The Wanderings Part 1 (so far)

Moop. What happened to my other story thread? O.o

I found this story very enjoyable to read. Next time, could you separate your story into paragraphs? That makes it a lot easier to read.
I had fun reading yours so please read mine!

It was supposed to be seperated into paragraphs, oh well, thanks for the comment, i'll read your story now

Ahhh!

I'll read this once it's in paragraphs.

There we go, thats how its supposed to be, remind me, NEVER USE THE 'Pre' BUTTON EVER AGAIN!

Its a really good story. I've read it alot.

General edits:

Wyes walk along the path.

Wyes walked along the path.

A storm was brewing over him

Hmm...'over' doesn't seem the right preposition here...I think perhaps 'above' would be better..so that would be "A storm was brewing above him".

The rain was beginning to come down so Wyes pulled his hood down, lightning streaked across the gloomy gray sky, it struck the nearby tree creating a flash which silhouetted him against the illuminated night sky.

The first comma should be a semi-colon...."The rain was beginning to come down so Wyes pulled his hood down; lightning streaked..." My suggestion would be to break this into two seperate sentences anyway. Also, you used "sky" twice in the sentence. Repetition withint a sentence is not a good thing unless it is purposeful, which in this context, it was not. Change one of them to something else.

He searched the surroundings, he noticed light seeping through the forest ahead.

There's no need for two pronouns in this sentence, as you have already established who the subject is. Change it to, "He searched the surroundings, and noticed light seeping through the forest ahead." The other problem I have with this sentence is it's lack of descriptive adverbs. You're not painting the picture well enough - because you began the story with no descriptive backdrop of the surrounding area, we are left hopelessly bereft of any knowledge of where the character is. Some description is badly needed in this first paragraph. Try and insert some of your sentences with a few more adjectives and adverbs and prepositions...e.g. "and noticed light seeping through the nearby forest, which was usually dark." Bad example, but you should get my point.

By the looks of it must have been a small town, he started towards the light

And how does this character make such a intelligent deduction? You gave us no information about the lights beforehand! Perhaps if you've described the lights as "like far-off swinging latterns dispersed in a variety of directions," the reader may have some sort of clue that this would be his assumption. It seems a little unlikely otherwise that Wyes would know this. Also, you seem to have missed some words in the clause after the comma, as it is confusing. I think it should be "and so he started towards the light."

The wind was picking up and things were being blown off the ground, Wyes began to run

You have put the most important part of the sentence at the end, which makes it difficult to read. I think you should re-arrange it - "Wyes began to run as the wind picked up and objects were thrown across his path," is an example.

Lightning was striking the trees all around him, he was sprinting. Everything went black…

I think you should add something in about his life being in danger, otherwise no tension is built up. Something akin to "Lightning was viciously striking the trees all around him, and he was sprinting for his life." Also, you end this paragraph far too soon. Add in a few extra sentences before the second sentence "Everything went black."

Here's an example - "Lightning was viciousl striking the trees all around him, and he was literally sprinting for his life. As he darted left and right, a burnt tree trunk was threwn just behind his back, and he breathed a quick sigh of relief. But the danger wasn't over - the storm wasn't finished with him. Incandescent flashes streaked just ahead and the ground exploded in front of him. Everything went black..."

I don't usually re-write people's writing for them, but I thought you might need some suggestions to work on.

Okay, that was the first paragraph, lol. I'll do some more when I have the time.

General issues are lack of adverbs and descriptive sentences.

Thanks for the help for that first part, there should be less mistakes further through the story because it was written over a long period of time in which my writing skills developed more

Thanks for the help

~~Shadow~Knight~~

This is general and quick, but Firestarter hit most of it:

I, personally, would refrain from starting with the date, place, or time. I think it slows everything down, and the reader should be able to pick up on what time frame it is.

Just implement it into the story.

Most of your sentences are really choppy. My suggestion is to read over your sentences right after you write them, and judge how repetitive or how much sense it makes. Especially that first sentence; it makes the reader cringe if you have a mistake in it or if it doesn't make sense.

A lot of problems are within the dialouge, too. It seems way too fast-paced and unrealistic, and you rarely put puncutation in. Periods DO belong at the end of statements. Most of it lacked commas, also.

Something else that bugged me is that the dialouge ALWAYS started with "Hi, I'm ...."
or "Hi Wyes" or it lacked a comma and went "hi I'm ..."

See the problems here? It seems like they are just greeting each other and leaving.

Mainly, it's just way too choppy. Please read it over and make it flow better. I really lost interest.

Sure i have no problems with that, also, i won't be posting any more of this story until i finish part 1, or showing what i have edited, it can be time consuming. I have also found that most people believe that you shouldn't edit your stories until after you have finished them. Other than that, thanks everyone.

~~Shadow~Knight~~

hm i would say everything went blank or something...but its your story lol

Good work.

I'm not going to go into as much detail as some people, and that would be pointless as I've already told you about the spelling errors I found when you emailed it to me. Oh Well.

This story was very good. You've certainly got talent!! YEAHHH!!!!

Oh, thanks for the comments people, thank you all. I'll try and finish this soon so you can read the rest

I've read the first bit and its really good. I have school to go to so I'll comment after I get back! I really can't wait to read the rest!