Young Writers Society

I thought, considering my screen name, that it was expected that I write some Doctor Who stuff. I have done a lot of research into Doctor Who mythology. So for those of you who appreciate the T.V. show...

Dedicated to David Tennant-the best Doctor


I strode through the orange grass listening to the familiar sounds of my home planet. Galifrey was beautiful in the morning. I gazed up at the yellow sky, the scarlet sun burned brightly and reflected of the deep blue leaves of the trees. A shadow fell over me and I turned to gaze at the familiar sight of the Palace of the Timelords, set to rotate with revolution of the planet. This was my planet. Literally. The Timelords, including myself, had formed it out of the dust of the universe ten years ago. Before time. A small group of us, called the Disciples of Light, had created Galifrey, and formed the laws that governed Space, Time, and Matter. We were the masters of all, fearing none, the Timelords.
Someone called my name, awakening me from my brief remembrance. I turned to see the messenger from the Palace bounding towards me.
"The Council of Light requests your presence," he said saluting me as he stooped at me feet.
Of course they do I thought to myself.
"Tell them that I am occupied with more important business at the moment," I said turning.
"But my Lord, Uriel specifically requested your presence."
I sighed, Uriel, the Lord of the Disciples of Light, was the only one with authority to command me.
"All right. You may inform the Council that their request shall be met," I said as a headed towards the Palace.
"Yes my lord," the messenger dipped his head and disappeared, shimmering into golden dust.
The large, golden doors slid silently open as I entered the Palace of the Timelords. All conversation stopped as I strode through the circular room and took my place at Uriel's side.
"You summoned me my Lord?" I asked, surveying the room-full of gathered Timelords. No one met my gaze.
"Yes. It seems that the Freil have reported a breach in Time," Uriel said turning to face me.
I wondered why I had been summoned for such a trivial matter. Breaches in the fabric of Time were not uncommon. The Freil, the large, planet-destroying creatures we had created to patrol Time, were always sending in reports.
"Has the Time Barrier been repaired?" I asked, meeting Uriel's gaze.
"I'm afraid it's not that simple," Uriel shook his head. "The Beast has escaped."
The Beast. When we had created the elements of Time, Space, Matter and Light, the Beast had risen up out of the Void, a light-less, timeless Hell of a place. He had risen up and tried to destroy the Disciples of Light. We had finally defeated him and imprisoned him in a black hole, Geretd 4, and created the planet Scario to block the black hole, imprisoning the Beast, supposedly forever.
"When do we leave?" I asked, rising.
Uriel rose as well, the metal links on his red robe clinking. "Immediately."
We strode to the end of the hall, and opened the Space-Time Vortex. As we entered, I contemplated the future. Either we would defeat the Beast for good, or the Beast would destroy Galifrey, and all of Space and Time.

Woooaaahhh!!

Beasty story!!

You have amazing word choice! I especially loved your opening sentances- "I strode through the orange grass listening to the familiar sounds of my home planet. Galifrey was beautiful in the morning. I gazed up at the yellow sky, the scarlet sun burned brightly and reflected of the deep blue leaves of the trees."

You really put a vivid picture in my mind as I read that!!

Once again, AWESOME word choice!!

The only thing I would fix is conventions. I noticed you had a couple of commas missing, but that's nothing. Great job!!

I award you a pink dancing elephant for a spectacular job!!
*Tay*

You are so cool. xD

I love Doctor Who. One of my favorite TV shows! But I shall not let that get in the way of a fair review.

First, as Bubbles had said already, you have excellent description. The beginning paragraph is beautiful. I remember an episode or two where the Doctor would say how Galifrey was a beautiful place. So with that knowledge, I think you should spend a lot of time describing just how beautiful this place is. It was kind of destroyed before the episodes, so a chance to visit Galifrey is pretty remarkable.

Your MC seems a bit blah. He's boring, really. Now, not everyone can be just like the Doctor, but! You can still give the MC some character. Why is he so important to the Council? Why was he just admiring Galifrey to begin with? What kind of Time Lord is he?

So after that beautiful opening paragraph describing Galifrey, we hardly ever get anymore description. Definitely build on this. (Also, something I never seem to understand, generally speaking: why did the MC tell the messenger to tell the Councel that he was coming when he just started walking to the palace anyway?) Take your time to describe his journey and maybe meet some people! Or if we want to just jump to the palace, don't spend so much time on the journey to the palace but the journey through the palace. Or take some time to explain some more stuff, just make sure you don't keep telling the reader--show them. Memories are awesome-possum.

That's all I got for you! Have fun writing about Doctor Who!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Hi Dr. Who,
I love Doctor who and I can't believe that David has left.
Well on with the review.
I can't see anything wrong with it, but you don't get to know the name of the MC or what type of Time Lord he is, is he like the Master or is he like the Doctor? I especially love the introduction as it paints a really good picture for the reader.
I wish that David hadn't left and I think the new Doctor is a bit crazy Do you agree or am I the only one?
Midnightread

Thanks guys! I live in a small town in KAnsas where no one but me seems to know about Dr. Who so it's nice to meet some fans! If you liked his one, check out the sequel, The Laws of Time Chapter 2: The Beast, which I will be publishing shortly!

P.S. : Midnightread, I have not yet seen the new doctor as I do not get T.V. (sigh, moan groan) I must wait until they come out on D.V.D.

Greetings and sorry for late answer to your request. University has held by attention for the Spring. I believe you have developed a good storyline. Ultimately the only aspects which caught my attention as unusual was the use of "of" versus "off" in

I gazed up at the yellow sky, the scarlet sun burned brightly and reflected of the deep blue leaves of the trees

and the use of "me" versus "my" when you wrote

"The Council of Light requests your presence," he said saluting me as he stooped at me feet.

I loved the amount of detail you used, never forgetting to inform the reader what the characters were doing. The introduction of the Beast near the end of this chapter sealed my interest in reading another chapter, and I hope you continue to write more. You certainly held my attention.

Sincerely,
-Elitehusky

Hallo, I'm here to comment on this story, because I adore Doctor Who and I'm bored. ;P

As aforementioned about 578420570428502 times, this has very good description. I like it, a ton--and it's very obvious you did your research.

This being said, unfortunately, the thing that I liked the less was lack of mystery. You told us everything about the planet, where it came from, the beast, etc. etc...

I don't want to know that the Doctor helped create Gallifrey. I don't want to know how the beast came about. I want it to be a mystery, I want to be wondering how and why its there.

You did a great job considering. Great research, too! I've watched all the David Tennant and Christopher Eccletson ones and I didn't get all the information you did. x[}

Good job!

Love & Blessings,
Aushy

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