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The Spirit Vampire - Chapter One



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Wed May 05, 2010 11:14 pm
austenite says...



A shiver ran up my spine as I traced the air in front of me, my right hand mimicking the shape of a rainbow. The air around me was cold, but I didn't mind. The coldness I was used to.

I sighed. "It's not fair," I said aloud, letting my hand fall back into my lap. The still air shuddered in reply.

I stared at my bookshelf for a few minutes, listening to the silence of the house. Charlie, my new foster father, had gone to pick his daughter up from Port Angeles earlier this morning, so I had the small house to myself.

It was something I always anxiously waited for, to be alone in Charlie's house. It was something I always dreaded as well – a moment never lasts a lifetime.

And now, Chief Swan's daughter, Bella, was coming to stay – whether indefinitely I did not know, but I would no longer be alone in the house.

I laughed dryly as I stared at the black spine of George Eliot's Daniel Deronda¸ another shiver running up my spine. I wrapped my arms around myself, tilting my head to one side so that my body was on an angle. If anyone had of walked in at that moment, it would look not only odd, but uncomfortable. As odd as it may be, it was not, nor would ever be, uncomfortable.

I can't remember how long I stayed like that for – minutes, maybe hours. A car door slamming brought me out of my reverie.

I quickly hopped off the bed, peering out of the window as another door slammed. Charlie was pulling a suitcase out of the back of the police car, and a head with long brown hair was making its way to the door – Bella.

I could hear the murmurs of their chatter through the window, and I moved away, heading for the door. I placed a finger to my lips, using my other hand to push the air behind me before shutting the door behind me – a fruitless attempt, but it had to be done anyhow.

I met Charlie and Bella on at the edge of the stairs. I hovered on the bottom step, not quite sure what to say or do, nervously biting my lip. I felt like an intruder.

"Ally - there you are. This is my daughter Bella. Bella, this is Ally." I smiled at how uncomfortable Charlie was at this introduction.

It was just like him. "Ally's staying with us for a while, just until the agency in Seattle can find a new foster home for her." My stomach curled, and I felt my face darken at the thought of another new home.

I closed my eyes for less than a second, recomposing myself.

I stuck out my hand.

"Hi Bella, it's so nice to finally meet you. You should hear Charlie rabbit on about you. Never stops." I grinned, Bella laughed nervously and Charlie went red in the face.

The ice was broken.

Literally, I thought, as something cold ran across my back.

"Why don't you show Bella to her room Ally? There's a game on and I…"

I smiled. "No problem Charlie."

Turning, I pushed through the stairs until I was standing in the doorway of Bella's bedroom.

"This is your room – but of course you know that," I joked, opening the door for Bella. She smiled shyly, moving into her old room.

I stepped into the doorway behind her as she stood in the middle of the room, fingering the blanket that lay on the bed.

"I'm just going to go – I'll be over there if you need anything," I pointed to the room across the hall. Like Charlie, my needs lay elsewhere. And I didn't want to make anything any more awkward than it already was.

Bella smiled again. "Thanks."

I nodded, heading back to my room across the hall.

Lying down on my bed, I turned my head to the side. You could feel the icy coldness of the air next to me in contrast to the warmth of the bed.

I sighed out loud.

"I hate secrets," I murmured.
Last edited by austenite on Mon May 10, 2010 11:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I will eviscerate you in fiction. Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity.
Chaucer, A Knight's Tale

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.
Oscar Wilde




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Thu May 06, 2010 8:46 pm
fictionfanatic says...



Like Charlie, I my needs lay elsewhere.


I'm not sure if you meant for it to be like or not. If not you might want to fix it. If you meant for it to be like that could you please clarify? I'm not exactly sure what you mean.
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Sat May 08, 2010 4:34 am
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fictionfanatic says...



Hey, you do know there's a fan-fic section right?
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Sat May 08, 2010 7:40 pm
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Celticmusicgirl says...



wow i think you have an interesting story but the thing is i am lost i don't much about Ally. How old is she? hair color? eye color? what secret? you should give some insight ont he characters i am familiar with Charlie and Bella but the thing is I know Ally is supposedly a foster child but that doesn't explain much. just add some detail.
"I my needs lay elsewhere." this doesn't make sense if you intended the sentence to be that way that's alright but i would suggest you clarify. Otherwise great story i want to find out more and it's great to meet another Twilight fan.
I love Edward Cullen!!!
"No life is forever. We found and fought here. We loved and died here... The crops whither and the bones of hunger walk the sunken roads... The land has failed us... In dance and song we gift and mourn our children. They carry us over the ocean in dance and song.
-American Wake by Riverdance




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Mon May 10, 2010 11:22 pm
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austenite says...



fictionfanatic wrote:Hey, you do know there's a fan-fic section right?



Right. Which is why it is the fanfiction novels section, because it is a novella I wrote.

Thank you for all your comments. I've corrected spelling mistakes, and I hope you continue reading. This story, for a while, may confuse you, it may frustrate you, but it is worth reading, trust me!!
I will eviscerate you in fiction. Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity.
Chaucer, A Knight's Tale

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.
Oscar Wilde




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Sun Nov 21, 2010 2:11 pm
Piper says...



Hi, I just have one problem. We knoow nothing about Ally. Her personality isn't really developed, and we have no idea what so ever about what she looks like. Other than thaat, it was great.
Cats are like characters. You may say they're yours, but in reality, they own you. ~Me

You can take away all the arts you want, but soon, the children won't have anything to read or write about. ~Glen Holland




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Tue Nov 22, 2011 4:53 am
sunwater says...



i love it its better then the twilight book. this is so more intesting then watching a girl with depresion problems lol




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Tue Dec 20, 2011 1:59 am
RileyStone says...



Honestly, I had a little trouble following, it just wasn't holding my attention. It's all just very ... blah I guess. Nothing really happened. And as stated above, I feel like I have no idea who Ally is. Character development will be extremely important moving forward. I want to see her personality and I want to be able to see a difference between her and Bella. Two depressed girls living together might not be that exciting.
Besides that I think you're a good writer, I'm interested in seeing where this goes.
Who do I belong to?
Not earth, not world
Not evil, not
mortals
Not wretches, not horrors

-- Project 86







I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice.
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