Young Writers Society

I froze and stumbled around for the right words, “Uh..um…er…well..”

“Well?” Cedric questioned expectantly.

What was I supposed to say? Voldemort told me so? Lucky guess? Come on Trista, think of something!

“Well, I saw the goblet start to light up again while Dumbledore was concluding the ceremony,” There, that’s something. Maybe he’ll buy that.
He stared at me for a moment, thinking about what I said carefully. I started to worry as the seconds flew by, but he then straightened up and confirmed, “Well that makes more sense then anything else I was thinking.”

I sighed a breath of relief, “What were you thinking?”

He grinned embarrassingly, “Oh you know…that you’re like Professor Trelawney or something.”

“So…you think I’m crazy?” I joked while we turned to walk out of the Great Hall with the crowd.

“Yes, yes I do,” Cedric smiled. “So what class do you have next?”

I paused and tried to recall where I was going before taking the detour to the goblet ceremony. Then I remembered my first real encounter with Harry Potter, when he had no idea he was going to be chosen as a Tri-Wizard Champion…and I did. I felt like some sort of stalker because I knew Voldemort’s plans for him in the future…

“Trista?” I shook back to reality and gazed up at Cedric’s beautiful face.

“Oops sorry, kind of spaced for a second…” I quickly gathered myself and continued. “I have Herbology next.”

“Okay, might I say, you look adorable when you space,” Cedric teased as my cheeks grew red. “May I ask what you were thinking so deeply about?”

My mind froze, I wanted to tell him everything, but I stopped mid-word leaving my mouth gaping open. I probably looked like a complete git, but decided to tell some of the truth, “Harry Potter…”

“Oh,” Cedric’s eyes fell and he turned to face forward. “What about him?”

“I ran into him on the way to Herbology, literally. We fell down and everything.” I love how I made myself sound like such a loser around Cedric every single time we talked. I continued, hopefully able to change his assumption, “It lead me to think about the Goblet incident.”

Relief seemed to conquer his expression and his knowing smile finally returned to his face, “Ah, so did you both ‘fall’ in love?”

“Cedric!” I blushed again. “No!”

We both started to laugh and as we turned the corner we realized it was time to go our separate ways to class.

“Well, I better be going,” Cedric faced me. His stare seemed to pierce through my soul and reveal my deepest secrets. I shivered at the thought of him discovering who I really was: a mere servant of the Dark Lord.

Before I had the ability to say goodbye Cedric’s posse finally caught up to him and began to steal him away, “I’ll see you later!” He called through the swarm of continuous congratulations. I waved and turned away to finally head to my next class.


“Please chop three sickweeds and place them in your cauldron. Stir three times clockwise,” Professor Snape instructed menacingly.

I sighed and followed his instructions, chopping the slimy sickweeds into tiny pieces. When I dumped the remains into my steaming cauldron, the room began to fill with black smoke, nearly suffocating me. I might as well been blind, for I couldn’t even see my hand in front of my face.

“Professor Snape! Something’s wrong!” I shouted hopelessly, trying to feel my way around the classroom. For some reason, nothing was there. I was merely reaching and grasping onto nothing but air.

“Yes. There is something wrong Trista,” a cold, whispering voice filled the room.

“Who is this?” I whimpered, frightened. “Professor Snape?”

“No, this isn’t your dear Potions professor,” the frosty voice continued. The smoke began to clear, revealing a pitch-black room. I still couldn’t make out any sufficient surroundings, and before I could search much longer a shriveled white body approached immediately, only inches from my shocked face.

“M-M-My Lord,” I replied softly.

“Trista, you have not been following my orders,” his weak structure shook in quiet anger. “Your parents would be very disappointed with you. I have not heard any news about Mr. Potter so far.”

I flinched at the mentioning of my parents, imagining their worn faces from years of stressful service to the Dark Lord, “It’s difficult to find Harry Potter, my Lord. You see, we’re in different years and I was placed in Hufflepuff while he’s in Gryffindor…”

“HUFFLEPUFF?!” the Dark Lord screamed with rage. “Why weren’t you sorted into Slytherin like the rest of your family?”

I winced, “I…I’m not sure my Lord.” I of course, was partially lying. I’d never believed I had as much evil in my heart as my parents did. My kindness and loyalty towards others overpowered the small evil characteristic. The only reason I have this quality is simply genetic, I concluded to myself.

I could tell the Dark Lord was ready to speak once more, so I braced myself for the worse.

“I expect a full Potter report by the end of next week. If you don’t succeed to comply, there will be serious consequences. You’re a major part of this mission to regain my strength and power. Try to transfer into some of his classes, talk to the undercover Professor Moody. Do anything and everything in your power to become closer to Mr. Potter.”

“Yes sir,” I replied.

Voldemort began to shrink into the distance and I was suddenly lifted into the air. As soon as I fell back to the floor, my eyes flew open and I found myself sleeping in my bed. I sat up and rubbed my eyes in shock and fear. I trembled reaching for the glass of water on my bed stand. I began to recall the vivid dream, but froze as I was gulping down the cool drink. I nearly spit all over my bed when I came to a sudden realization.

It wasn’t just a dream. Lord Voldemort just threatened to end my life.

Hi! I reviewed the beginning chapters of this earlier and I'm back for more (even if it's been months...). As always, i'm a huge Harry Potter fan and I love fanfics with good plots, as this one seems to be.

“Okay, might I ask, you look adorable when you space,” Cedric teased as my cheeks grew red. “May I ask what you were thinking so deeply about?”

This was probably just a little mistake but the first "might I ask" doesn't lead into a question, which is confusing. Just take that out and you'll be good.

My mind froze, I almost told him everything, but I stopped mid-word leaving my mouth gaping open.

I feel like it's a little bit unrealistic that she would spill so easily. Instead of saying that she almost said everything you could say something like, "I wanted to tell him everything" or go into why she couldn't tell him everything, or even that she couldn't think of a way to tell him what she was thinking about with out giving away Voldemort's plan.

I love how I made myself sound like such a loser around Cedric every single time we talked

This made me laugh. It's such an honest moment

“Ah, so did you both ‘fall’ in love?”

“Cedric!” I blushed again. “Never!”

I can't remember the other chapters exactly, so I can't remember how good of a relationship Trista and Cedric have at this point. That being said, you want to keep in mind their relationship while writing this dialogue. Obviously, they are becoming friends but are they really close enough for him to ask that out right? I think it's fine for him to ask something along those lines but the body language and tone in which he asks her how she feels about Harry should be a little more timid. Also, instead of "never" shouldn't she just say no or like it never even crossed my mind? I don't know, something more realistic. That's my opinion at least.

“V-V-Voldemort,” I replied softly

I'm pretty sure Voldemort would consider it disrespectful to be reffered to by his name by a servant, I think she should say something like "My Lord". Even if she doesn't revere him like other Death Eaters she would still know that she needs to respect him.

All in all, I love the plot line. However, I would love to see a little more description and unique descriptions at that; for characters, for scenarios, etc. Also, you have lots of opportunity to characterize Trista, how she feels about everything she is being put through. How she feels about her family's allegiance to the Dark Lord, her destiny to be responsible for the death of Harry Potter, etc, etc. Great work, though! I really, truly like it.