Well hello. This is ch1 of one of my stories. I'm pretty sure there is alot of stuff i need to improve on in my writing, so I'd like to get an idea of them. I would also like to know what you guys think of the story so far.
Ch1 Rebellion
“What are you serious!” Kaneie yelled at the messenger. The crowd began to yell and complain.
“Please please everyone calm down,” the messenger pleaded.
“How can we calm down when every time the king wants something he taxes us!” someone yelled.
“Your money is going to a good cause, there is no need to be angry,” the messenger replied.
“Three guards armed with spears stood in front of the messenger making sure no one approached.
“There is no good cause when our money is being used to fight a pointless war!” Kaneie yelled again. “Why is it that the rich don’t have to pay and we do!”
“This is an out rage!” someone added.
“We deserve a say in the government!” another person yelled. By this time the messenger had lost his temper.
“Filthy peasants have no right to say what is right and wrong. You all should be happy to have your lives!” The crowd paused for a second. At this time the messenger had just realized the mistake he had made. Suddenly the crowd lashed out at the messenger and his guards. The peasants were blocked by the guards who just swung their spears across to knock anyone away. Kaneie maneuvered through the crowd, ran up, grabbed the spear and thrust it backwards hitting the guards stomach. He then pulled the spear from the guard’s hands and knocked him away with a swing to the side. As the other guard turned to look, he was swarmed by the crowd. The messenger began to run, but Kaneie quickly tripped the man with the spear. As he tried to get up, Kaneie kicked him down and put the spear point to his throat. The messenger cowered in fear.
“Please I am just the messenger this is not what I want it is what the king wants,” the messenger said in fear. The crowd soon gathered to the man who began to shake.
“Humph, go to the king and let him know we aren’t putting up with this anymore. We refuse to pay!” Kaneie said boldly as he lifted the spear away from the man. The man got up shivering.
“If I were you I’d start running, there’s no telling what this crowd might do to you,” Kaneie added. The messenger ran off. The crowd began throwing stones at him as he ran.
The next day another messenger arrived with twenty guards this time and a guard captain all wielding spears. Once again the peasants gathered in the village center.
“I have news from the King,” the messenger announced. The crowd was armed with mostly farm tools and whatever else they gathered. They were ready for another attack. Kaneie however was not in the crowd. He was on top of the house behind the messenger and his troops with his custom made bow and arrows with the spear tied to his back. The crowd listened in as the messenger spoke.
“The king says that if you don’t disband this rebellion, that he will raise the taxes and build a dam into the river giving you no water,” the messenger said.
“What does the King think we are?!” someone yelled.
“That just shows what a terrible leader he is; our river has dried out months ago!”
“We have put up with this long enough!” someone yelled as the crowd waved their weapons. The crowd began to fight the guards. Kaneie began firing his arrows after hearing what was said. A guard began to run at the peasants, but before he could reach them, an arrow was lodged into his skull and fell to his knees. Soon another fell and another. Even the messenger lay at the ground with an arrow in him. Kaneie had ran out of arrows, but managed to kill six troops. Unfortunately, the troops began to slaughter the untrained peasants. Kaneie quickly jumped off the roof, with his spear in hand. He ran at them from behind and began to take them out. The peasants began to back off until it was only Kaneie who was left fighting. As a troop began to swing at him, he blocked it and knocked the troop back with a tackle so hard that he flew into the troop behind him. The troops surrounded him, but he remained fighting. The crowd watched in awe. They wanted to help, but were too afraid. Kaneie swung the spear around him in many different ways keeping the troops away. He was only trained by what his father managed to teach before he was executed by the king. The troops wouldn’t come near. All of a sudden Kaneie’s spear was stopped. The guard captain was holding it off with his own spear.
“Ha ha ha. What is your name boy,” asked the captain.
“I am Kaneie Miyamoto!” He yelled.
“Well aren’t you high and mighty,” replied the captain. “Kaneie Miyamoto I challenge you to a duel. If you win me and my troops will have mercy on your village.”
“And if you win?” Kaneie tried to ask boldly. Kaneie was not good at fighting one on one.
“Hahaha lets just say your fate will be as good as theirs,” he answered coldly. The troops backed away and Kaneie readied himself. The captain walked towards
Kaneie slowly pulling out his sword and casting his spear
aside. Kaneie ran at him and tried to swipe with the spear,
but the captain stepped aside and hit Kaneie with the handle
of his sword in the back of the head. Kaneie held his head with one hand and backed up a little.
“Is that all you got?” the captain chuckled. Kaneie just
stood holding his spear defensively. The captain swiftly
swung diagonally at Kaneie who managed to block, but then
the captain came from bellow hitting Kaneie’s chest with the
flat side of his sword. Kaneie flew back, and regained his
stance as fast as he could even though he was in pain. The
captain could of killed him easily. Kaneie remembered the
bow on his back. If only he had some arrows he thought. He then noticed the quiver of bows on the back of the captains back. Kaneie had an idea.
“Had enough Miyamoto?” the captain said confidently. Kaneie answered by running at him with the spear pointing at him. As the captain was about to swing , Kaneie used the spear as a poll jump and jumped over the captain as he hit the spear away with his sword. At the same time Kaneie with one hand reached for his bow and the other grabbed an arrow from the captains quiver. As the captain turned around, Kaneie had landed, armed his bow and fired the arrow. The captain moved just enough for the arrow to slice into his right cheek leaving a huge cut. He screamed in pain, but before Kaneie could celebrate, the captain slashed right down Kaneie’s chest. Kaneie fell back yelling in pain.
“I’ll make you pay for that!” the captain yelled enraged by the attack. “Bring him back to the castle, we’ll finish him off there.” A man ran up from the crowd.
“You can’t take him from us- but before the man could finish, the captain who was only about two feet away from him had decapitated him with his sword. The crowd was stunned in horror.
“That will happen to anyone else who dares oppose the king.”
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