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Young Writers Society


|Alex|Tearing Up At The Seams|Gaskarth|01|



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Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:40 pm
shar_shar_says_rawr says...



Veronica swept her newly bleached bangs to the side and parted the rest of her dark hair into two long pigtails. She then changed into her favorite black skinny jeans, the one with a hole above the right knee that she cut on purpose one year ago. She stayed in her "All Time Low" T-shirt her brother told her to wear. She then finished off her look by pairing it with a black low-rise vest,one white sneaker on her left foot,one black sneaker on her right, a crimson bandanna tied on her left leg and some dark eye-makeup with an even coat of light cherry lip gloss on her soft lips .

She was going to her brother Jack's concert well the band he was in, "All Time Low" to be exact. She wasn't only going to watch the show she was being payed to take pictures of them on stage. It was her perfect opportunity to turn her pictures in to one of the biggest music magazine companies. After all, the band was coming to preform in their home-state Maryland after touring for months.She grabbed her car keys and camera set and was off to the venue she hated to go to.

When she arrived the nasty sweat smell greeted her in. She went back stage to meet up with her brother. She feared she'd bump into Alex. She didn't understand why he wouldn't just be his nasty self to all his fans. All the female fans felt head over heels for him. She saw Jack and the rest of All Time Low (including Alex) messing around and being boys.

Before Veronica could look away from his vicious eyes he spotted her.

"Well, well, well look who's here." Alex smirked

she knew her brother would be disappointed if she didn't even join the group to say "hello".

"Shut up Gaskarth." She said clenching her teeth making her way towards Jack who was a couple feet away.

"Can't you guys ever get along?" Jack complained walking to Veronica instead of making her suffer the rest.

He gave his baby sister the tightest hug while waiting for a response from his "impossible" comment.

"No, not until he stops being a douche." She replied

"Hey! You're the one who's bitching." Alex replied

"Alex quite cussing all over the place in front of my sister."

"Oh shut up jack. I'm only one year younger than you are." Veronica snapped

"Someone is grumpy." Alex added

Before Rian and Zack could say their greetings to her. Veronica took the pass from Jack's hand and was off to the crowd taking her camera with her.

Stupid Alex. He's always ruining time with Jack, I hardly get to see him

I can't wait until this night ends

When Veronica was half way through pushing and shoving to the front of the stage that's when girls started to get feisty. Her first thought of the fans were.

I hate their fans, especially those Alex fans.

"YOU CAN'T GO IN FRONT OF ME!" A short blond girl snapped.

"Apparently I can. " Veronica replied showing her V.I.P pass

The girl looked at her with a couple of dirty expressions ,soon her face lit up with a smile.

Veronica was about to make her way further into the front until the girl grabbed the back over her vest.

"Wait!" The girl said pulling her back.

"What?" Veronica grumbled.

"Do you know Alex?" She smiled.

Veronica's mood was pretty nasty at his point.

"Why yes I do." She replied to the girl with a sheepish grin.

"What is he like? Can I meet him?" she asked.

"He's an ass and a total liar and is always trying to get in my pants." she half lied

"Really?" The girls eyes widened

Now, this girl was gullible.Veronica never guessed she'd believe her.

"Yeah."

The girl soon moved letting Veronica move , Veronica really only got good shots of Alex to her disappointment but she knew the magazine company would love it. She took some fair shots of the rest of the members and it was soon time for Veronica's favorite songs. "Jasey Rae" and "Lullabies".

I can't believe he wrote those lyrics.

They're so sweet and sincere.

When the show ended Veronica made her way back at the parking lot near the table where All Time Low was to meet the fans and right at her eyes was the blond girl.

When Jack looked at her he glared and Alex gave his smirk.

She made her way towards them putting on an innocent face.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"I can't believe this V!" Jack yelled at his baby sister.

Veronica tried to fake a cry like she did in her childhood when Jack yelled.

"It's not going to work anymore after all you did say you were only one year younger." He replied

"Fine."

"Why did you tell the girl Alex was a jerk." He asked

"Cause he is one!" Veronica replied

"Well you met hell baby sis cause he will get you back." Jack replied

"Than Let the flames begin ."

Jack sighed "You guys wont ever stop will you?"

"Never will we." she replied leaving

"It was nice seeing you too." Jack sighed again.

Veronica passed Alex's smirks and glances.

"Bring it." He whispered when Veronica's hair whisked against his cheek when she was nudging him while passing.

"Would you guys stop flirting!" Rian joked

With no reply Veronica kicked him hard enough to make him say "Ow" and she raced to her car and drove away as quick as she could.

"Same old Veronica" Alex murmured "Just how I like it." He smiled to himself.
And if my lungs stilll let me breathe, will you be there for me?
  





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Thu Nov 22, 2007 3:08 am
PerforatedxHearts says...



For one thing, you've got numerous grammatical, spelling, and sentence structure mistakes. Run this through Word again, and read this ALL out loud to yourself, mkie? For now, change the grammatical mistakes.

Also, in the very beginning, you give waaay too much description. You started out a typical Quizilla story- not good. Distribute out her characteristics throughout the story- we don't need a sensory overload first thing. Unless it's vital we know her sock color and design, then don't put it.

Next, this has the potential to be very, very, very, very, VERY cliche. Why the band member's sister? Why not a secret stalker, or a really shy person who's never even heard of ATL?

Oh, and lastly?

This kinda belongs in the FANFICTION section.

EDIT: Please keep language contained within stories. ^_^
"Video games don't affect kids. If Pacman had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills, and listening to repetitive electronic music." --anonymous/banner.
  





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Thu Nov 22, 2007 7:30 pm
shar_shar_says_rawr says...



Yeah I do write on Quizilla I've been writing on quizilla for quite a while. And i'm just trying to take advice from other people on describtion I don't want to be all sassy and weird about this but this is really how I like to write and I'm working on grammar I've been told ALOT haha. Thanks for the advice anyways oh and I don't know if I'll get in trouble for this but I lied about my age. So lets say I'm a writer in progress haha. Thanks again...
And if my lungs stilll let me breathe, will you be there for me?
  





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Sun Jul 06, 2008 7:10 pm
DevilsDelight says...



I do like this story, but I agree with PerforatedxHearts.
  





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Sun Jul 06, 2008 7:14 pm
Teague says...



**MOVED** to Fanfiction.

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