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Chapter 3 W is a Police Officer (Part One)



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Fri Sep 16, 2011 2:24 am
Deathcurrent says...



Chapter 3
W The Police Officer

I blinked sleepily. Coming out of collecting was like sleeping for one day straight, even though I hadn’t slept at all. Usually I felt rested, today was different. I was groggy, and felt like I was coming down with the flu. I sat up, slowly so the room wouldn’t start to do the Twist. Looking around I saw Nate leaving my room. He had frozen in the doorway.
My eyes narrowed with suspicion, “Nate, what are you doing in my room?”
He turned to look at me, “I was just checking on you. Now I can go tell Sarah and W that you’re awake.” Shrugging as if it wasn’t a big deal, he walked out.
I grimaced. My head felt as if it had been hit by a train, and I had an idea of how that felt. Thanos was even silent for fear of what that might do to the pain factor. I rose, than made my way towards the bathroom. A hot bath will help, I thought. Before I reached the bathroom though, Sarah came into the room. Slamming the door in her wake, she didn’t seem to see me wince from the sound. She looked as if she had a weight taken off of her shoulders. Walter must not have woken yet. There would have been less sparks coming off of her hair if he was awake. Sarah’s hair sometimes sparked when she was stressed out and worried.
“You’re up. Good, I was worried. I’ve bought a new coffee table to replace the other one, and then worried about you and Walter. Are you okay?” Sarah asked, concern coming over her face, now that she realized that I was rubbing my temples in hope that it would ease the pain.
“No.” I said, shaking my head slowly, “I have a killer headache. I’ve never had one upon returning. Nate was in my room though, did he tell you I was awake or were you just popping in?” Warning: Suspicion Showing.
“He told me. You taking a bath?”
“No.” I said, changing my mind to the steam room at the last second. “I’m going to the steam room. You know how water usually helps calm me down and heal me in any of its forms.”
“Want me to speed up the heating process?”
“Please and thank you. I don’t want to have to wait. Thanos is even afraid to talk for fear of shoving a metaphorical knife through my head.”
Sarah winced in sympathy, “Ouch, you coming down with the naiad version of the flu?”
“It’s a possibility.”
Sarah led the way into the bathroom and started up the steam room. Choosing a eucalyptus scent. She went in and sped up the process even more. When it was done, we both went in. We’d changed into our swim suits and grabbed towels. I looked at Sarah, she looked as bad as I felt. W must have grilled her hard, that was bad. It meant that I was going to get a similar questioning. That wasn’t something that I was looking forward to. The eucalyptus scent started to kick in, easing the pain slightly. I glanced at Sarah, noticing that her eyes had slid closed and that worry still lined her face.
“You look as bad as I feel. Did you get hit by a bus while buying the coffee table?”
A smile spread across Sarah’s face, “No, but I almost got hit by an old lady with a cart and a handbag.”
I started laughing, even though it hurt my head. “You did not! I bet it was a little girl.”
Sarah opened her eyes and did a joking shrug. “Both actually. Don’t underestimate little old ladies, and even littler girls. They pack a punch, especially the old ladies. They sure no how to swing those handbags of theirs.”
“Didn’t you ever notice what an assortment of items they have in their bags? I mean, I ran into this old lady once that had her passport, and some bubble wrap in her bag. Who keeps that in there anyway?”
Sarah did another shrug, “Maybe she thought she’d need it to go to the airport or that she’d have to package something breakable? Hey, you never know.”
Sarah and I continued our odd conversation about little old ladies and what was in their handbags. At some point in the conversation, my headache had fled and Thanos was back to whispering promises that made me blush if I thought about them too much. His voice deep with an English cadence, and he spoke his promises slow, knowing it was harder for me to ignore them when he did. Though his voice is lulling and beautiful to me, to Sarah...well, she and Thanos didn’t get along sometimes. Sarah thought he was a bit creepy ever now and then. I knew thanks to a little shadow bird, if you get my drift. I knew Sarah was taking a peek into our mind connection. I took a second to consider warning her, now was not a time to be looking into my head. My shields were down and everything was wide open. I was unable to close them, lucky me. I settled on not warning her about Thanos and his thrilling, for me, promises. Watching Sarah’s reactions when she peeked at the wrong moments were priceless. They were always camera worthy. Too bad I never had a camera. I watched Sarah’s face go redder and her eyes widen.
I was laughing too hard to tell Thanos one word. I nearly fell off the bench before I stifled my laughter with my towel. He heard though, “Tell Sarah that maybe she should stay out of the connection when your guards are down. Then, she wouldn’t have to worry about this.” He sounded annoyed, smug, and frustrated at the same time. Mainly smug with a hint of frustration.
Last edited by Deathcurrent on Fri Sep 16, 2011 2:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
“Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.” -- Spock from Star Trek

