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Corruption - Prologue



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Fri Aug 06, 2010 12:31 am
TheAuthor says...



C O R R U P T I O N


Prologue

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Eight people sat at a wooden Renaissance table in a relatively dark room; the only light this room received was from the ceiling fan's dimmed light bulbs. Intricately designed mats sat under eight glasses filled to brim with red wine which were placed in front of each of the eight people. The room was luxuriously decorated with only the finest furniture and a wide-screen plasma TV on a section of the wall a few feet in front of an expensively-leathered sofa that must of cost somewhere around one grand. It was certain that those that sat at the table could not hope to afford anything in the house that they were in, for the awestruck expressions on their faces surely attested to that. It was then that the evidently rich man that owned the house made his appearance in the room and took his seat at the table. He was dressed in an extremely well-cut brown vest and trousers and underneath the vest was a partially concealed red long-sleeve buttoned shirt. Upon taking a glance at the man's fairly wrinkled face and gray hair, one would assume that he was around his early fifties, but, in truth, he was only forty-one. It was his old, wealthy appearance that struck authority and respect in others whenever approached by him, and the man used that to his advantage every single time. But, in this case, that appearance would not assist him at all, for not even his wealth and respect could earn him the acceptance of the bold, drastic move he wished to make. Silence smothered the room for the entire duration of the man's arrival, but he shattered it with his deep, bellowing voice and thus began the discussion.

"As you all know, the school is beginning to crumble before our eyes. We are left with a scarce amount of options and they are all temporary. That is why I selected you eight for this special faculty meeting in my very own house." He said, ending the sentence with a flourish as he uttered the word 'house'. He received many glares upon saying this, for many of those at the table believed that the meeting was taking place in his home just for the sake of showing it off. Sensing this sudden malice, the man continued speaking.

"Thus, I've taken it upon myself to construct a plan that I feel should definitely prove beneficiary to our quest to rid the school of it's viole--" The man was cut off by a woman at the other end of the table.

"Why don't we just call the police? They would understand the issue and I believe that they'd get rid of the troublemakers and send 'em to juvie immediately. That way, we won't have to get our hands dirty." The woman's normally timid voice sounded strong and sturdy for a change, and some of the others at the table gave approving gestures and expressions as she spoke.

"Do you know what will happen if we request the police's assistance?" That question instantly silenced the table. Scowling at the ignorance of the people before him, he answered his question so that they would see just how ridiculous their plan was. "If we call the police, they will discover our school's outrageously violent nature, and consequently they'd instantly shut it down. In fact, every school that's as violent as ours gets shut down. Every single one. Just because they can take down each and every troublemaker in the school doesn't mean they will. Our school is probably the most violent one there is, and once they see it they'll simply shut it down." And just as he thought he had finally proved those at the table that their idea was filled with flaws, another one spoke.

"But, if our school is that violent, then wouldn't the police have already noticed and shut it down?" This time it was a man that spoke. Once again, a praise of approval by some of the others at the table followed shortly after he spoke.

"The police system is corrupt. They don't give a damn how violent our school is because they don't want to get their hands dirty. They know how tough it is to silence schools in this generation because they've dealt with other schools like ours that have abused their newly-given powers to enforce corporal punishment to a whole new level on students. That's how we got in this mess; we abused those powers. But it's only a matter of time before someone speaks up and the police is obliged to come take down our school. Understand?" This time the man's voice was laced with hostility that could only be detected by those that listened hard to him. He was trying his best not to explode with anger, for those that spoke out were trying his patience. But, as a school principal, he had learned to calm himself down when it was a necessity. After all, he had to gain the school's board of directors' agreement. If he blew up on them, then he was certain that they would not agree with the plan he was about to unveil.

"Have anyone of you heard about a student by the name of Arch Xavier Grand?" He inquired with a smirk. After sensing that no one knew of the student's existence, the man's smile widened and he continued. "He's the student that's responsible for stopping Caliber High School's gang-activity. This kid single-handedly beat up the three main gang-leaders in that school and five" -- the man added great emphasis to this word -- "other students that followed those gangs. And he beat them badly, too. This instantly restored peace in the school -- thus quelling the violence and gang-activity there -- but poor Arch was expelled from the school for taking matters into his own hands." Now the man had achieved undivided attention. Everyone was focused on him and seemed to be content with where he was going. A doubtful woman, however, spoke up just as he finished speaking.

"But if he beat up that many students, then wouldn't he go to juvie? Do the police know abou--" The man cut her off.

"The police don't know about it. You see, when things like this happen, the schools try their best to keep it quiet."

"And why is that?" The same lady asked, a tad irritated that he had just interrupted her.

"Because they don't want the police to get involved," he said slowly, as if he was speaking to a half-witted child. "Once the police gets involved, the incident that caused them to get involved gets in the newspaper and that instantly hurts the school's reputation. And people don't wanna put their kids in a school with a bad reputation. I should know. I am our school's principal, after all." The lady sighed and rolled her eyes, and the man simply smirked and continued.

