Aronn heading to the child’s house, and Ernes to report to his superior.



Chapter 5

The sun was starting to break over the mountains of the small town of White Rapids. Sitting in a large tree, Aronn had tucked himself in between two branches.. Resting his arms over the top, and sitting on the bottom as he let his legs swing. He had found the child’s home, but so far all he could see were the angels who were sent to protect Seth and his charge, Christian. They had positioned themselves facing outward and standing shoulder to shoulder they surrounded the small house.

Aronn watched them, they were impressive. Some of the angels stood over 10 feet tall. There was no mistaking these angels, armor reflecting the rising sun almost blinding Aronn. Enormous swords hung from their waist, wrapped in gold rope, their arms were as thick as a tree, muscled by the many battles fought welding a heavy sword. Wings folded behind them with the tips touching the ground. They took this job very seriously. The only thing Aronn could see move were their eyes. Eyes trained to see the enemy under any disguise.

Yep, Aronn was proud of them, but then he was also one of them.

As sunlight poured in through the bedroom window, Seth stood over Christian. He had been watching the young boy sleep. His favorite time was when he was waking up, this is when a human is most innocent. Seth sat on the edge of the bed, putting one wing over Christian like a blanket. “ Wake up sleepy head, you are missing the sunrise.”

Christian rolled over and was now facing Seth, his eyes closed but a smile crossed his face.

“It’s almost as if he knows you are there Seth.” Bri whispered.

Seth looked up, he had not even noticed she had come into the room. “I know, sometimes I can feel it to.”

“I am glad you are back, Christian needs you. Only you can completely understand him.” Bri, said as she gently sat on the other side of the bed. Staring at Christian she could see why Seth loved him so much. This child radiated love and a fierce faith in God, not found in many humans. Not even her charge, Anna.

“Bri, look, he is waking up.” Seth’s eyes never left Christians face. As the child slowly opened his eyes, he sleepily looked at Seth. Their eyes gazing at one another. After a few seconds, Christian’s eyes looked away towards the window. Seth had these few seconds every morning, seconds of recognition. The only time he knew Christian could see him. Then the world would claim him.

Bri sighed, in some ways she was jealous of Seth. Christian had faith, and faith allowed him the Ability to recognize his guardian angel.

“One day Anna will be aware of you Bri,”

As she got up and walked out of the room, she painfully looked at Seth. “I hope it is soon, time is limited here. Their lives are so short, and I fear Anna’s will be shorter then most.”

Chapter 6

Seth watched as Bri left the room, her sadness showing on her face. He to worried about Anna.

He got up off the bed and walked over to the window; he folded his arms in front of him and stared out. The sun was now full. Seth was aware of the protection posted around the house. He should feel secure, but inside he knew what it meant. And security definitely did not fit the picture.

He turned to watch as Christian was now crawling out of bed. “They know of you, but how? I have been so careful to protect you.” He sighed and turned back to the window.

“You could not keep him a secret forever Seth.”

Seth spun around, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” he glared at Samuel. “You are not his guardian, I am!”

“I just follow orders Seth, it is not my fault they replaced you with me.” Samuel looked at Christian, who was now getting dressed. “I have not been told why, but being with this boy for almost two days, I can see you are hiding something. He is unique.”

Seth closed his eyes, “Can you at least tell me who sent you?”

“Does it really matter? It won’t change anything Seth. I can’t leave until I am released.” Samuel spoke softly. “But I will let you stay. As long as you allow me to do my job. I can see where this child could use two guardians. Will you be willing to share him?”

Seth was struggling, but Samuel was right. It wasn’t his fault, and it looked as if he really had no choice. Samuel had the right to send him away again.
With a heavy sigh, Seth replied. “I have no choice, and this is not about me. Thank you.”

Aronn watched the two angels through the window. He did not understand guardians, only battle. Watching Seth with Christian was something he had never witnessed before. “Could a child really see us?” He thought to himself.

If Seth and Christian had that ability, he was starting to understand a little as to why Seth was so pathetic last night in the park. And then found the strength to defeat the demon. Seth truly loved him, and would die protecting him. “Could this child also see me?” The thought caught Aronn off guard.

Seth, Samuel and Bri stood in the kitchen watching, while Christian and Anna sat at the table, eating breakfast. Christian stayed silent as Anna glared at him. She took a bite of dry toast, and then threw it down in disgust. “This is not a breakfast!” she said to no one in particular.

Christian looked at her with sadness, “Anna, you have to eat, Mom is still in bed, and we are not going to get anything else.”

“She is not our mother Christian, quit calling her that!”

“Yea, well the way I see it Anna, no one else wanted us. It’s not like foster homes are a dime a dozen here. She is the only one we have. You need to give her a chance.”

Anna tipped her chair over as she got up. “I am going to school.”