"There's power in stories. That's all history is: the best tales. The ones that last. Might as well be mine."-- Varric Tethras from Dragon Age II
  





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Fri Sep 16, 2011 2:26 am
Deathcurrent says...



I'm looking for a new name for "W". If you have a suggestion, post it on my wall, PM me, or write it in your review. The rest of chapter 3 is here: topic87769.html

THANKS!
Deathcurrent
“Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.” -- Spock from Star Trek

"There's power in stories. That's all history is: the best tales. The ones that last. Might as well be mine."-- Varric Tethras from Dragon Age II
  





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Sun Sep 25, 2011 6:51 am
joshuapaul says...



Deathcurrent wrote:
I blinked sleepily.


Too weak to start a chapter, scrap it and start with the next line.

Coming out of collecting was like sleeping for one day straight, even though I hadn’t slept at all. Usually I felt rested, today was different. I was groggy, andfelt like I was coming down with the flu. I sat up, slowly so the room wouldn’t start to do the Twist. Looking around I saw Nate leaving my room. He had frozen in the doorway.


'One day straight' doesn't make sense. It like saying." I ate one sandwich in a row."

My eyes narrowed with suspicion, “Nate, what are you doing in my room?”
He turned to lookat me, “I was just checking on you. Now I can go tell Sarah and W that you’re awake.” Shrugging as if it wasn’t a big deal, he walked out.
I grimaced. My head felt as if it had been hit by a train, and I had an idea of how that felt. Thanos was even silent for fear(awkward) of what that might do to the pain factor. I rose, than madethen made my way towards the bathroom. (italicize thoughts)A hot bath will help, I thought. Before I reached the bathroom though, Sarah came into the room. Slamming the door in her wake, she didn’t seem tosee me wince from the sound. She looked as if she had a weight taken off of her shoulders(cliche). Walter must not have woken yet. There would have been less sparks coming off of her hair if he was awake. Sarah’s hair sometimes sparked when she was stressed out and worried.


Okay I will review the next chapter and sum up the issues there.
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Thu Oct 20, 2011 2:48 am
ShadowComet says...



Hi Deathcurrent,

I found the this part of the chapter funny and very foreshadowing. My favorite part of the chapter was the conversation with Sarah.
A smile spread across Sarah’s face, “No, but I almost got hit by an old lady with a cart and a handbag.”
I started laughing, even though it hurt my head. “You did not! I bet it was a little girl.”
Sarah opened her eyes and did a joking shrug. “Both actually. Don’t underestimate little old ladies, and even littler girls. They pack a punch, especially the old ladies. They sure no how to swing those handbags of theirs.”
“Didn’t you ever notice what an assortment of items they have in their bags? I mean, I ran into this old lady once that had her passport, and some bubble wrap in her bag. Who keeps that in there anyway?”
Sarah did another shrug, “Maybe she thought she’d need it to go to the airport or that she’d have to package something breakable? Hey, you never know.”
Sarah and I continued our odd conversation about little old ladies and what was in their handbags.

I for one, agree with what Sarah said. Maybe she had something she had to ship back home that was delicate. The part about the bubble wrap should be, in my opinion, like " ...I ran into this one lady once that had her passport...and bubble wrap in her bag."
Or you could add some more items to the list such as lotion, a book, etc.

I hope this review helps

ShadowComet
" Everybody dies. Thats just the way it is."-George from Dead Like Me
  








It’s not unorthodox, I thought it was beautiful.
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