"Anyways, my plan is to transfer Arch to our school. I believe that he--" Again, the principal was interrupted.

"And what good will that do us? All he'd do is add to our problems. I mean, he just beat up eight students at Caliber. Imagine what he'd do if he comes to Verrel Academy." This was the same man that had spoke out earlier. The only difference this time was that a roar of approval did not follow after he spoke. The others were beginning to like what the principal was saying, and this man had just interrupted everything. He received a few hostile glares and scowls after he finished speaking, and someone even mouthed the words "shut up" to him.

"Maybe if you would listen to what I have to say, then you'd know how it is beneficiary to us." The principal said in a rather calm tone that did not match his expression at all. His face was that of an aggravated man, yet his voice was soothing and tranquil. Not many noticed, however, for they were too focused on mentally chiding the man of whom had interrupted the principal to bring up a point that was actually worthy of recognition. "The kid has a reputation for either contributing to resolving gang-related issues in schools or doing it all on his own. And as you all know, school gangs are usually the main cause of violence in schools. Our school is a perfect example of that; it's overrun with gangs. Therefore, I believe that if we take in this student" -- the principal suddenly spoke in a voice that commanded authority and that gave off a sense of seriousness -- "then he will rid our school of it's violence." For once, the faculty members at the table agreed with him. And once again, the same man from before spoke out against the principal's plan.

"How will one student quell an issue as big as Verrel's?" The man said, receiving the same amount of rebuke as before, except some of the faculty members verbally scolded him this time. After the faculty members were done scolding him, the principal answered his question respectfully and without a trace of hostility or malice.

"This whole issue is like one big chess game. We're on one side of the board and the gangs are on the other side. Once they take out our side's king, it's over for us and they'll win. Same goes for them. Arch doesn't have to take out every single gang member to stop the violence. All he has to do is take out their king. And according to his records, he's both smart enough and strong enough to do so." And with that, the principal stood up and pushed in his seat. A subdued expression on the man's face indicated that he gave up and could find no flaws in the principal's plan. He simply stood up as the principal did so and watched sulkily as the rest commended him for his plan.

But, whether the principal realized it or not, there were a few aspects of his plan that were indeed questionable. Would Arch even do as his plan stated? What if he did the contrary and only added to the school's violence? What if his parents refused to have him enroll at such a school? What if Arch failed to carry out the principal's plan? What if someone spoke up about the school's violence and the school was shut down? Who knows? Only time would tell. And time, my dear reader, is right around corner.


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Inspired by and partially based off: XIN (Animation series on Newgrounds.com)

Comments and criticism will be greatly appreciated.

Enjoy.


Last edited by TheAuthor on Fri Aug 13, 2010 5:52 am, edited 9 times in total.
  





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Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:04 am
GrantBlayfur says...



Unfortunately my computer is to slow to see the series on Newgrounds, but I get the general gist of it. That's one thing you did well.

Overall, this prologue feels slow. I felt the same thing was being said multiple times - maybe in different ways and for different reasons, but still the same. For instance, about calling the police. You state multiple times that that would be horrendous for the school. The first time, I get the idea. The next times, it feels old and used.

Second. One small mistake I noticied about halfway through the prologue. You say the the Grand kid beat up three gang leaders and five minions, but later:

"And what good will that do us? All he'd do is add to our problems. I mean, he just beat up seven students at Caliber. Imagine what he'd do if he comes to Verrel Academy."


Finally, the intro sentence is one big descriptive blur! Try splitting that up into different descriptive sentences, or maybe have different characters 'notice' those things about the room.

Anyway, that's all I can say for now (I kind of had to rush through it). But nice work overall, I would definetly read more!

- G
  





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Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:11 am
TheAuthor says...



I stated the issues with calling the police multiple times so that the reader would understand the different reasons why they couldn't. If I didn't explain all of that, then the readers would be led to wonder why the school couldn't call the police and I'd be criticized on that point. I believe that some people would think that this story had flaws if I didn't explain that.
But thanks to bringing it to my attention.

Lol, I didn't realize that. I'll change it to eight students right away.

And yeah, I got that feeling as well. I'm gonna go ahead and edit that too....
  





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Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:32 am
brassnbridle says...



Just want to say that your font is rather small and the text is in giant, intimidating boxes, which could make it difficult to get reviews. Try breaking it up and making more reader-friendly- you might have better luck with reviews.
If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.~Toni Morrison

It is written in m life-blood, such as that is, thick or thin; I can do no other~ Tolkien
  





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Wed Aug 11, 2010 3:24 am
UnderestimatedSmiles says...



I have only one critique, and it may be kind of confusing: You are using too much detail with things, like in your first paragraph about the ceiling fan and beige ceilings... you should fix it if you ever revise this story. Detail is good but too much draws the reader out of the story (which I LOVE!!!) and can make it sound tacky. Anyway, I loved it a LOT! Keep writing! =D
Laugh, Smile, Have Some Fun, You Only Live Once!

People say the pen is mightier than the sword, but I don't know, a sword can actually kill you while a pen can just hurt your feelings...
  








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