Young Writers Society

So, just a little something I conjured up with my -- you guessed it!-- mind! It's a little weird, so just try to use your imagination to understand better. Maybe I'll eventually tell you what I imagined. But for now, you take a wild guess.

I know I very well could've just written this as a scene, instead of in script-style, and very well may go back and write it that way. But for now, here's the dialogue and brief descriptions. Sorry about the names; I had no idea how to go about it.

It isn't very good. I just kinda had a weird idea and ran with it. It's late, and I'm losing consciousness. I really should've proof-read it (I know, eh?) but I'm not really functioning correctly at the moment.

Enjoy -- if you can!
- - -

[GIRL is seated on a log, scribbling in a notebook. Her head perks up as she hears some rustling nearby.]

GIRL: [smirks] I can hear you, you know!

BOY: [peers out from behind tree] How have you been lately?

GIRL: [blinks and purses lips. Opens her mouth a few times, trying to think of how to answers] Why do you ask?

BOY: Well, [shrugs] I thought maybe things have been a little hard.

GIRL: I’ve been trying not to think about it, that’s all. [tilts head back and stares up through canopy of trees]

BOY: [sits down beside her on log, peering over at her intently] It really happened though?

GIRL: [nods]

[The scene falls silent, aside from the trickling brook and the chirping birds. GIRL is still staring around her, while BOY is kicking the ground with his foot]

GIRL: I’ve been meaning to tell someone, you know. [sheepishly glances over at BOY, her voice quiet, keeping her head down. Her statement is abrupt]

BOY: You’ve told me, though, haven’t you?

GIRL: I’ve been trying really hard to get it all out, re-writing it over and over ... but nothing seems to work.

BOY: Maybe I can help?

GIRL: [glances over at him] You don’t seem very certain.

BOY: I'm only as certain as you are. But, it’s dangerous, isn’t it?

GIRL: How would you know?

BOY: Tampering with this sort of thing. It’s dangerous. It has to be. Can’t it change everything?

[it falls silent for a moment, before GIRL takes a deep breath]

GIRL: I-I don’t think I’ve ever heard you sound so pessimistic ...

BOY: [sighs] Maybe I’m just scared.

GIRL:[raises voice more] But you have nothing to be afraid of!

BOY: [yells louder than her] Maybe I’m afraid for you!

[BOY and GIRL turn away from each other, breathing deeply]

BOY: [quietly] I didn’t come here to fight ... you know.

GIRL: It sure seems like you did.

BOY: [voice raises a bit] Well, if you didn’t like the way things turned out, why don’t you just change everything, huh?

GIRL: [glares over at him, pursing lips]

[finally BOY and GIRL look away from each other again, falling into silence. A bird flies out of the trees overhead. GIRL gets up]

GIRL: Maybe I’ll take your advice for once.

BOY: You wouldn’t ...! [stands up abruptly, clenching fists]

GIRL: I’m not the submissive type. You know I won’t go back on my word.

BOY: I know you’re not some push-over; I just didn’t think you were the type of girl to drop everything that’s dear to her and run away. But then again ... [stops, breathing heavily, fists still clenched]

GIRL: [arms crossed over chest. GIRL turns to look back at him over her shoulder] “Then again” what?

BOY: “Then again” you’ve done it before, haven’t you! Probably everytime we’ve met! You’re such a frickin’ perfectionist it’s insane!

GIRL: What does it matter to you? What do you care?

BOY: [taking a quick step forward as he speaks, his face very close to hers now] MAYBE IT MATTERS BECAUSE I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR FRIEND. I DON’T SATISFY EVERYTHING!

GIRL: Satisfy what? My hunger? I’m not hungry.

BOY: [points finger imposingly at her] I know for a fact that you come here everyday at the same time when you should be heading to town. I know you come here and scribble in your little notepad all day, thinking and thinking of ideas. But nothing ever works. Nothing is good enough for you. Maybe you've lost it. Maybe you were never good. [BOY raises voice to a harsh yell.] MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP RUNNING, YEAH? MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY TO WORK THIS OUT, INSTEAD OF CHANGING IT ALL SO IT GOES AS PLANNED, EXACTLY LIKE YOU WANTED!

GIRL: Maybe instead of fleeing from everything I’ve ever cared about, I’ll just re-write it so that we’ve never met. After all, you’re as much a part of me as I am.

BOY: [sucks in sharp breath, and growls at her, low and deep] You wouldn’t dare. You’re too weak!

GIRL: [through clenched teeth] If I’m weak, then so are you.[snatches up notebook from near her feet and vigorosly flips through the pages, before stopping on a certain one, her eyes quickly scanning through the lines.]

BOY: [stares daggers at her, fists clenched, jaw hard, lips a thin, tight line.]

GIRL: [stares up at him, a tiny hint of regret in her eyes, before her eyebrows knit together in determination, and she tears a page out from the notebook, shredding it to pieces and tossing them to the ground, lips quivering, on the verge of tears, but trying to hold them back.]

[Everything is quiet; the brook is still trickling over the rocks, a bird is chirping contentedly. GIRL, jaw tight, has her notebook clenched tight in her right fist, staring imposingly across directly across the space at herself. BOY is no longer standing there, staring back at her.]

GIRL: [Beings to cry. Whispers, barely moving lips.] Am I weak?

I liked this. And I'd like very much for you to write it as a scenario. However, I liked that the reader could guess what was going on without specifically knowing. Are you going to continue this???
If you do will it be going back and explaining what happened between them?

I think you should make it clear to the reader somehow that this is a chracter from the girl's notepad. For the entire beginning, I didn't know what the boy was talking about. Why does she begin to cry? YOu have to eplain it more detailedly.

BOY: Well, [shrugs] I thought maybe things have been a little hard.

This is one of many examples in the piece where, as a writer, you should let the actor find his own movement. If I were you I would cut this *shrug* out. Its unnecessary. I have been training for two years in my college to be an actor and I have done quite a bit of work with local community theaters, university's, and even a semi professional theater company, as a actor, an nothing irks an actor or director more than needless blocking. A smart empowered actor can figure out the blocking them self.

In fact the only known writer who really can get away with paragraphs and paragraphs of intricate blocking is Samuel Beckett, but read his work then you'll understand why. If i may suggest a piece of his work to read it would be "Waiting for Godot." His work requires the intricacies of his blocking otherwise the subtle metaphors and themes wouldn't shine.

Let the dialog tell the story, don't even worry about blocking look at Shakespeare for example, he only really put in his writing entrances and exits; even Oscar Wilde barely put any blocking in his work.

Now here is an example of your above line minus the unnecessary blocking.

BOY: Well, I thought maybe things have been a little hard.

See, so much cleaner.

Now, ill try to go back through your piece and stop ranting about blocking.

Other than that good piece. Really enjoyed it. Hope you keep writing scripts. I personally enjoy scripts more than short stories or novels. They are so much more to the point. =)

~Bard