Young Writers Society

Erin, an intelligent but slightly ditsy high school senior, has just been asked by Harvard's dean of admissions how she would be an asset to the college.

ERIN: How would I be an asset to Harvard? Oh, I don’t know. . . . I mean, obviously I would be an asset, because . . . well . . . you know. My grades and stuff. Not that you guys would be considering anybody who didn’t have pretty much the best grades in their graduating class. That was my goal. Well, at least from junior year up--ninth and tenth grades I was home-schooled and therefore lacked the motivation. But once I got in there with all those other kids, I realized what I was called to do. To be the best. I always hated it when someone was better than me. I guess you could call it pride, maybe; but it was selfless pride. Wait, that doesn’t make any sense. What I mean is, I wanted to be the best because then I could help people, I could make things better. Like Harvard. Gosh, you guys must be shaping the fabric of America’s future, right? See, I want to be here; I want to hang out with all the great minds of our nation’s youth. And you know I must be dedicated when you consider the fact that I’m fully aware almost everyone here is better than me, and yet I still want to come here, because it means that much to me.

I mean, think about it: Harvard! These guys are all either geniuses or rich enough to buy artificial brains and make themselves geniuses. I don’t even know if that’s possible; but then again, when I’m here, I feel like everything is possible, even artificial genius. But see, I’m not an artificial genius. I’m a real genius. Well no, I didn’t mean it like that. I probably sound like I’m bragging, don’t I? Cause I’m really not. It’s just that, from the day I got that letter from you guys, I was all like, “Harvard. Yes. That’s where I’m meant to go.” And from then on, everything was about Harvard. Goodness knows I didn’t want to take all those AP classes and fill out that really long application form and lose all that sleep, but it was worth it. I mean, that’s what real greatness is all about, isn’t it? Making sacrifices for the greater good. And Harvard is the greater good. Like, if there was one college in this country that could stand up and say, “America, I pledge myself to thee and thy greater good,” it would be this one. You guys are like . . . the Oxford of the North American continent. Oh, and you’re the oldest college in America too; isn’t that cool? Doesn’t that just make you feel like . . . like you’re something in the world? Now that’s an awesome feeling. I’ve always wanted to feel like that, like I was really making a difference, you know? Cause in high school I’m just another smart kid in a class full of smart kids, and obviously I’m not super popular or anything, but I have something the others don’t. I have the will to do, to be, to go where no student there has gone before. And the place to go is Harvard. I am just as convinced of that truth now as I was eight months ago, when I first got that letter from you guys.

My mom told me you would ask what I could do for Harvard when you interviewed me. But you know what I think? Ask not what your potential student can do for you, but what you can do for your potential student! Oh my gosh, did I really just say that? I’m so sorry, wow, I totally didn’t mean that. I have this unfortunate tendency to make really unwise jokes at the most inopportune moments. And then I try to atone for it by using run-on sentences and really big words, which come naturally to me, actually. I’ve probably already blown this entire conversation out of the water, and not in the good way. In the Pearl Harbor way. So, I’m going to shut up now, and hopefully you’ll come to the conclusion that I am indeed an asset? Because I really want this. Like, I really, really want this, so bad I would fight and kill and die for it if I had to. Well, maybe not kill. But fight and die, yeah. So please consider that. My figurative life is in your hands. Your shining, golden Harvard hands. . . . okay, I’m definitely shutting up now. Thank you so much. Please pick me. Okay, that’s all. I’m done. Thanks.

I laughed out loud at this one. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It caught my eye because it sounds like something they would ask on an entrance application or interview, and Harvard is my 3rd choice for college, so I guess to sum it up: Very entertaining, a worthy piece. Keep Writing!

Hey Warrior! I loved this. It made me laugh and you showed great skills in keeping in character. What gave you the idea of this? I would love to know. Also, what media were you planning this for? TV, a play, or a movie? I usually don't ask this about a script, but I think this could work in a lot of different situations.

I actually have zilch problems with this, almost. The first thing I noticed was all your dot-dot-dot's or '...s'. The problem is that usually other punctuation would be correct. I think you mean us to pause at these places, but a period and a comma are also made for us to pause. For example:

Oh, I don’t know ... I mean, obviously I would be an asset, because . . . well . . . you know.

Should be:

Oh, I don’t know. I mean, obviously I would be an asset, because, well, you know.

If you want to be correct. Even if you don't want to get this published it might be better if you tried to get out of the habit of writing with dots because most places who would potentially publish you probably wouldn't like this.

The only other thing I noticed was that she said she used big words. But, in this I didn't actually see any hard words. They were pretty basic. If you want to write about a genius they have to talk like a genius. I know this girl isn't a genius, but she should use at least a few big words if she said she does.

I wish I could have helped more,

Calli

Wow!!! Extreme!! The only thing is you might want to add a few stage directions in. But besides that, Awesome!!

I really liked this it was very amusing. By the way disregard Cali it's a script dots or parentheses with instructions are expected though I would have simply put at the beginning as an instruction to the actor reading it open up stuttering with a lack of confidence and a hint of confusion at the question. All in all though it was a really good comedic monologue.