Christian could see nothing but pain in her eyes. He wondered what her life had been like, before coming here. She didn’t talk to anyone, just stayed in her room.

As Anna left by the back door, Bri followed. As they walked past one of the war angels, Bri noticed the black demon named pain, shrink to hide himself. He tried to reach out and cling to Anna’s leg. Trying to pass unnoticed. It didn’t work, he felt the pain sear into his side as he landed about 20 feet from Anna. He looked up at the large angel who had kicked him. “This is my home, not yours; you cannot keep me from it.” He hissed. “Anna is mine; I have the right to go everywhere she goes.”

The war angel bent down staring the small demon in the eyes. “As long as I am here, every time you pass me, you will fly. Bet on it.” he grinned as the demon scrambled to his feet and limped off after Anna.

“Thank you” Bri said with a smile. Watching as the angels standing shoulder to shoulder all laughed. “Any time Bri, it is our pleasure.”

As a guardian angel, she could not do anything about the demons that clung to Anna. At least not until Anna found faith. Until then she had to endure them, Anna’s freewill kept Bri limited in her protection. Only Anna could tell them to leave, and she was unaware of them. Bri sadly followed Anna to school.

Christian bent to kiss his foster mother on the cheek, pulling her covers up over her shoulders. He said a silent prayer, and then gently closed the bedroom door behind him. And headed off to school with Seth and Samuel walking on each side of him.

As the trio passed a small tree a little demon named sadness, reached out with one skinny arm trying to grab at Christian. Seth stepped on his hand, crunching the bones, without even stopping he growled. “Don’t even think about it!”

Samuel laughed, “Do they seriously think we are stupid?”

People passing them only noticed a small boy walking alone, their unseeing eyes could not see the two large angels, one with his hand resting on Christian’s head.

“Do you see that?” came a hiss from behind the gas station. “Hate failed with his mission. Now what do we do?” The larger demon sneered, reached out and back handed the smaller one, sending him rolling. “Why did you do that?” the smaller one whined.

“Because I could!” the large demon said with his eyes squinted. “Now go to the stronghold and let them know what we have just seen. I will continue to trail them.”

“You’re not the boss of me!”

The large demon lunged for the smaller one, picked him up with one thick arm and threw him into the wall of the gas station. “Don’t question me you little puke of a bug.”

“Fine, fine, you don’t have to get huffy, I will do it.” The small one said as he scurried off


Chapter Seven



Aronn had followed Christian as he walked to school. As the school bell rang he watched him walk into the building with Seth and Samuel at his side. He found a spot on the school roof and sat down. Aronn was getting ancy just observing. His hand went to his sword and rested there. With a heavy sigh he looked around the playground. Spotting a few small demons here and there just mulling around, anxiously awaiting for anyone of the many students that would allow them to claim them as their own.

Aronn’s body twitched at the thought of even one small battle; he could clear them all out with one wide swipe of his sword. They wouldn’t even be able to fight back.

He knew their sole existence depended on finding a human to live in, to cling to and make the human suffer. He saw low self esteem, pain, self doubt, fear, anger and loneliness. There were many, many more, their names fitting the affliction they put upon humans. They did not care if it was a child or an adult. Their strength was not in their size but in their ability to control the human. They took away hope and blinded the person from actually seeing that there is love and peace in this world of theirs.

“There is hope and peace, and a solid place to stand.” Aronn thought to himself. “If only the people could see through the darkness.”

Aronn felt a hand rest on his shoulder; he looked up at his Captain. “I know it is hard for you Aronn to sit back and not use your sword. There is a purpose here, and the time will come for battle.” Ernes said as he sat down next him.

“The child is very important to this mission.” Ernes said.

“Would you care to fill me in on this mission Captain?”

Ernes stopped to think for a moment. How much should he tell his closest friend? “There are two men in this town. One very dangerous, he hides among the citizens, and the other a decent man of God. They are linked together, although they are unaware of each other.”

“And the child?” Aronn asked.

“He will become our strongest weapon. Seth, his guardian is overly protecting him. He is not allowing him to be tested, Christian needs to find his strength and realize his abilities, or we may end up losing this battle.”

Above the city of White Rapids in a thick forested area, the small demon, named Panic, slowly made his way to the hideout of his leader. A large, thick build and very dangerous demon he knew only as the Strongman. “Why should I be the one to tell him that Hate had failed.” Panic said to himself, he didn’t like how he was always treated as a mongrel dog, being kicked around and ordered to do this and that. He shivered, knowing he would be beat yet again.

Panic moved on his belly , trying to make himself even smaller as he moved through the ranks of hideous legs, arms and claws. The stench was thick with the multitude of this many crammed in one area. These demons were like an angry mob. They were all large and bored of waiting around.

