Young Writers Society

It's strange how amazing a person can make you feel. Like the cool humid wind blowing onto your face and the heart's wrenching desire for rain, and then the delight; delight when the rain pours down.

All those memories, whether it be walking on top of the 3m wall like foolish children or having the same colored ice pops, how can I ever forget. And then there was the blind trust you so generously had on me, calling me up whenever something goes wrong and me, feeling so torn at the failure of not being able to do anything except supply you with mere words. I wanted to become a witch for you, magic at my fingertips so I could set it all straight at times. I wanted to buy rainbow stickers for you, at my silliest, to remind you that life's no different but that I'm nothing without you. You shared your earphones with me, taught me to headbang in the wrong way, you gave me happiness and the strength to reason with life this one time.

That being said, there's also the child who mindlessly licks an ice cream for the joy that lies within, the joy that no one probably understands. I still have your chewing gum with me; I found it in my jacket during the holidays and could never bring myself to throw it away.

I don't think I've met anyone else being such a fanatic about birthdays; you were always so excited about that day, whether it was yours or someone else's. Your last birthday here, I tried so hard to make it special but I guess I failed miserably and I am so sorry.

They say, it's the blood of your family that flows through your veins and everyone else are strangers at best, they come, they leave. But if so, why do you mean more than anything else to me?

I always hoped it wouldn't turn into those days I had to reach out; like your eyes fool you into thinking you've caught it, the mist, and it's hiding somewhere between the wrinkles of your skin but your neurons won't transmit the image to your brain and your being won't acknowledge. But look at me now, forcing myself to believe that you're still with me, may it be a part of you, in the least.

It's a diary, we're the story. And I'll latch it, keeping it preserved till those people place me six feet under.

I miss you, Ruqaiyyah.

All those memories, whether it be walking on top of the 3m wall like foolish children or having the same colored ice pops, how can I ever forget.

Should this be - "All those memories... (insert middle part here), how could I ever forget them?"

That being said, there's also the child who mindlessly licks an ice cream for the joy that lies within, no one probably understands.

Should this be: ...licks an ice cream for the joy that lies within. No one understands.
Or maybe: ...licks an ice cream for the joy that lies within, for reasons no one understands.

Aside from that, I didn't find much grammar wise. But I found a ton of stuff otherwise. A ton of AMAZING stuff.

This was so beautiful. I think you gave us just enough information to understand what's going on without a big information dump. Because this is in "Other" I would assume it's a real story? But wait... I guess it could be fictional. I'm not sure what else you'd put it in.

But back to the content. I loved the descriptions. I loved everything about this piece - how it was written, how it flowed, and most of all the imagery and emotions that came out of it. It was happy and sorrowful at the same time, looking back on all those memories. Geez, the keyboard is kinda blurry right now... I really, truly loved this and can relate to it. These words I'm typing now sound so... shallow... compared to this piece. I can't find the right way to describe it. I guess it really... touched my heart. I felt this piece.

Thank you for posting this.
-Dai

I don't get your smiley:D that's all I know to give

samumph wrote:It's strange how amazing a person can make you feel. Who you talking about? btw, he doesn't care:D wrong place to write it

All those memories, whether it be walking on top of the 3m wall like foolish children or having the same colored ice pops,I not only see it I fell it- good how can I ever forget. The rest here is also very articulate and natural

That being said, there's also the child who mindlessly licks an ice cream for the joy that lies within, no one probably understands. I still have your chewing gum with me; I found it in my jacket during the holidays and could never bring myself to throw it away.Can I forward the link to Ruq? or did you do taht already?

They say, it's the blood of your family that flows through your veins and it's them who you really should feel for, but if so, why do you mean to me more than anything else? Fix this sentence, it feels screwed

I always hoped it wouldn't turn into those days I had to reach out, like your eyes fool you into thinking you've caught it, the mist, and it's hiding somewhere between the wrinkles of your skin but your neurons won't transmit the image to your brain and your being won't acknowledge. Either the sentence is too long, or what but reread it- I don't get it.But look at me now, forcing myself to believe that you're still with me, may it be a part of you in the least.- change the word order.
I miss you, Ruqaiyyah.

Till Rigor Mortis stiffens your heart I loved the feeling conveyed and your words, description- to me were not too much, not too less. Tried to give a helpful review- be a good friend

Yay! My gayfriend got featured

Hello samumph,

This is a really neat story that you have here! At first I thought it might be a little cliche because of the title but as soon as I read it I began to slowly fall in love with the story and the way you wrote it. It felt simple and easy to understand but it still made you think and it gave me quite a bit to think about after I finished reading this. I can't say it was perfect but it was pretty darn good! I just have a couple of nit picks and some feedback now.

I always hoped it wouldn't turn into those days I had to reach out; like your eyes fool you into thinking you've caught it, the mist, and it's hiding somewhere between the wrinkles of your skin but your neurons won't transmit the image to your brain and your being won't acknowledge.

I don't want to sound picky but that was a really long sentence. It was so long it was almost a paragraph. I think it would be a good idea to break it down a bit and exchange some of the commas and semi colons for some full stops and capital letters.

That being said, there's also the child who mindlessly licks an ice cream for the joy that lies within, no one probably understands.

I didn't really understand this either. Daisuki pointed out a couple of ways you could rephrase this and you can probably find one that you like yourself so I'll just leave that there.

My favorite lines would have to be these quoted ones

Your last birthday here, I tried so hard to make it special but I guess I failed miserably and I am so sorry.

because it said one thousand things in just those few words and it made everything a little clearer for me.

But look at me now, forcing myself to believe that you're still with me, may it be a part of you, in the least.

I can't give a reason why I liked this, I just did.

Overall you have a nice story here. It wasn't long but I don't think it needed to be to get the message across. Most of it was pretty amazing and if you ever post anything else like this then please let me know. I honestly enjoyed reading this and it was very impactive. Keep up the excellent writing!

From DreamingForever

This was wonderful. My own best friend is transgender, female to male, so this really hits home for me. I love him to death -- I treasure the silly moments when we're on the phone at three in the morning, when we're dancing around like insane people in the middle of a crowded room, when I draw rainbows and "I love you!"'s all over his arms, when we watch sad movies and I cry on his shoulder, when he wakes me up at five in the morning with a phone call crying about something that happened, when I steal his coke and he chases me around trying to get it back, the list could go on forever and ever, so I'm gonna stop now.

Anyways, this really touched my heart, and I love it :3 I'm glad it's featured

i miss ruqaiyyah too <3

*Gay tears again*
This is just amazing <3

ffffffff

I am so glad I found a post that speaks the truth. Not that other posts don't, but what I admire is your openness and how you put these words together so beautifully. Great work!