Well this story is certainly going somewhere, and its going a break-neck speed. I liked it, the story was interesting, i could get to like Wyes the more i get to know of him. I also like the idea, i can't tell where its going but i like where it's been if you see what i mean.
Right, now to the serious stuff. GRAMMER. Please use some full stops, i could point out all the occasions when i had to read back to see if i could keep up with the story, you've got the comma sorted but break up some of the longer sentances.
I know it does not often take much, but the start confused me and its the only thing that really bugged me throughout the whole story. This is the bit i mean
[quote]Wyes saw his parents ‘how can this be’ he thought to himself. He reached out to touch his mother, she just smiled and faded into nothingness .He turned to his father, he also faded, and everything went black. He saw a house, his house, the door was left open which was unusual for his family to leave the door open like that. Everything became hazy then came into focus, he was inside he heard screaming his mother came into view, a man was chasing after her. He ran to help her but he couldn’t move there seemed to be an invisible barrier that had formed between him and his mother. The man stabbed her in the back Wyes screamed out in protest but nothing came out. His father ran in with an axe in his hand and tried to cut the man with it. However, the man was to fast for his father. The man came up from under him and shoved his dagger up into his father’s lung, his father staggered and managed to slice the man down one side of his face. Then his father collapsed next to his wife. The image changed. Wyes saw himself holding a dagger walking along a long winding road that led to rugged snow capped mountains. Wyes knew what he was looking at, he was seeing himself a week after his parents murder. He became a social outcast no one even knew he existed. He trekked up to the mountains were he disappeared of the face of the planet for five years. Then he reappeared when he was sixteen skilled in Archery and Swordsmanship, this was a year ago.
Wyes woke from the dream but kept his eyes shut, he heard the wind howling[/quote]
I thougt this was a dream, it starts as a dream and you say it finishes as a dream when Wyes wakes up from the dream. But in the middle you say about him being a social outcast and wandering of to the mountains coming back when he's 16. That does not fitt in with a dream, the rest of the story says this actually happened, that after his parents were murdered he went of to the mountains, but its written in a dream, which made me confussed. If its going to work, you need to explain that he's 16, been to the mountains first, then explain the reason, ie, his parents murder. That would honestly make it easier to follow.
The rest is pretty good, the story's going somewhere, sort out the grammer and its going to be a really good read.
Looking forward to the next part. Keep writing
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience
Well, you seem to have loads of reviews on this already, but since i read it i will say my peice
Ok, i wont point out mistakes now as that has already been done, but i really loved this. I agree with Fool on the dream bit but other than that well done this is really good stuff!
Just for all you folks that've been posting here... This is my old, OLD story. I wrote this when I was 13... I'm now 15, The Wanderings (v2) is my current project.
Cause i'm a one man,
I'm a one man,
I'm a one man,
I'm a one man revolution.