Panic wanted only to find The Strongman, give him the information , and leave quickly. It was a painful process, they taunted him, kicked him and stepped on him. “Look what we have here?” one of them said, “The rodent moves as if he is hiding from us.” Laughter filled the air, as they continued to torment him.

“Leave me alone!” Panic screamed. “I have information for the Strongman.” Just then he felt claws dig deep into his neck as he was lifted off the ground. Fear rising up in him, he shut his eyes tight.

“So tell me!” The Strongman hissed.

Not opening his eyes, panic told him how Hate had failed, and Seth was now back with his charge.

Strongman took one step forward and turned to face the ranks. His size looming over the other demons under his control. He raised his arm up, with Panic still in his grip. Panic’s tongue lolled out of his mouth, dripping saliva, his eyes bulging, his body quaking from terror.

A ripple of laughter came from the ranks, “SILENCE!” Strongman roared. “This loathsome flea has just told me we have failed.!” He brought Panic up to his face, Panic tried not to look into his eyes. Strongman’s mouth was gaping open, a green thick liquid dripped from his lips. His breath was horrid , his pointed teeth were large and faced in all directions. Panic could take no more, he passed out. Now limp in his grasp, the strongman hurled him across the room, sending him into the demonic ranks.

His face filled with rage, he looked at his large army now cowering before him. “ You will not fail again!” His voice exploded. “I want Seth and the child dead, and out of the way. Now get out of here all of you!”

Black filled the sky, as the demons took flight, eager to be anywhere else. They headed towards White Rapids and the unsuspecting citizens.

Aronn and Ernes felt the immediate drop of temperature in the air. Both of them quickly got to their feet, hands instinctively going for the swords hanging from their waist. The playground was now empty. Something had scared the demons into hiding.

“The Strongman is here.” Ernes said.


Chapter 8

The school bell rang and soon the playground was filling with children.Christian stepped out of the school’s main doors and headed down the steps, as he got to the bottom, an icy wind hit his face. He stopped, something didn’t feel right. He shuddered and pulled his thin coat tighter around his small frame. Standing there he looked around, he was searching for anything that would account for the uneasy feeling shrouding him.

Christian noticed the other school kids. They seemed more aggressive then normal. Seth and Samuel felt it to. They instinctively stepped closer to Christian, wrapping wings around him to protect him.

“Seth?” Samuel said, as he felt his body tensing. “Do you feel that?”

“I think everyone here feels it, look at the children.” Seth said. “We have to get Christian home NOW!” As a sense of urgency filled him. Seth noticed Christian wasn’t moving. He bent down and gently whispered in his ear. “Christian, go home. You have to go home now!”

Christian looked for the safest way to avoid the children. He decided to walk along the wall of the school. When he was off school grounds, he took off running for home.

Aronn and Ernes stood on the school roof watching the black cloud of demons flying closer to the city. “Captain? I think it is time to call in reinforcements, it looks to me like there are thousands of them.”

“There is no time, we can not leave the child, and it is him they are searching for.” Ernes said while thinking of a plan. “Follow me and stay out of sight as long as possible.”

They opened their wings and flew behind the homes lining the neighborhood, trying not to be seen. They would follow the three of them home. Aronn could feel his muscles twitching, aching for a fight. Ernes looked over at him and grinned. “Aronn, not yet.”

“But soon Captain, I can feel it. One of the many demon’s are bound to see the child running.”

The dark ominous cloud was almost over the city, a few of the smaller and quicker demon’s had already made it and were wreaking havoc. One bulky demon was flying low, his wings creating a chill as they flapped in an awkward fashion. His yellow eyes darting back and forth, searching for the child. He didn’t care about the rest of the children, just this one. “Take out the guardian.” He thought and the child will be an easy mark.

The demon spotted them running along the sidewalk. A crooked grin crossed his face, and then faded. “Wait; there are three of them running! Why does this child have two guardians?” The words came to him causing him to reconsider his bravery. He slowed down and searched for any other angels. The guardians did not matter to him, they were usually unarmed. He was searching for the dangerous kind.

Not seeing any, the demon decided to take out Seth first.

Aronn and his Captain spotted the demon and could see his intention; they flew to intercept him, Aronn on the left and Ernes to the right. With swords drawn and wings expanded to their fullest, they released a blast of blinding light. The demon never saw them, his eyes locked on Seth.

The demon folded his black wings along the length of his back, making for a faster descent. With his hind legs pushed forward and talons extended out, it aimed for the back of Seth’s head.

Aronn could feel his strength increasing, surging through his entire body. It felt good. He was coming in fast; his blazing sword held out in front of him, he aimed for the demon’s neck. He could see the large vein pulsing down the back of the demon’s head. His blade leaving a trail of light as it made a wide arc. Aronn yelled, putting all of his strength into this one thrust. If he missed, there would not be a second chance.

