z

Young Writers Society


Halo: The fight Worth Fighting



User avatar
79 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 79
Sun Feb 08, 2009 4:58 am
ninja-Z says...



PART ONE: CHASING SHADOWS

Chapter 3

8 hours 50 minutes, March 10, 2537
Planet Beckon, small Covenant outpost
Epsilon Omicron system_

Luke slammed the butt of his MA5 Assault Rifle into a Grunt, shattering its ribs and lodging them into its vital organs. He got back up and immediately somersaulted away as another Grunt in its Ghost levitation craft nearly splattered his guts out.

“These things don’t know when to quit,” Luke said aloud. He hurled himself away from a round of plasma bullets, and then continued to jump onto the vehicle, elbowing the Grunt’s head and smashing it away from the Ghost. The Grunt was out cold.

Before he could get inside the enemy hovercraft, a beam from a Covenant Carbine cut into his shoulder. He flinched a little from the pain but quickly recovered. He turned his gaze, and his eyes locked onto those of the Jackal that had just seared him. “You’re dead,” he cried out. But before he could fire back at the alien, it was flanked and fell with a thud. Behind the fallen enemy was Sergeant Pierce. He heard her cock her shotgun, and saw the faint blue glow from the marks on the weapon.

“Hey, you stole my kill,” he said to her.

“Tch, no 'thank you' or anything?” she retorted. Alexandria wiped a few specks of dark purple blood off of her armor, and then came up beside him.

Luke held his earpiece to his mouth and spoke into it. “You okay, Bravo Team?”

His earpiece crackled. “Yes, sir, but there’s lots of resistance from the Covenant,” the Corporal said back. “A couple of my men are down.”

Luke heard a few rounds of three discharge from a BR55 Battle Rifle through his mic, then a man scream as he fell.

“We can’t hold out for too much longer!” Gibson yelled into the mic.

“I’ve got a Ghost, I’m coming to back you up, over.”

“Thanks. Please hurry. Gibson out.”

Luke climbed up over the remains of a Jackal camp, then got into the Ghost. He fixed in on Jake’s location, and boosted toward it, running over any unsuspecting aliens in his way. His Ghost slid to a stop, leaving some of the mysterious purple mist behind.

Luke opened fire at the aliens attacking Bravo Team. Within seconds, the area was devoid of Grunts, as a few scurried off, screaming in fright.

But suddenly, he felt his back lurch. Man, I was so reckless, just charging in here, Luke thought. I must’ve miscalculated.

He felt himself being thrown yards away. Then he impacted, and immediately his body was aching everywhere. He stared into the eyes of the Elite that had hijacked the Ghost, only to see that it was ramming towards him. He dashed out of the way, but his slowed body wasn’t fast enough. His legs buckled as they were pushed aside by the force of the Ghost.

He reached for a pair of plasma grenades from a fallen Grunt. Obviously, the Elite didn’t notice and pushed forward, assured that this time he would meet its target. As the Elite laughed, Luke lit the grenades a fluorescent blue, and with a well-practiced motion caught the Elite in the head.

“And that’s what happens to Covenant bastards that steal my property,” he said as the Elite’s eyes widened.

The alien burst into gore and guts, taking the Ghost along with it. Luke felt a slap across the face as a ligament of the alien’s mouth hit his face. He whipped it off, being sure to keep the dark purple blood on him.

“Nice throw, Gunny,” Jake said to Luke as he drew near. That’s when Luke passed out.

“All right, men, time to continue the Gunny’s fight!”

“Yeah!” shouted the men at different intervals. They came out into the sunlight in a delta formation.

“Here, me and two others…uh, Private Kelly and Private Jenkins, we’ll find a good sniping post!”Jake ordered. “The rest of you, there is a key command post some Covenant are holding. Take this region of Covenant out, and their defenses will crumble.” He took Luke onto his back. “Aright, men, move out!”

“Sir, yes sir.”

“I can’t hear you!”

“Sir, yes sir!” they shouted in unison.

