Young Writers Society

Also, because several people have asked, I'd like to clarify. Left Eye is most definitely read by a girl. Right Eye could really go either way. Both eyes are wearing simple black and just standing onstage for the duration (except at the beginning). At the beginning, Left Eye is reading a letter that she is intending on sending to Right Eye. The backdrop is a projection of a human brain. There are no props except for Left Eye's letter.


Left Eye: [alone CS reading from a piece of paper] “Dear Right Eye: I know we haven’t agreed on much lately but I want to ask you if we can put our differences aside and cooperate. As mature adults we need to learn how to work together. Although I am often in the right, beneath your affected exterior I believe that you do have some capacity for rational thought. Therefore, I am going to be the better eye—”

Right Eye: [bursting onto stage] Oh just shut up will you? You and your “Dear Right Eye” had better get your pupils out of here before I stick the mascara brush up your…

LE: If you would hold still when She puts on mascara it wouldn’t poke you so often.

RE: [indignantly] That thing is a torture instrument!

LE: It’s all in the name of beauty…

RE: Look, we both know that you’re prettier and she likes you better.

LE: That’s not true! Well…yes it is. But that’s because you don’t try.

RE: Why would I want to?

LE: Job satisfaction?

RE: [complaining] There’s no incentive. We’re not getting paid or anything. No one ever says “good work” after a long day of seeing.

LE: You’re just lazy.

RE: So I’ve been diagnosed. They call me a “lazy eye” for a reason.

LE: [indignantly] And I had to wear the eye patch.

RE: Get over it. It was way worse for me. She made me work while you got to sit out. That was terrible!

BOTH: And the worst is 3D!

LE: Although REM is also pretty bad.

RE: I enjoy it.

LE: Someone really screwed up when they made us a team.

RE: [sighs] Yeah.

LE: I think she’s waking up.

RE: Okay, well I’m out of here. [disappears]

LE: Wait! I never finished my let—[realizes RE is gone] –ter. [exits]

Hiya,

I just thought I'd say, I loved the idea of this, very clever! You should make it longer, and OMG sequels! They could fall in love, or be brother or sister..or..Gay lovers! Ahh..eyes as Gay lovers. OMG it can be called "EYE love you!" I am so buying the rights to that! So romantic *dreamily stares into distance*

It has so much potential

lol..I can so see this as a short movie before spongebob squarepants on Nickelodeon!

If you want to be all technical, the overall grammar was good, just watch your punctuation with commas in the right place etc.

I most enjoyed these lines -

LE: Although REM is also pretty bad.

RE: I enjoy it.

LE: Someone really screwed up when they made us a team.

It made me laugh so much this did, the sudden use of technical terms and your eyes talking about rapid eye movement in sleep in a comedic fashion was very witty! Not many people would brave to do something like this, but writing isn't all about serious issues and depression..it can be about unicorns and pillow cases and talking eyes if it wants to be!

That's a good thing about poems like these, you can't really say anything negative because it's all for fun, the witty banter was very cheeky and I like it.

Anyways, I read it, and I had to comment because it put a smile on my face and made me laugh, so it deserves a little like..

HAYLEY
xx

Cute XD

I love where you came from, the overall idea was really different (in a good way!)

I'd like to point out a couple of things

Left Eye: [alone CS reading from a piece of paper] “Dear Right Eye: I know we haven’t agreed on much lately but I want to ask you if we can put our differences aside and cooperate.

Okay, so this is how you start... and, I'm not sure if I get it... I mean, Left Eye isn't writing the letter, is... it (I've decided to use the pronoun "it" rather then he or she)? It's just reading it... is it reading it to Right Eye, or is it just reading it to itself. If it's reading it to Right Eye, why isn't right eye on stage to begin with?

And, well.. besides that, I did have a little troube picturing it. I mean, it's a script, so, I was trying to imagine actual people performing it, and I was trying to figure out what the setting was...

It could be longer, but it works the way it is too.

Great idea!

--
Tabby

I thought this was pretty good but it should either go somewhere in terms of a plot or introduce other characters like the nose,ears, cheeks, mouth I don't really know but it does need more.