Aronn’s blade vibrated as it hit the mark. The force of the strike sent the demon flying end over end towards Ernes. His head attached to his body by a few sinewy fragments. Ernes backed up and brought his blade up over his right shoulder. With a yell that matched Aronn’s, he allowed the sword to release it‘s full power. With a burst of speed, his arm swung out and struck the demon, cutting him in half. Before the mangled pieces of the demon could hit the ground, they disappeared in a flume of green smoke. The demon never seeing its enemy

Aronn looked around, as he rose higher off the ground, searching for more threats. “This one was careless.” he said looking down at Ernes

Ernes was not listening, he was watching the child. Seth and Samuel were standing over him as he knelt on the cold side walk. Christian’s eyes were closed and his lips were silently moving. “The child is praying.” He thought incredulously.

Aronn floated down to stand next to his Captain. “What is wrong?”

“Look at the boy; this is where our strength has come from.”

“But how did he know to start praying? A boy of ten is not aware of these things.” Aronn said quietly.

Seth turned from Christian and stared at the two warriors, who were standing with their eyes wide with confusion.

“How long have you been watching us?” Seth questioned them.
Samuel walked over to them. Turning to glaring at Seth. “I don’t care how long, I am thankful you were here.”

Seth stammered, “I am sorry I didn’t mean it to come out rudely, it’s just that things are getting out of control. I am truly grateful for your protection today.” He kneeled down next to Christian. “I was wondering how long I could keep him secret.” He said while tenderly looking at him.

“It appears your secret has never been a secret.” Ernes replied. “The plan seems to have been in place for sometime. The Strongman knows of him, and you were replaced for the child‘s safety. Your replacement is not a guardian angel.” He said looking at Samuel.

Seth spun around, “If he is not a guardian, they who is he?”

“I am one of them.” Samuel said, pointing to Ernes and Aronn


Chapter 9


Jack Thornley looked around the room. He was standing in front of six men, all seated at a large conference table. The men were nervous, not one would look him in the eye. Jack was a huge man, in his late 40’s. He stood over six feet tall with broad shoulders, thinning hair and eyes black as night. It was his eyes the men could not look into, he seemed to always know what they were thinking. It was as if Jack could see into their soul.

“Is everything in place?” Jack asked.

“Sir, almost everything. We are waiting on the pastor of the church. River of Hope.” One of the men said.

“I need that deed!” Jack bellowed. “Without that land, it will be impossible to begin the construction for the university.”

“The pastor requested more time; he is waiting on the church board to approve the sale.” Tim said nervously. He did not like this man.

Jack slowly walked around the room, his arms folded behind him. He purposely walked behind each man. As he did, the men shuddered, as if something crawled up their back.

Next to him was the strongman, unseen by human eyes. His body was muscular and he walked on all fours, his legs were thick as tree trunks with large knobby hands and feet that protruded dagger like nails. His back was covered with black scales and his wings were so large, the talons sticking out along the vein lines, scraped along the ground as he folded them down his humped back.

His yellow eyes twitching with excitement. Jack was his tool. No…. “More like a puppet.” He thought. Jack was easy to manipulate. This man unknowingly was carrying out the Strongman’s plans. A wide crooked grin crossed his face. “The pastor WILL sign that deed, one way or another.”

Jack looked over the men. “I don’t see where the problem is? The church has shriveled up, isn’t there only 20 or so people in the congregation?” Anger turning his face red. “That pastor should be eager to leave. That land is mine, and I will have it!”

The Strongman stood up on his hind legs; he leaned over Jack’s shoulder and hissed in his ear. “Burn down the church.”

Jack turned to walk out the door, looking over his shoulder with a lop sided grin he said, “Burn it down.”

The Strongman laughed as he watched the six men’s reactions. “This is so easy.” he thought and turned to follow Jack.

Christian ran the rest of the way home; he was feeling fear and did not know why. His mind just kept telling him to run with every ounce of strength in him. The four angels positioned themselves on all sides of him, pushing him to run faster.

Seth looked up at the sky; it was now dark with the demonic cloud closing in. He could see their red and yellow eyes targeting Christian.

“Captain.” Arron said while looking up. “I will lag behind and slow them down.”

“No Arron, there are too many, and we do not have the numbers to match them.” Ernes replied. “We need the prayer coverage to increase our numbers. There are thousands of our troops prepared for battle, but with out the prayer they can only wait.”

Seth looked at both of them, “You mean to tell me, there is nothing you can do but run?”

“Seth?” Samuel said. “Getting Christian home is our main priority at this moment. Once there we will fill you in on everything.”

“What makes you think we are safe there? If we can do nothing now!” Seth said to Samuel.