He, Kelly, and Jenkins found a Covenant propulsion sniping post. Jenkins went first to check for Jackals, then Kelly and the Corporal, carrying Luke on his back. Jenkins and Kelly pulled out their BR55 Battle Rifles, the Corporal likewise his M9 Sniper Rifle. “Alright, let’s give the rest of Bravo some ground support.”

Jake spotted an Elite. Perfect, he thought. He got the unaware Elite right between the eyes, and it fell with a distant clatter of armor. He watched as two targets near his own also fell.

“Nice shooting, men.”

* * *
When Luke finally came to, he found himself on the ground, but in another location. He was in the ruins of a Covenant propulsion sniping post. Lying next to him was an injured UNSC Marine. On the other side of him was another Marine on one knee. Then he saw the Corporal fighting hand-to-hand with an Elite. He searched for his weapons, to find that he didn’t have any on him.

He scrambled toward the Elite sparring with Gibson, and reached for the alien’s neck. He twisted, heard a snap, and the enemy fell in a heap on the ground.

“I get knocked unconscious for just an hour or two, and this is what happens?” Luke asked rhetorically.

“Sir, good to have you back,” Jake said.

“Okay, what’s the situation?”Luke inquired.

“The battle isn’t really going either way, so far—“

“Not anymore. Not on my watch.”

Luke bent over and grabbed the fallen Elite’s shining purple Plasma Rifle. Jake picked up two M7 sub-machine guns and jammed fresh clips of ammo into each. Private Jenkins held his MA5 Assault Rifle at the ready and helped Private Kelly to his feet.

“Alright, men, time to kick some Covenant ass!” Luke cried out. A steady stream of commands from the Sergeant’s hands to the other Marines’ eyes kept the strike team moving at a steady pace, hidden from sight by any Covenant watchdogs. They came to a stop leaning against a ravaged building. Feet away were about twenty enemies ready to blow these four men to dust.

“On the count of three, everyone lobs a grenade,” Luke whispered. The other men simply nodded. There was a moment of silence as all that was heard were four pins dropping. Then the grenades went flying and the scene burst into action. Literally. Because half of the Covenant squad went flying, dust and smoke following close behind from where the frag grenades hit the dirt.

Kelly was the first to jump out into the fray—and was met with a Fuel Rod Cannon’s green energy blast sending him right back at the Marines.

“I didn’t say go, dammit!” Luke yelled. But the reckless soldier was down for the count. One more man KIA. He stuck his eyes and gun through a crack in the wall and squeezed the trigger of his alien weapon. Down fell a handful more Covenant soldiers, among them the one with the Fuel Rod Cannon.

Now there were only six targets left…then three…then none. Luke punched the communication button on his mic and spoke into it. “Only three of us left…need assistance, Pierce.”

“Where exactly are you, Newman?” Alexandria’s garbled voice said into her own mic.

“Southeast section on the perimeter of the Covenant stronghold,” he replied.

“Alright, be there in approximately ten minutes’ time.”

Their communications line was static once again, and Luke released his cupped hand from his ear. “Alright, men, backup in ten minutes. We’ll just have to hold out until it gets here.”

Luke’s Plasma Rifle let out a few bursts, and a Jackal hit the ground. Jake’s SMGs punctured a Grunt’s methane tank.

“Look men, we’ve gotta keep trying to get closer to that Covenant stronghold,” Lucas said. “C’mon.”

Suddenly, a big shadow loomed overhead like the sun had just been covered.”What the hell?” Private Jenkins yelled.

It was a Phantom Dropship. And its load was a Wraith tank. The three soldiers dove for cover as the enemy tank fell from the ship onto the ground not more than two meters from the men. Knowing that they didn’t stand a chance, Luke motioned for them to run left of the tank and out of its sights.

“Luke,” Alexandria’s voice echoed through Luke’s head. “They’ve set up a perimeter around the stronghold using Wraiths!”

“Yeah, and one almost crushed me,” Luke said back.

“Just hold on, gunnery Sergeant, my squad is almost there.”

Man, Luke thought. If only there were more troops available to tip the outcome of this battle in our favor. He knew why, though. There were three battlefronts: the forests, the desert, and the Developed Region. Plus, not all men in one section were fighting the same battle. This made things extremely complicated.

