Young Writers Society

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Hey Ember! Congratulations you get to be my 200th review!

Well I have to say, this is excellent. Really and truly excellent. You've got talent I love Vivica, she's so diabolical. The only thing that bugged me a little was that Andrea called her Auntie. It just sounds way too sickly sweet. Anyway awesome job, keep writing, and I can't wait for the next part!

~Hope

wow, yay! number 200!!

OK about the "auntie" bit, maybe it didn't come through clearly in the text, but Vivica had always demanded to be called this by Andrea. Which is why she flipped out so much when she addressed her by her first name. This was a symbol of deep disrespect. This is definitely the case where I come from!

Hey Ember!

Beautifully written, you really have a nice style. That being said, I think a transition chapter er... scene is in order. We don't know Andrea, and I would definitely like to know her a bit before this scene. Why does she so suddenly flip and leave? Maybe you could write a scene a few years before, maybe she's with Mark, or a friend and she could tell them about her Cinderella status back at home and how one of these days her 'auntie' will get what's coming to her.

Also, I didn't get the impression Andrea knew of her heritage...Is that the case? One other thing. I find it a little difficult that Vivica didn't know it was her upcoming 18th birthday. I understand that she selfish and cruel and diabolical but she's been dreading this, right? Why wouldn't she have circled the date on her calender with a huge red marker or something? You know? Am I making sense?

Pm me for the next, ok?
Tanya

Not bad, not bad at all. In fact it was great! There are just a few things I'm unclear on.

A suggestion would be to make it clear that Viv demanded to be called Auntie. Maybe not in this scene, but a conversation with her boyfriend in another? I'd just like to point it out so that you don't forget it.

Also, I agree with borntobeawriter, how could Viv forget Andrea's birthday? Hmm... It was a pretty significant date.

Anyways, this is very good!

Tanya, this play was written for a festival, so I had strict time restrictions for the performance. Thus any transitional scenes just had to go. But I will think about how I can edit it, seeing how I am no longer restricted. No, Andrea doesn't know how much she is worth at this point. It's all part of Vivica's plan to control her by keeping her in ignorance.

Isha, I can probably add the whole "auntie" thing in one line in this scene! Don't need to add another entire scene I think

OK I have a really weak response to the question of Vivica forgetting about her 18th birthday: A lot can happen in 18 years. Vivica most likely spent her time on other small-time schemes while waiting to cash in on the big bucks. Simultaneously, she has this brat who reminds her of the sister she always loathed to deal with. I think it's perfectly plausible that it might have slipped her mind. Especially since she made a point to never make Andrea feel special or wanted in any way - that includes birthdays. And they don't make calendars 18 years in advance.

Make sense now?