“The house is being guarded; it will deter them for now, buying us sometime.” Samuel was getting frustrated with Seth. He couldn’t blame him though. Seth had been kept in the dark from the very beginning. He softened his voice, “The Warriors already in place around the home have been given permission to do battle if needed. They are prepared. It is the safest place for Christian to be.


Chapter 10

The afternoon sky soon became dark. The ominous cloud was closing in faster than the angels could get Christian to run. His little legs pumping as fast as he could go.

Christian was running out of air, his legs burned and his chest felt like it was going to explode. “Run faster, don’t stop!” was the only thing going through his mind.

“Why am I running?” Christian momentarily thought. “Just run! Your life depends on it.” His mind screamed back at him.

Three war angels and one guardian tried to cover Christian as he ran.

Christians’ guardian angel, Seth, was on his right side yelling for him to run for his life. Seth could smell the sulfur as it consumed the oxygen in the air. The flapping wings numbering in the thousands reminded Seth of a drum roll. He was sure the demons were right on top of them.

Seth quickly turned his face upwards, yellow and red eyes glared back. Seth could see the murderous look in them. The demons were not about to let Christian get away. They would not fail this time. Each one wanted the glory for himself. They pushed each other out of the way to get to the child first.

As Seth looked up, Christian stumbled and fell to the sidewalk; he rolled a few times and landed face down on the cement. “Get him up Seth!” Aronn yelled as he drew his sword. The demons were now descending upon them.

Samuel and Ernes also unsheathed their swords. They looked at each other, nodded and then the three war angels put their faces to the sky, wings folded back and with a flash of blinding light they shot straight up into the oncoming legion of demons.

As the angels approached closer they let out a war cry, the sound itself stopped the ones that were in the lead, causing a dominoes affect within the ranks. The demons became entangled within each other. Wings, talons, and black scaly bodies were falling in all directions.

Aronn was the first to enter, he opened his wings to their full span knocking a few out of the air and sending them spiraling to the ground. He could feel their claws and swords tearing at his cloak. Turning to the left he let his body spin, his sword swathing a clear area around him. Now free of their grasp, he ripped off what was left of his cloak.
Aronn looked around and found Samuel and his Captain on each side of him. Standing side by side, they continued to slash into the onslaught of the demons. Blow after blow of swords connecting, had created a shower of sparks.

Samuel felt a searing heat slash through his left leg, as he looked down a large gnarled bodied demon was just raising his thin sword to strike again. Samuel let out a roar and brought his blade straight down. The demon backed up and raised his sword to block the blow, but collapsed under the power of it. His squinty red eyes looked at Samuel in fear as he felt his sword break from his grasp and go spinning into the cloud of spirits. Dismembering a few of them.

The demon screamed as Samuel brought his sword down again and again, passing through his body like butter, cutting him to pieces. Green mist escaped from the demons’ insides with each strike. The last blow severing the grotesque head from its shoulders.

Captain Ernes found himself covered with smaller spirits, instead of using swords they gnashed at his back with sharp teeth. They clung onto him with razor sharp claws. Their numbers alone would eventually weigh him down. Ernes shook off his cloak, taking a few of them with it. He shook his whole body to get them to release their hold. But they had dug in deep and would not let go of him. His sword was useless on these tiny ones; he risked cutting himself if he tried to use it.

“Captain! Go into your famous spin.” Aronn yelled over the din of flapping wings. “I will follow underneath.”

Ernes released a surge of power as he sent his body streaking through the air, wildly spinning; he darted in and out of the mass of demons. He shot straight up, banking right and then a sharp left. Continuing this procedure until one by one the tiny spirits released their hold on him. Aronn was behind him, slashing away at the ones who lost their grip. Not one survived the wild ride.

Seth had spread his wings to cover Christian, whispering in his ear to get up and run. He was frantic, trying not to watch the battle above him; he concentrated on just getting Christian home.

Christian reached up to feel his face, making sure he was not bleeding. He just wanted to stay where he was and rest, but his instincts were telling him it was not safe. He felt a shiver go up his back. Still on his belly face down, he lifted his head and looked around. It seemed darker now and a sense of ominous danger was in the air. Fear gripped him. Just then he could feel himself being lifted off the ground. That was all he needed, he put his legs back into action and headed the two blocks home.
Seth had seen the demon break through the ranks, and dive down towards them. He looked for Ernes, Aronn and Samuel. They were still trying to hold off the advance, and did not notice the lone demon heading for Seth and Christian. Seth grabbed the back of Christians’ coat and yanked him up, he yelled in Christian’s ear. “Move now!” To his relief Christian got up and took off running.

Seth turned to face the demon head on, “STOP” he said while putting both hands in front of him. “You will not touch that boy.”

