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Heya

Here to review as requested!

Now, to put it bluntly, I am absolutely shi* at reviewing scripts. So because of that, don't take my critique too seriously at all. I'll give it a go though! Also, I'm assuming that you've already written the first 6 scenes of this? If so, I haven't read the first 6 so I might not understand this as well as I could. Anyway, enough excuses; onto the review!

Scene 7: Back to the Empty Party

[Dr. L is seated across from Andrea, Mark is absent. The Doc has a bottle of booze in his hand. The stress is killing him.]

Dr. L: So as you can see, I was trapped. She would take away everything I had worked for. My life would be destroyed. (Takes a swig of booze) And after all that she didn’t even get her hands on your inheritance.

Andrea: (After a tense thoughtful moment) Let me get this straight. You had to choose between my mother’s life… space here and your career. Greg, I don’t see much of a compromise in that situation.

Dr. L: Andrea, you don’t understand what it was like –

Andrea: (Raising her voice) No, I think I do understand what it was like. You killed my mother so you could keep your job! This is a human life we’re talking about! Something about this sentence sounded a bit odd to me. I think it was the whole 'human life' bit. My mother’s life!

Dr. L: (Standing up and yelling) Don’t you think I have regretted the moment that I made that choice? It cut me so deep; I’ll never touch another pregnant woman again!

Andrea: Oh poor you! Poor you! You’ll never touch a pregnant woman! Well guess what, Greg? I’ll never know my mothers love. I’ll never hug her, kiss her, or tell her I’m all grown up. (Crying) She won’t see me get married… space here don’t you dare tell me about grief!

Dr. L: (Breaking down) I’m – I’m so sorry Andrea… space I’m sorry! All I feel is guilt, You don't necessarily need this comma. every waking moment! It eats me from the inside… space. I can feel it destroying me! All these years… space againall I’ve ever wanted… and again was forgiveness.

Andrea: (Looks at him incredulously) You have some nerve. (Starts walking away then she turns back) I will never forgive you. I think an exclamation mrk would be suited here.

Dr. L: (Looses it I think that you need to be more specific. Say Looses temper instead of it. , grabbing her by the arm) Please! Please Andrea!

Andrea: let go of me!!

[Mark enters]

Mark: What the hell?!! You dare lay your hands on my fiancé?! (Grabs Greg and begins to fight with him)

Andrea: (Quickly moves away from the fighting men and dials her cell) Hello? Police? I have an intruder in my house.

[Black out]

Overall

Like I said earlier, I know nothing about scripts, so don't take this really seriously. Even though I know nothing about scripts, I did think that this was pretty good! It was clearly a tense scene and I got that feeling, so well done for that. I couldn't completely understand what was going on because I haven't read the first few scenes. After reading this though, it sounds like you've been doing a good job so far.

I can't really comment on the structure or anything because I don't know how scripts work. I can't really comment on character development either because I haven't read the first few parts. What I will say though is that I think your characters are interesting! They made me wonder about what had happened and what was going on. This sounds like a very interesting story and I think that it's written well.

Pah... I feel useless. I really did think that this was good and I really am bad at reviewing scripts. I can't really find much to critique. The only thing that I can really comment on is that it felt a bit rushed. They kind of like, just start fighting randomly. I think that your two characters should shout at each other, saying bad things, obviously. I also think that it was a bit rushed when Andrea called the police. Basically, I think that you should slow some things down.

Sorry this hasn't been much help, I officially know nothing about scripts!

Keep writing and good luck!

xoxo Skins

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