The three men kept running, shooting, and bashing until they collided with Sergeant Pierce and her troops. Her leg had a bandage on it, and a little blood shown through.

Alexandria saw Luke staring at it and immediately said, “I’ll be just fine.”

“Alright, guess I shouldn’t argue,” Luke said back. “So what’s the plan?”

“You’re my CO, you should have it all planned out.”

“Alright, sir and ma’am,” the Corporal cut in. “There has got to be a logical way to take down the Covenant. If we can take down the Wraiths, then we can get to the stronghold, overrun it, and end this battle.”

“Obviously,” Pierce said. “They’re relying on those tanks too much.”

“Well, we could use Cobras—“ Jake started.

“No, these ruins and buildings would be too much interference,” Luke said. “Hornets are probably the only option we have. Are there any available?”

“Sir, no sir.”

“Well, then, I guess that leaves no other choice,” Luke said. “We’ve got to do it on foot, the way we are.”
___________

It's only been about a year, but no rush, right? :wink: I have the whole book written out, but its coming here soon...
  





Random avatar


Gender: None specified
Points: 1290
Reviews: 23
Mon Mar 09, 2009 11:51 pm
lukas8u says...



Hmm.. Honestly, I have to say, this is over dramatized. I've played Halo 3, and even by that games insanely unrealistic, you managed to top this off. And I'm assuming that this guy, Luke, (great name choice by the way :D ) isn't a super human like a Spartan. So yeah, I would tone it down.
Also, I find it unrealistic to send in a tank to sweep up three soldiers.

But other then that, it was pretty good. It had a nice pace to it, and the action was well done. I would try and refine the banter between Luke and his comrade's.
Political blog, (with a liberal lean)
Here
  





User avatar
98 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1155
Reviews: 98
Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:42 pm
chasingcolts21 says...



Hello! Interesting choice for a fanfic...Halo!

Like lukas8u said, tone it down please. Not much really is that dramatic. Not much grammar errors, and lots of repetition. Also, the paragraphs and sentences seem a bit choppy. I'd add some to them.

Other than that, it was pretty good and interesting.
"We would accomplish many more things if we didn't think of them as impossible." Vince Lombardi

~You've just been ticketed by the Grammar Police! 1000 word essay fine.
  





User avatar
43 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 551
Reviews: 43
Tue Mar 17, 2009 12:41 am
Kyuubi says...



Hola! This is the first crit I've done in about a month, so forgive me if it's a little vague. So, onto the writing! Oh and before I forget, I'm fickle when it comes too being accurate about Halo.

Okay. I thought the facts were a little off. For example, in the beginning, you wrote that this Lucas character dodged "plasma bullets." In the Halo Universe, humans are the only ones besides the Brutes that use projectile weapons. UNLESS, you were meaning too say that he dodged some "needler" rounds.

Second, like Lukas had said, if Lucas isn't a super soldier, he'd be bleeding and crippled from the shot too the shoulder like that. The standard issue ballistic armor for the Marines could stop the occasional plasma pistol discharge. However, their shoulder jonts weren't armored. For flexibility. So, from that, he'd be needing some serious medical attention.

And third. For a Halo Fanfic piece, well done. I've read many of them, and none of them do justice too the whole series. But this..this, may very well be the start of a short story or even more.


~Kyuubi~

P.S. Just work on your terminology and research the equipment/ characters, etc. a little better.
"So, I was thinking, I've always wanted to ride a TaunTaun."
"Ummmm....I asked you answer the math problem on the board."
"No you didn't."
"Yes I did."
"Yeah well, that's your opinion."...............A conversation between my teacher and I.
  





Random avatar


Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 7
Sat Jul 11, 2009 5:49 pm
hopefulromntic says...



it seems that the marines can somehow fight hand to hand with an elite out of no where. elites are supposed to have the strength close to a spartan ,so marines wouldnt be able to go hand to hand with one. Some how these marines have overly intensified abilities. you should try toning them down just a bit.

I got a little lost here and there but that might just be mehaha. not hte sharpest tool in the shed you can probably tell from my reviews lol.
  








Poetry is the art of creating imaginary gardens with real toads.
— Marianne Moore