The demon snickered, “And who are you to stop me, you wear no battle armor and carry no weapons, with what strength do you think you can stop me with.”

“Put your skinny sword down and fight with just the strength you have in your hideous body.” Seth said, while rolling up his garment sleeves.

Out of the corner of his eye, Samuel noticed Christian running alone. He was almost to the front door. The war angels surrounding the house closed in around him ushering him up the stairs and into the house. He was safe for now.

Samuel yelled at Ernes and Aronn. “The child is safe.” He said. “Head to the house now!”

Just as the three were backing up, a flash of light sped past them, going straight up. All they could see were silver and blue wings. “That is Seth, what is he doing?” Aronn said. “Please don’t tell me he is running away.”

“He is not running, look.” Samuel said. Aronn looked up and noticed the demon in Seth’s’ grip. All three laughed as they watched Seth drop him.

Seth charged the demon and with all his strength he wrapped his arms around the demons neck, and put his wings to work. He flew as high as he could, until the houses were just specks on the ground. He stopped in mid air, the demon dangling from his arms. “Let me go, your crazy! This is no way to fight.” The demon wheezed, trying to get air.

Seth looked down at the three angels below him, they were ready for him. Seth let go, and watched the demon tumble into three blazing swords.

The four angels headed to the house and entered through the roof. In the attic they laid their swords down, and sat with their backs to the wall. A smile played on their faces, they had succeeded this time. It felt good.

The legion of demons watched as the angels flew to the house and enter. They backed off noticing the house had full protection. They scattered into nearby trees, bushes and what ever else would conceal them. They would hide and wait. It was better then going back to the stronghold and facing the Strongman.


Chapter 11

The sun was starting to set, the days were getting shorter as fall slowly inched its way towards winter. The citizens in the small city of White Rapids were getting off work and heading to their homes. They were unaware of the turmoil that raged through their city streets.

One small house stood out among the rest in a poor and neglected part of town. To the neighbors, nothing looked out of the ordinary. They couldn’t see the many demons hiding in the bushes and behind their homes. If they were able to, they would see hundreds of yellow and red eyes glowing in the darkening day. All focused on one tiny, run down home. Waiting.

Surrounding the small blue house were at least thirty war angels. Sent to protect a 10 year old boy. They stood shoulder to shoulder facing outwards, their faces looked like stone. The only thing that moved were their eyes, they were scanning the perimeter of the yard, watching for any of the demons careless enough to enter. They were stoic as they held their large swords in front of them. They wore body armor made of solid gold and on the chest plate were a lion and a lamb etched in emeralds and diamonds. The armor emitted a blazing light, and it was this that kept the demons in hiding. The light meant only one thing. These angels were ready for battle; they did not need the prayer of a human for strength. Their strength was given to them from the Creator. The demons had no choice but to wait for Christian to leave the covering of protection.

“Christian, are you doing your homework?” His foster mother asked him.

“I don’t have any tonight mom.” Christian said as he curled up on the twin bed in his small room.

“Are you okay?” She said as she stood in his doorway.

“Yeah mom I’m fine, just cold is all.”

He rolled over and looked at her. She was beautiful to him. She had soft brown hair that hung past her shoulders. Her eyes were a dull brown and her face was plain. She never wore makeup or fancy clothes. There was not enough money for trivial things she always said.

In her own way she loved him. Christian knew that in his heart. She had taken him and Anna in almost a year ago. It was a foster home, but to Christian it was security.

She walked over to the bed and kissed his forehead. “I will turn the heat up, and dinner is almost ready.”

“Thanks mom, I will be down in a few minutes.”

Christian reached over and grabbed his blanket; he lay back down and closed his eyes.

Seth and Samuel stood in the corner watching him. Samuel looked out the window. “They will wait for him to leave the house.” He said watching the eyes darting in and out of their hiding places.

“I know that was a close call.” Seth said in frustration. “Why do they want Christian? He can’t be a threat to them at this age. I was careless in thinking they wouldn’t notice him until he got older.” He sat on the bed with one wing over Christian’s leg.
Just then all three of them heard muffled crying coming from outside the bedroom.

Christian quickly sat up letting the blanket fall to the floor; he got to his feet and quietly walked down the hall to Anna’s bedroom. Seth and Samuel looked at each other and followed him. Christian stood out side her door listening. He nervously placed a small hand on the door knob and turned it. Opening the door just enough to peek in with out Anna seeing him.

Seth noticed the tremor run through Christian’s body, “Go to her.” Seth said in a gentle voice. Christian quietly pushed the door open and walked in. He closed the door behind him and walked over to Anna’s bed.

“What are you doing here?” A small demon named Pain, hissed at them.

“We go where Christian goes.” Samuel said. “We think it’s time you left; and we don’t want you in the same room with Christian.”

