Young Writers Society

[pre]FWOOSHHHHH! The harpoon flew past him, close enough for him to see the individual barbs. He knew the next time he wouldn’t see the long wooden handle buried in the mud below. His choices: flee or die, but how could he leave his mate?
He closed his eyes and there was a tense moment of silence. The moment when there should have been agonizing pain there was nothing. The sound of the motor grew softer and when he opened his eyes, he saw the boat speeding away. With extreme relief, he lifted his tail to begin the down stroke that would take him away when he remembered, his mate. So slow, he thought as he tried to turn. His fins ached from the many days of journeying and his stressful close call.
“Look out!” he screamed and swam towards her.
She whipped around and stared at him. He could tell by the rapid burst of bubbles from her blowhole that she was terrified.
No, he thought, to slow she’ll never make it. He knew, above the surface of the water harpoons were being fit into their silvery cases and being aimed at the shadowy shapes beneath the water.
At that moment he made his decision and flew towards his mate, as if he had grown wings. The harpoon shot from the barrel and for one moment everything seemed to stand still. Then everything happened at once, he threw his mate forward to move her out of the way and the harpoon hit him from the right side sending him left. The pain was unbearable and he floated motionless in water no longer blue, but red with blood.
“Leave…” he whispered. “Flee this place of death.”
“No! I will never leave you,” she cried back.
“I am dying. Flee, for the sake of our child. Please,” his words seemed to get through to her and as she swam away he said. “I will always be with you.”
Then in a soft voice heard only by the earth to which he has sunk, he chanted. “My life has come in a complete circle. Take my memories as my payment for the time I was alive.”
His memories flowed from him and he saw them one last time before they slipped away into the sea.[/pre]

Tell me what you think!

Hey. I noticed you had no critiques. That's not good!

I'm really impressed. There were a few missed commas in some places, but you can catch those later. I've never been really good with finding grammar mistakes like some other on this site.

Be sure to put a double space between each paragraph. I think it's a rule here...

This was really good. It leaves with such a mystery! I wonder what the characters are! I think they are mermaids or something, but I don't know. Haha. It's an awesome prologue. I'll read the next one!

:Sythe: