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Young Writers Society


Untitled, but the working title is Last of the Great Races



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14 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 14
Sun Aug 14, 2005 1:09 am
bard_of_life says...



Hey all, plz crit!!!

Chap 1 (most of it)

It was a crisp autumn midnight, and the Graye Ponye’s business was just as crisp. The bar was full, and the last cask of Red mead wine was fast draining. At the tables, there were several card games and a number of arm wrestling matches under way, surrounded by overenthusiastic fans.

The bar was a little quieter, mostly because its occupants were too drunk to make out a coherent sentence, much less try. The barkeep and tavern master, a hag named Ahrna, was deep in conversation with a heavily hooded and shawled figure who was drinking ale, spluttering government secrets all the while.

“You see, her majesty is quite sure they still exist,” the figure said in a coarse male voice, though it was still softened by the ale in his hand and belly. “She says every day that she sees one just outside her bedroom window, or that it landed in front of her at breakfast. Always the same, ‘the great reptilian thing with those awful green scales,’ she calls it. At least, that’s what I’ve heard.”

Ahrna poured him another full glass making sure he was as drunk as possible before asking her next question. She saw him take a long draft and set down the goblet with a gloved hand, then said it, “Well, sir, do you think that there are, well, dragons still in the countryside?”

Had the room been sober, the effect would have been tumultuous. ‘Dragon’ was a forbidden word in the kingdom of Rhane, and offenders were put up for death immediately. Luckily, though, Ahrna’s mead was the most alcoholic in the whole kingdom.

This obviously was affecting the man at the bar, who after a third long drink said simply, “Yes.”

Ahrna stared back, unawares of the overflowing goblet she was still filling or the wood elf halfway down the bar banging his friends empty cup on the table to get her attention.

“Oy!” the elf cried, vaulting over the bar. He grabbed the goblet out of her hand, and replaced it with his friends. She filled it, and he walked away, set down the drinks, and vaulted back over the bar.

Neither Ahrna nor the man were troubled by this, so they kept up their conversation as if nothing had happened, Ahrna saying softly, “How do you know?”

The man took a deep sigh, followed by a fourth and final drink. His yellow eyes, the only visible part of his entire body, looked sadly at the empty cup. “My dear madam, how could I not?” he said, grasping a shawl dangling from the side of his head. He pulled, and his entire face slid into view.

His face was covered in green scales the size of dessert plates. They glinted in the candlelight, causing fantastic shapes to dance across the wall. “My dear madam, I apologize greatly for what I am about to do,” he said, and looked the hapless tavernmaster straight into the eyes. She froze, and a marble color started to inch up her face.

As the other people in the tavern began to notice, the crowd began to sober up. Quickly. The dragon figured that was enough, and he darted across the room and out the door of the smoky tavern before anyone could move to catch him.

With a head start over every drunken customer in the bar, he rushed to the stables. He slammed the door shut, bolted it, and looked around. There was only a stable boy, but time was running out. He was, after all the only one there.

“Boy,” he asked, “can I trust you?”

The stable boy looked at him bemusedly, and then said quietly, “Sir, according to me, most definitely; the thing is, most people, especially your kind, don’t trust vampires.”

The dragon stared at him, then almost laughed. Then he saw the fangs hanging just outside of the boy’s lower lip. So that’s why he wasn’t afraid of me, he thought, vampires aren’t affected by our powers.

There was a banging on the door at that moment, and the stable boy’s eyes showed a sudden terror. “Sir,” he said, “that will be Ms Ahrna, please let her in; she’ll beat me if you don’t.”

“My boy,” said the dragon with a genial smile, “I’m afraid that the old hag isn’t around to beat you anymore.”

“Thank you so very much sir, how can I ever repay you,” the boy beamed, ready to throw his life on the line in repayment of this kindness. He had no idea that that was exactly what the dragon intended him to do.

“All I ask of you is to take this and guard it with all of your strength. The item contained in this parcel is the only thing that could ever save this kingdom,” said the dragon, handing over a round lump from an inside pocket.
WHERE THE HELL IS MY MUSE???
  





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665 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 6165
Reviews: 665
Sun Aug 14, 2005 1:43 am
Chevy says...



Well, I'm not really one for fantasy but this one was very subtle...it didn't just scream out at you "Hey look at me! I'm fantasy fiction!!!"
It flowed very well, and you really did a great job with keeping me on the edge of my seat...the story remained intriguing. Anyway, as for being the very first thing I have ever read by you, I would give it five stars out of five. But there's one small problem...this can't be the end!!!

Good Job
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.
  





User avatar
14 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 14
Sun Aug 14, 2005 1:46 am
bard_of_life says...



Ya, its not even the full chapter lol
WHERE THE HELL IS MY MUSE???
  








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