Pain turned and skittered back to where Anna sat with her knees up against her chest. “I don’t have to leave, she is mine. I live here, besides you are a guardian, you can’t do anything about it.” He looked at Seth and Samuel with a crooked grin, and then began flicking his forked tongue in and out.

Bri sadly looked at Anna, as her guardian she could not make Pain leave either. Anna had the free will to allow the demon to stay. She then looked at Samuel, raised one eye brow and let a small smile play on her face. She nodded to him and stepped back to where Seth was standing.

Samuel whipped his sword out from beneath his cloak and stepped towards Pain. “I am not what you think me to be. A guardian may not make you leave, but I can!”

“Don’t you move!” said the demon. “Don’t you come one step closer to me?”

Samuel unfurled his wings, blocking Christian and Anna from the demon’s view. He didn’t speak, but just looked at this slimy creature yelling at him. He moved his sword to rest on Pain’s shoulder.
“I’ll go, I’ll go,” Pain said under his breath. “But I will return to her.”

“Not while we are in this room you won’t!” Samuel said as he used the broad side of his sword as a bat, and sent the demon hurling through the wall and out of the room.

With Pain now out of the way, the three angels moved to the side to watch as Christian slowly moved to where Anna sat. He reached down and touched her arm. He could see the fresh cuts and many scars from previous attempts to ease her pain. “Get out of here, leave me alone Christian!” She flinched as he touched her.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself Anna; it only gives your pain more power over you. It won’t make it go away.”

“What do you care? You live in your own fantasy world; you have no clue what I do.”

“I watch you; you are always angry, angry over everything. I see what you put yourself through.”

“So, what I do is no business of yours.” Anna moved her arm away and put it around her knees.

Christian closed his eyes and Anna watched as his lips started moving silently.

“Don’t pray for me Christian; I don’t need your help!”

Christian didn’t stop. His body started to tremble as his lips continued to speak. He reached out and placed one hand on Anna’s knee. The touch caused her to jerk away. She could feel a jolt of electricity flow through her knee and up to her chest.

Christian fell to his knee’s and continued to speak; only now she could hear words, but they weren’t in English. He was speaking in a different language. “Stop it!” She screamed at him.

Bri took advantage of this moment and quickly went to Anna. She wrapped her arms around her and held her tightly. Because of Pain she had not been able to do this.

Anna put her head on her lap and let the tears fall, “What was she feeling?” She willed herself to stop crying, but the tears continued to flow.

Seth watched as Christian shared his gift for the first time. Samuel could only stare at what was unfolding before his eyes. The room became bright, as a circular globe, the size of a car tire moved like a tennis ball back and forth across the room. Spraying charges of light in all directions. As Christian continued, the globe became brighter and brighter, until light was spilling out of every crack in the room.

The demons that were hiding outside saw the light come out of the house like rockets shooting out in all directions. One blast of light hit a demon and in an instant the demon’s body exploded. They rest of them did not stay around to see more. They knew who and what this was. The air became thick as every black wing took flight.
Last edited by Kim on Fri Nov 30, 2007 9:30 pm, edited 14 times in total.
  





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Thu Nov 01, 2007 5:51 pm
hummingbird says...



Wow, your story is written with so much thought. It truly does keep the reader wanting more. I am looking forward to chapter 6.

Hummingbird
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Fri Nov 02, 2007 7:55 pm
EnchantressMuffin says...



Shouldn't you have posted this in the Literary forums? This isn't exactly an activity...

*flags down a mod*
  





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Fri Nov 02, 2007 10:30 pm
Kim says...



i guess i am not sure where i should have posted this. I am sorry if i put it in the wrong place. Thank you for letting me know. I appreciate it.
thanks for reading it. :D

kim
Last edited by Kim on Sun Nov 04, 2007 4:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Sun Nov 04, 2007 3:12 pm
xhalcyonx128 says...



good job at continuing this, but there are a few things you need to clear up.

first of all, from ur first few chapters the reader gets the impression that Christian is dead. 2nd of all, i got the impression that Aaron WAS the higher official. also he sounded more like a tough guy in the 1st few chapters, and in chapter 4 (or 5) he sounds like a rebellious teenager.

also go back and double check for grammer and punctuation mistakes.

but all in all this is a very good job, keep going with it.

you're Christian i can see, what denomination?
  





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Sun Nov 04, 2007 3:59 pm
Meep says...



Kim, if you are enjoying writing this, you should keep writing this. That's what matters. If you don't think it's very good, then that's just fine - you can always go back and edit later.

(Real review coming after I've had breakfast.)

---

Kim wrote:[s]Fall finally made its entrance[/s]It was finally autumn; [s]with[/s] the trees [s]letting go of[/s] shedding their leaves as if they knew [s]the leaves[/s] they were no longer needed [s]for beauty[/s].


