Young Writers Society

Name: Particle
A.k.a.: Rae Adam
Gender: Female
Age: 15
Eyes: blue, turns white when she absorbs or maintains too much power
Hair: long, brown that goes to her shoulder blades with red highlights, turns white when she absorbs or maintains too much power
Built: Athletic, but curvy
Personality: Wild child, but extremely calm. Rae loves having fun and cracking jokes. Now living in California, Rae enjoys the partying life. She is a quick thinker with her high metabolism and is always hunger. Rae is a science prodigy and works mostly with explosives, dangerous chemicals, and the quantum field.
Hobbies/activities: Enjoys volleyball, jogging, and gymnastics. Living on the beach has the perks of the beach, ocean, and the amazing coves, so she of course swims nearly all year round. Her loves messing in her lab and reading.
Clothes: Civies- Green High-tops or green sneakers (depends on the day), blue jeans, gold tee and green jacket or green long sleeve under shirt, also an army cameo two-piece with short bottoms
Super wear- green full body rubber-like suit, gold gloves of same material(able to withstand the high temperatures of powers), gold shoes of same material (designed to withstand high friction and velocity), gold sport goggles with gold strap, and a gold atomic atom symbol in center of chest
Abilities: quantum field manipulation (powers mature as she practices)
-energy blasts from any point on her body ie: feet, palms, full body
-super human speed due to quantum field
-radiation absorption
limited metallic body skin (full body when she absorbs too much power)
erratic explosions when she gets mad
Weaknesses: the usual (guns, knives, ect.), lead, large amounts of radiation, high metabolism that must be kept up to supply the energy she needs
Brief History:
The daughter of a villain and a hero, Rae doesn't know where she stands. Living with her mother for years, she was able to discover she had powers from both her parents. When her mother (villain) sent her away to live with the dad (hero) she had never met when she was 9, Rae became bottled up. She eventually learned that he was a hero and took her under his wing when she revealed her powers. Now his apprentice, she must learn to be normal and face her strange family issues with her abilities.

Hello...
Can I just say thank you for entering this competition. We've been waiting a while for someone to do so!
Anyway, your character. Particle is a good idea, and her powers are quite creative. However, it would be good if you explained them further as they are really rather important. Your description of her hobbies and interests have the kind of detail I would like to see in a character bio, so well done!
The character history could use a little work. It's good and has detail, but unfortunately there are quite a few grammar mistakes and it just generally needs checking over. However the idea of her moving from her villain mother to her hero father was a good idea, especially with the conflict this causes.
Overall, good character, but you do need to work on a few key areas which require more detail than the rest.
Thanks for entering!
Crow

As Crow above me already mentioned, there were quite a lot of grammar mistakes, such as the one in "Her loves messing in her lab and reading."

That said, between the descriptions of her appearance and personality, she sounds too good to be true, not to mention contradictory. She's wild, but she's calm? She's a science prodigy with excellent social skills? She's a partier, yet she somehow has time to run experiments?

I think this profile could do with a bit more thinking through of the details and if someone could actually be like described. Unless time travel is one of her abilities, even a superhero would have a hard time finding all the time to do all the mentioned activities and hobbies, especially if research/running experiments is as major hobby in her life as the profile gives the impression of.

This is a good character description, it makes me want to read more about this person. Her personality definitely seems entertaining, and her character design is well thought out and detailed. I like that you included things like her build and also two different outfits; her superwear and everyday wear.

The only problem I see is how realistic this is. And yeah, I know superhero stories are allowed to stretch realism quite a bit. But it seems like you wanted her to seem more human (her character background about her parents and the fact that she participates in school and sports seem to suggest so). But I'm trying to imagine being a fifteen year old, who goes to school, who secretly has an abnormal life and an abnormal family, who happens to be particularity gifted in science and fools around with dangerous equipment in her lab all day, manages to go to volleyball and gymnastic practices, jog, swim, and go cove diving on her spare time, and last but not least enjoys reading novels. To me, there are just not enough hours to do half of this stuff in one day. If you are someone who does a lot of extra curricular stuff I'm sure you would've realized that varsity sports and high school classes alone can be enough to dry up all your time.

Besides rethinking that detail, I think you've got a great description here. I had fun reading about her ^_^

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