Kim wrote:It was one of the few times his footsteps made a sound as he walked and tonight he purposely let his feet touch ground, just so he could hear the leaves crackle under his steps.

Is this meant to imply that Seth's feet don't usually touch the ground?

Kim wrote:He ran his fingers through his long, golden hair[s],[/s]. What was it? There is always a purpose[s],[/s]. [s]ALWAYS![/s] Always. Why was this one kept from him? He continued to [s]walk slowly[/s] pace as he willed his mind to match his footsteps, but his mind would not slow to the pace.


Kim wrote:Seth steadfastly guarded Christian, who [s]now[/s] had recently celebrated his tenth birthday.


Kim wrote:Seth did not see the black, boney arm with long, pointed fingernails striking out and making him fall to the ground.


Kim wrote:Seth stayed where he fell [s]unable to find the energy to get up, neither did he have the will.[/s], [b]finding he had neither the energy nor the wil to get up.



Kim wrote:All he could feel right now was sadness so deep, it cut through his soul. Only one other time did he feel this way and it was two thousand years ago, this feeling of helplessness was not something Seth was accustomed to.

Ah, so I'm guessing his feet really don't touch the ground - he's an angel, ne?
If that is the case, is "Seth" really an appropriately angelic name? (*angelology geek*)

Kim wrote:Aronn drew his sword[s],[/s] because something did not feel right. [s]Does[/s] To [s]he[/s] stay in place, or show himself[s].[/s]?


Kim wrote:His orders were to protect Seth [s]but to do it[/s] without being seen. His skin crawled as the demon moved beneath him[s],[/s]. It didn’t look up; its red eyes focused only on Seth.[/s]

Kim wrote:Anger welled up in him[s],[/s][/b].[/b] Who was being so careless[s]![/s]?


Well, I only got through chapter one - for which I apologize, but I do have homework to be doing. Sorry this is so late, also. It was way, way after breakfast. :P

Anyway, I like where this is going except for one thing: your angels' names aren't very ... angel-y. Maybe it's just me, but I love angel lore and "Seth" and "Aronn" aren't really very angelic. I'm not saying they should be Gabriel/Michael/Raphael, &c. - but there are loads of other, under appreciated angels or at least vaguely anglic-sounding names. (You could probably get away with anything Biblical, or that ends in -iel/-ael, or that has "God" somewhere in the meaning.)
...it could also just be that I am a nitpicky angel geek, though, so it's really up to you. (*meep*)

Definitely keep writing, though! This is a great first-time first draft (though your chapters could be longer).
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Mon Nov 05, 2007 4:54 am
Kim says...



thank you so much for the time you put in. wow. i appreciate it so much. i will definately take your advice. and make some changes. again thank you

kim
  





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Mon Nov 05, 2007 5:11 am
lyrical_sunshine says...



hey have you read "Piercing the Darkness" or "This Present Darknes"? that's kinda what it reminds me of.

i've only read chapter 1 so far, but it's good, i like the humanity you've given to the angels and demons.
“We’re still here,” he says, his voice cold, his hands shaking. “We know how to be invisible, how to play dead. But at the end of the day, we are still here.” ~Dax

Teacher: "What do we do with adjectives in Spanish?"
S: "We eat them!"
  





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Wed Nov 14, 2007 6:44 pm
Stori says...



The first two words I thought about this were "Oh, wow." It's a great idea.

And it seems we have a new genre to write in: "angleic fiction."

I'll finish reading this and give you a review. Keep it up!
"The one thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart."
Miles Vorkosigan

"You can be an author if you learn to paint pictures with words."
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Wed Nov 14, 2007 6:49 pm
Jennafina says...



Moved to Fantasy Fiction. :)
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Sun Nov 18, 2007 12:38 am
xhalcyonx128 says...



in regards to chapter 9: i enjoyed how you brought aspects of the real life to this fantasy story, it ties in well.

"He still has not signed over the deed for the land the church is located on" id go back and erase "the church is located on" by saying he is a pastor and talking about his congregation you are implying he is selling his church.

just go back and check for small things like that, but i love how the story is progressing.
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Sun Nov 18, 2007 4:32 am
Kim says...



thanks, i will go back and edit. i appreciate it.
  





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Tue Nov 27, 2007 3:48 am
xyberangel says...



ops, i read half then saw this, The storys' great, and intersting to read, so keep writing, I'm looking forward to the next chapters

xFlora ^^
  





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Tue Nov 27, 2007 4:04 am
xyberangel says...



ops, i read half then saw this, The storys' great, and intersting to read, so keep writing, I'm looking forward to the next chapters

xFlora ^^
  





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Fri Nov 30, 2007 9:32 pm
Kim says...



thank you angel, i appreciate it so much.

kim
  








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